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Here’s Season 4 of Everything Don Draper Said. That is, everything Don Draper Said on Season 4 of Mad Men. It’s over a year past due, but thanks for being patient. Here’s of Everything Don Draper Said (and Season 1, Season 2, and Season 3 (PLUS Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)) This is Don’s most talkative year by far, up by about 25% over the Season 1 talkathon. As always, this is everything Don Draper said transcribed. It’s completely out of context, but if you like Mad Men, you’ll like this.

Episode 1
“Excuse me?”
“What do men say when you ask that?”
“I don’t want to do that? In the third person?”
“Who told you that?”
“Well, as I said before, I’m from the midwest. We were taught that it’s not polite to talk about yourself.”
“I wanted it to be indistinguishable from the movies. I wanted people to be watching it and say, ‘What’s happening in the story right now? Oh, it’s something else’. It’s not an ad. At least not for the first 30 seconds of it.”
“Oh, uh, you all should meet. This is Jack Hammond from Advertising Age. Roger Sterling. Pete Campbell.”
“I look forward to the article.”
“Alright. Where is this party? Sheraton?”
“Don.”
“Next time just have one meeting.”
“Do you want women who want bikinis to buy your two piece, or do you just want to make sure women who want a two piece don’t suddenly buy a bikini?”
“Right now.”
“Can you give me a minute?”
“Count to 100 and buzz me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was coming and I don’t know who that is.”
“And we could have had a conference table.”
“About why there is no table.”
“Well, first of all, they’re prudes. Second of all, Y&R was standing in the hall way when we left.”
“When the competition was fair. Every hour of my time has to be accounted for in the growth of this company. Get me in a room where I have a chance.”
“Y&R has 6 floors of creative. They can throw bodies at this account for weeks. We don’t have that kind of firepower.”
“You don’t say that to the clients, do you?”
“Send him in?”
“What do you think?”
“According to this, I’m already a wealthy man.”
“He already has.”
‘What about it?”
“Seemed so far away when we agreed to it.”
“Start World War III.”
“Leave it alone.”
“Come on.”
“What do you need?”
“I can’t, Roger, I have plans.”
“No.”
“I could say the same thing.”
“I’ve hardly been a monk.”
“Roger.”
“Hello, Celia.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Have you seen my shine kit?”
“No. You need to put things back where you found them!”
“So, how do you know Jane?”
“I don’t have to ask you any questions.”
“You sat down so fast, I didn’t get a good look.”
“It’s hard to believe there are two girls that can wear that.”
“First that Roger was involved in.”
“And there are so many real problems in the world.”
“I don’t know if I can make you feel better about the world.”
“What do you do?”
“And what is that?”
“Like the chorus.”
“That is truly fascinating.”
“I have, but only for business so I’ve never enjoyed it.”
“They make you wear a bib.”
“Two chicken kievs.”
“The Barbazan. I bet that would make a great opera.”
“OK.”
“Goodnight.”
“It’s tempting, but, um, I have plans.”
“Well, how about right now. I stopped the meter, but we can start it again. It’ll be like I just picked you up.”
“Let me walk you in.”
“Waverly and 6th Avenue.”
“Morning.”
“For a guy from AdAge, he can really write.”
“Jesus. He never asked me that. Did he check any facts?”
“My job is to write ads. Not go around talking about who I am.”
“Why do you have so many copies?”
“It’ll be lining birdcages by Friday.”
“Well, it’s done. I learned a valuable lesson: Stay away from one legged reporters.”
“That is good news. Thank you.”
“They raise you up and knock you down. I don’t know what I could have done differently.”
“I didn’t mention anyone, that’s the reporter’s job.”
“How much was left in Hoho anyway? We’ll survive with jai-ali off our list.”
“And what do I do differently? I told him the truth. Who gives a crap what I say anyway, my work speaks for me.”
“You want a drink?”
“Oh, of course you do.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Wait a minute.”
“So do it. Harder. Again.”
“Why did you answer it?”
“Hello?”
“Happy Thanksgiving.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Where are you?”
“Spit it out, honey.”
“I’m here.”
“Call Pete.”
“I ought to let you twist in the win.”
“I’m not happy. And I don’t think it’s funny or cute. You run something like that by me first. I would have kept you looking like an idiot, or worse yet, making me look like one. Is that what you want? You want people to think we’re idiots, Peggy?”
“Who are you?”
“Why’d you bring him up here if you didn’t want him involved?”
“How much turkey did you eat?”
“Hello.”
“Where’s the baby?”
“I’d like to see him.”
“Henry. Come on, let’s go.”
“I’ll sew it on in the morning.”
“I can do a button, I’ll show you.”
“I’ll leave the light on in the bathroom so there won’t be anymore problems.”
“Goodnight, both of you.”
“Do you have your key?”
“Hello?”
“For what?”
“It’s almost 10.”
“She didn’t.”
“Henry, do you mind?”
“When are you moving out?”
“Well, you were supposed to be out a month ago.”
“Well, either do as we agreed, or I’m gonna need to collect rent.”
“Or you could just buy it from me, if you want to.”
“Believe me, Henry, everybody thinks this is temporary.”
“Goodnight.”
“Send her in.”
“They could have just as easily fired us.”
“Well, I’m not. I try and stay away from these kinds of shenanigans, but I guess you knew that or you would have told me.”
“Thanks for the ham.”
“Since when do you have a fiance.”
“You brought him with you because you thought I wouldn’t embarrass you.”
“It doesn’t always work, does it? You need to think a little bit more about the image of this agency.”
“I won’t need you in the Jansen presentation.”
“No, I just think it would be better not to have a girl in the room.”
“You go to the swimming pool, you go to the beach. Take off your robe you head into the cabana. There’s no other way to slice it, you’re getting undressed.”
“What separates a bathing suit from underwear? The cut and the print of the cloth, and some sort of gentleman’s agreement. So well built, we can’t show you the second floor.”
“Good. That’s what I was going for. A wink, but it’s not a leer.”
“Modest want to be stimulated, too. This draws them in in a way that will make your competitors seem crude and obvious, plus they’ll be dying to see the suit.”
“You’ll get them into the store. Isn’t that the point?”
“I think I know what you’re looking for. A couple of women bouncing a beach ball. A little girl in front of them building a sand castle. Your competitors are going to keep killing you because you’re too scared of the skin your two piece was designed to show off.”
“You need to decide to decide what kind of company you want to be. Comfortable and dead, or risky and possibly rich.”
“Well, gentleman, you were wondering what a creative agency looks like, there you have it. Hope you enjoyed looking in the window.”
“What? No. That’s not the point.”
“Out. Get out. Get your things and get out of my office, now. Come on! Let’s go.”
“Call Bert Cooper’s man at the Wall Street Journal.”
“Yes.”
“Last year, our agency was being swallowed whole. I realized I had two choices: I could die of boredom, or holster up my guns.”
“So I walked into Lane Pryce’s office and I said, ‘Fire us.’ Two days later we were operating out of the Pierre Hotel. Within a year we had taken over the Time Life Building.”
Continue reading “Everything Don Draper Said Season 4” →