A couple months ago, I posted Everything Tracy Jordan Said in Season 3 of 30 Rock. I said if you guys wanted it, I’d go back and do Season 1 and Season 2. Well, you wanted it, so here’s Season 1 and I’ll post Season 2 next week.
As I said before, it’s the combination of delivery and content that gets me and again, these lines were transcribed completely without context. A lot of times context makes them funnier and a lot of times lack of context does. Leave your favorite lines in the comments, enjoy!
Episode 1
-I am a Jedi. I am a Jedi. I am a Jedi.
-I’ll have an apple juice.
-Then I’ll take a vodka and tonic.
-I know who you are.
-Let me ask you a question, everyone at this table. Did he just say the word ‘pumpkin’ to me?
-Yo! I’m bugging. I can’t do this. I cannot eat here. I can’t eat here. I got to go to someplace where they make food that I like. Lemon, let’s go.
-Ohh. Ohhh. Goodness gracious, you hooligans better watch out, cuz this honky grandma be tripping.
-Where’s the love? Right on and let me get 2 half a chickens and some pecan waffles.
-Eat, Lemon, eat! I hate skinny women. Hey, Alana, 10 beers.
-Nah, I ain’t doing it unless I get to do it my way. You know I want it to be raw. HBO style content.
-Cuz I want to drop truth bombs! You know how pissed off I was when US Weekly said that I was on crack? That’s racist. I’m not on crack. I’m straight up mentally ill.
-You know I got mental health issues.
-Yeah, yeah, I like risky. See, me and you? We play the game. We know how to be acceptable. Hello, great meeting. I drink coffee, please. This show is our chance to break the shackles, cuz the white dudes want to see us fail.
-All of them. Jack Donaghy, General Electric, George Bush, Karl Robe.
-Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other. To distract us while white dudes inject aids into our chicken nuggets. That’s a metaphor.
-Hey, Lemon, you like karaoke? I know a joint.
-I’ll take you, I’ll take you! I just gotta make a quick stop first.
-You know why I should do this TV show, Lemon?
-To get you rich! Cuz you know if I’m on that TV show it’s going to blow up.
-Your teeth. You got to think like these strippers, Lemon. They know the window of opportunity is only open for a moment. You gotta get in while you’re young, get the money, and get out.
-Neither do they! Yes, they do.
-Ohhhhlalalala. We’re strong! No one can tell us we’re wrong. Searching our heart for so long.
-Hell no!
-From Chicago? I was in Scottie Pippen’s wedding.
-He fired Pete? He can’t fire Pete.
-Mm?
-Mmhmm. Yeah, suck it, Pete.
-Hey, Lemon, I’ll drop you off. Where do you live?
-I wanna see that.
-Oh. Oh. Pull over. Pull over here.
-Right here.
-This is where I grew up.
-Wasn’t no Jordan family nothing. This is where I was in foster care.
-Me and two other dudes and a girl with messed up fingers.
-I’m so lucky I got out of here.
-About what?
-Alright.
-Excuse me, where’s the manager? I’m from the government and I’m here to inspect your chicken nuggets.
-Uh, oh. Look at shorty. This honky grandma be tripping!
-Wassup, America? I’m coming into your house live! Let me hear you say we love you, Tracy!
-I am the third heat!
-Ahhh, yeah. Holla at your boy.
-I can’t wait to do this with you every week. Haha!
Season 2
-How you feel, NBC tour? Cuz you look good like a solid gold candy bar!
-Give up the butt, ladies. Give up the butt!
-Jack! Haha! Oh my goodness. It’s good to see you again, brother. It’s good to see you again.
-Come on, Jack, now you know I’m the kid. I’m easy like Sunday morning. Don’t look at me. Do not look at me in the eyes.
-Hey, Pete? You smoke weed, right, Pete? Me neither. Me and you, Pete. Me and you, heeheehee.
-Don’t just sit there, come over here and give me some sugar.
-Well, if you ever want to piss your parents off, you come see me.
-Let me just say, I’m excited to be here. It’s an honor for you to meet me. I got a lotta characters I’m ready to bust out. I got a character named Biscuit, write that up. Got another character named Renaldo who’s a 2 foot tall Spanish hustler. Glasses, I want you to write that one. Got another character named Ching Chong who loves to play ping pong. I just made that up right now, cuz that’s how I flow. Now I’m up for anything.
-No. I don’t like that.
-So I said, ‘Rick, this chick’s got an Adam’s apple. And, Rick said to me, I’ll never forget this, ‘Freakydeekys need love, too. Freakydeekys need love, too.’
-So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable?
-Nuh uh. Superman does good. You’re doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
-Lemon. Lemon. Can I be real with you? I haven’t a real job in like, 2 years. I’m not used to all these, all these cue cards and all of that.
-You’re right, I got this. Thanks for looking for me, Lemon. I’ma crush it. Let’s show these people how a movie star does it.
-Hi, I’m Tracy Jordan and I’m bringing the black back to NBC. I’m proud as a peacork, baby.
-What’d I say?
-Peacock, think peacock. Right, Jenna?
-Hi, I’m Tracy Jordan and I’m bringing the black back to NBC. I’m proud as a peaCOCK, baby.
-Hi, I’m Tracy Jordan and I’m bringing the black back to NBC. Right, Jenna Malbany?
-Hi, I’m Tracy Jordan and I’m bringing the black back to NBC. I’m proud as a peacock. Right, my bologna?
-Hi, I’m Tracy Jordan. I’m black, NBC. Very proud. Like peacocks. Right, Janet? I think we got it. I think we got it.
-Please, you can’t hurt me. I did stand up on Rome, the crowd once threw a motorcycle at me.
-Which on is Toofer?
-Oh.
-Let’s crash my car to see if the airbags go off.
-Mostly mad at you.
-Nah, nah, nah, nah. This is what we gonna do, Lemon. You gonna get everyone on my yacht. Harbor cruise, drinks, togetherness.
-I got a yacht, a solid gold jet ski, 2 Batmobiles, the AIDS monkey’s bones..
-Welcome. Welcome to your fantasy.
-Oh, yeah. I’ve taken this boat many places. Miami, Tokyo, Denver.
-What?
-Oh, that’s Spanish for remember your mother.
-My bologna? Look at you. Wow.
-Let me make you a drink. You love apple martinis, right?
-I read your interview in Amtrak magazine.
-Mmmhmm.
-I didn’t know that. Hey Toofer, see if I got any Schnapps.
-It’s for you. Take it, my friend.
-I hear you sing. I didn’t know that. Why don’t you sing something for me.
-I do.
-Hey, hey, Griz, don’t wreck this boat!
-Don’t worry. He was in the Navy.
-I’m Bill Cosby, Jello sweaters.
-You don’t have to thank me, Lemmon, we’re a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken and chicken container.
-It’s Spanish for ‘remember your mother’. I’ve taken this boat to Denver. You can have that Scotch. Griz was in the Navy.
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