Scott Brown debate preparation generator

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Signs point to former Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown running for John Kerry’s seat when it opens up later this year. Last night, Brown seemingly got a bit tipsy, and possibly revealed his future debate strategy. I thought whomever his Democratic opponent is might want to prepare for this type of debate by practicing with this debate generator. If you’d like to practice debating Senator Brown, ask a question or express a position in the box below and click “Request Scott Brown’s Response.”

var putput = function() {
$(“#thatswhatshesaid”).hide();
fi = $(“input[name=’statement’]”).val();
if (!fi || fi === “”) { return; }
var fields = {
response: [“Bqhatevwr”, “Whatever”, “Yes. Get ready,”, “Your brilliant”, “Bqhatevwr”,]
};
var rand = function(x){return x[Math.floor(Math.random()*x.length)];};
var result = rand(fields[‘response’]);
$(“#thatswhatshesaid”).html(result);
$(“#thatswhatshesaid”).fadeIn(“fast”);
};

Enter a political position here: 

Request Scott Brown’s position

Scott Brown debate preparation generator

Empathetic voter story generator

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Mitt Romney did a great job pretending to be empathetic at the first Presidential debate on Wednesday night, what with the stories about voters coming up to him and telling him sad things. His empathy program sure got an update in time. Well, there’s about a month left in the election and I figured Mitt would need some help conjuring up some more empathetic stories of voters for the debate. If necessary, he can come here and get a couple to use for later.

      var putput = function() {
        $(“#bestvoter”).hide();
        var fields = {
          names: [“Adam”, “Bill”, “David”, “Stephanie”, “Madison”, “Freddy”, “Joey”, “Anita”, “Nicole”, “Heather”, “Ethel”, “Beth”, “Beverly”, “Mickey”, “Brad”, “Clarence”, “Brenda”, “Bonnie”, “Stella”, “Theresa”],
          jobs: [“actor”, “bus driver”, “machine worker”, “teacher”, “truck driver”, “cop”, “stripper”, “banker”, “barista”, “sports league owner”, “mechanic”, “construction worker”, “podcaster”, “blogger”, “professor”, “new media enthusiast”, “bad accountant”],
          places: [“Scranton”, “Akron”, “Cincinnati”, “Worcester”, “Tempe”, “Phoenix”, “Cleveland”, “Dayton”, “Columbus”, “Nashua”, “Harrisburg”, “Orange County”, “Des Moines”, “Lexington, KY”, “Covington, KY”, “Reno”, “Springfield”, “Kansas City”, “Bloomington”, “Akron”, “Danvers”, “San Luis Obispo”, “Santa Fe”, “Pecos”, “Lubbock”, “Fort Smith”, “Tulsa”, “Macon”, “Biloxi”, “Mobile”, “Tampa”, “Orlando”, “a small town I can’t remember the name of”],
          first_facts: [“put hands on me”, “touched my arm”, “touched my arm and then my leg”, “tried to kiss me”, “hugged me”, “did not kneel before me”, “gave me some of their soda pop”, “called soda, ‘pop'”, “asked me for a job”, “gave me a belt”, “gave me a casserole”, “hurt my hand with their vice-like grip”, “shook my hand”, “reached for my arm”, “grabbed my elbow”],
          second_facts: [“I smell like Tuesday”, “Big Bird is gay”, “no”, “they lost their job to Big Bird”, “they were fired for stealing stuff”, “they never learned how to read”, “no, just no”, “I should try parting my hair the other way”, “times are tough”, “they are cheating on their spouse”, “lighting the candle at both ends”, “they loved Godfather 3”, “I looked whiter in real life”, “my laugh sucks”, “I don’t have compassion eyes”, “they really, really, really liked my name”, “they don’t care about fact checkers either”, “they would fire Big Bird, too”, “their underpants were on backward”, “their favorite color is 12:30”, “I can get it if I want it”, “they didn’t like the 47% either”, “they had a secret, but they could only show me”, “they heard the voices I hear”]
        };
        var rand = function(x){return x[Math.floor(Math.random()*x.length)];};

        var name = rand(fields[‘names’]),
            job = rand(fields[‘jobs’]),
            place = rand(fields[‘places’]),
            fact1 = rand(fields[‘first_facts’]),
            fact2 = rand(fields[‘second_facts’]);

        var result = “The other day, I met a ” + job + ” from ” + place + ” named ” + name + “, who ” + fact1 + ” and told me ” + fact2 + “.”;

        $(“#bestvoter”).html(result);
        $(“#bestvoter”).fadeIn(“fast”);
      };

Click “Generate a voter story” if you need an empathetic voter story of your own. 

Generate a voter story!

Empathetic voter story generator

Shit X says to Y random video idea generator

You’ve seen, by now, the Shit Girls Say video that has spawned countless other videos of common/stereotypical things people of one group say to people of another group. Maybe you thought to yourself, “Hey, I’d really like to make one of these videos.” NOW YOU CAN. With the “Shit ‘So and Sos’ Say to ‘So and Sos’ Video Random Idea Generator” you are mere moments away from your very own video idea. Click the button below to get your own idea TODAY!

#container {
text-align:center;
/*color:#a9a9a9;*/
color:black;
}
#question {
height:4em;
margin:20px auto 40px;
}
#question br {
display:none;
}
.tall {
font-size:2em;
}
#first {
/*border:none;*/
/*border-bottom:solid 1px #a9a9a9;*/
/*background-color:#accfff;*/
}
#soandso {
text-align: left;
}

Say Shit to So and So

So now you have your own video idea. Go out and make us proud! If you liked your video idea, share it below. Thanks to Andy for some help with the code.

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!function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=”//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js”;fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,”script”,”twitter-wjs”);

Shit X says to Y random video idea generator

Tiger Woods Mistress Generator

Tiger Woods’ fall from grace has been sudden and surprising. The image of a squeaky clean golfer Tiger and his team of handlers worked hard to create and protect has been shattered and we now think we know him to be quite the cad. (In reality, few of us actually do know the ‘real Tiger Woods’.) In any case, the number of women linked to Tiger ranges anywhere from 11-20, depending on who you believe, and it seems another couple surface everyday. Would you like to be one of those women? Now you can! Simply enter your name below, click ‘Fore!’ and you’ll be presented with an unimpeachable alias to use with the press. You could be on the Today Show tomorrow! At least a local radio station. (RSS subscribers Click through.)

#container {
text-align:center;
/*color:#a9a9a9;*/
color:black;
}
#question {
height:4em;
margin:20px auto 40px;
}
#question br {
display:none;
}
.tall {
font-size:2em;
}
#first {
/*border:none;*/
/*border-bottom:solid 1px #a9a9a9;*/
/*background-color:#accfff;*/
}
#tigeranswer {
text-align: left;
}

Name:

Fore!

Special thanks to Gareth for the idea and to Ken Eimer for helping me edit Chris McCoy’s JS (which I used for the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator).

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Tiger Woods Mistress Generator