The AP’s headline is perfect, no reason to even try improving it. On Thursday, a Maine man, Jarred Buzzell saw a porcupine get hit by a car and decided to look for Bezoar, a natural occurring…thing found inside of animals. Bezoar was once thought to be an antidote to any poison, and is still used in Asian remedies (I guess?). In any case, when Buzzell cut open the dead porcupine, he found a baby porcupine he was able to revive with a brisk massage. Buzzell is currently caring for the young porcupine before finding a more appropriate home.
Feel free to disregard this because the original source is The Daily Caller, but I guess eyeball licking is now a thing in Japan, and it’s resulted in an outbreak of pink eye.
Fans of the fetish become sexually aroused by licking their partner’s eyeballs or having their own eyeballs licked. Authorities first became aware that something was going on when kids began showing up at school wearing eye patches.
Please put this next to butt chugging, vodka tamponing, and eyeballing on the list of things maybe some kids do if they’re idiots, but most kids aren’t doing it, even if the media says they’re doing it, and this isn’t a widespread activity, even if the media says it is, and you don’t have to worry unless your kid is an idiot.
The fact that there isn’t an apostrophe in Veterans Day is fascinating to me, probably because I’m simple. Via the FAQ of the Department of Veterans Affairs (also no apostrophes):
Q. Which is the correct spelling of Veterans Day?
a. “Veterans Day”
b. “Veteran’s Day”
c. “Veterans’ Day”
A. Veterans Day (choice a, above).
Veterans Day does not include an apostrophe but does include an “s” at the end of “veterans” because it is not a day that “belongs” to veterans, it is a day for honoring all veterans.
And until then, this picture of a naked Hugo/Hurley riding a rainbow unicorn while carrying a flaming sword will have to carry us through.
I don’t know if it’s more amazing that someone used “watch movies of boys peeing everywhere and on everything in the house and on ladies” as a keyword to get to UW, that we’re 3rd on the page on Google for that search term, OR that it was a returning visitor that used that search term. I’m going with C, Alex, because I wonder how they got here the first time.
Update: And just like that it appears that the happy magic is over. All 30 lives have been extinguished.
If you go to ESPN.com and enter in the Konami Code (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a enter), you’ll get unicorns. Lots of them. This is amazing. It felt good to use the Contra Code again, though I think I got less than 30 unicorns.
A couple years ago you could log into ESPN Insiders by using the first name of a 2 name college as the user name and the second name as the pass word, for instance Login: Boston Password: College. I don’t know if that was a feature, a bug, or user error, but it doesn’t happen anymore.
I’m not going to embed this video, but here’s the link to the Naked wizard being tasered at Coachella. I don’t think the guy is actually a wizard, though. You make the call. Be forewarned, there’s a very naked guy in this video who thinks he is a wizard.
Matt Lauer somehow hit a deer with his bicycle.
I never knew remuneration was a word. And remuneration means what I had thought renumeration meant. Renumeration? It means to recount something.
Not only does this cake have chocolate and bacon, but it has beer and, well, cake. (Thanks, Jonathan!)