Dane Cook Steals Joke…From Demetri Martin?

We’ve been getting hits to my Demetri Martin better than Dane Cook post with the keyword ‘stolen joke’ so I thought I’d check it out. Lo and behold!

While I think this it’s possible this is a case of what Malcolm Gladwell wrote about earlier this year (the “phenomenon of simultaneous discovery—what science historians call “multiples””), I’m not inclined to give Dane Cook the benefit of the doubt. That’s what he gets for those “There’s only one OCTOBER” commercials in ’07. I’ll never forgive him.

Dane Cook Steals Joke…From Demetri Martin?

Demetri Martin Better Than Dane Cook

ONLY people in glass houses should throw stones.” I was hoping the other videos would be as funny, but they weren’t. Still, imagine Demetri Martin in the “Only One October” ad campaign from last year. He would have crushed and I wouldn’t have wanted to throw my remote at the TV every half inning when Dane Cook came on.

To recap, here is a list of 2 people who ARE better than Dane Cook in those commercials, followed by a list of people who WOULD BE better than Dane Cook in those commercials:
Stewie Griffin
That guy at the Desk during the TBS broadcasts


Demetri Martin Better Than Dane Cook

ALCS Game 5

Top 1:
Ugh. Nice start, Pedroia.

Yoooooooooooooooooooooouk! Momentum? Is this it?

Guess not. Thanks, Papi.

“Keys to the game for the Red Sox: it’s win or see you in Fort Myers. That’s their spring training facility.” Don’t explain your “jokes,” McCarver.

McCarver’s unhappy that no one’s going to throw at Manny for admiring his homer. I kinda want to see him throw his hands in the air on second base right now, as he’s just tied Pete Rose’s LCS hitting streak. Anyone want to mention that? Tim? Joe? No? Ok, that’s cool.

Oh. My. God. I kind of want to die now. Was Manny running slow? Or was that just a good throw? Not an auspicious start. Somehow it doesn’t feel like we’re up 1-0.

Bottom 1:
Casey Blake is considerably more entertaining reading the lineup than Kielty was. Nicknames! G-Size! Scroobs! T-Pronk!

This double by G-Size does not bode well. Three guys run for the ball, no one catches it, and one of them kicks it into foul territory. Oh, good, and a base hit for Scroobs.

Double-play! But the game is tied. Seems like a good trade at this point, especially if Beckett’s going to give up another hit. Oh, look at that.

Strikes out Garko to end the inning. Nice! Now, if only Fox would stop playing the theme to the damn Drew Carey show.

I have some questions about the Taco Bell Nachos Bel Grande commercial. Presumably the younger brother was visiting the older brother at the latter’s home; doesn’t it seem unlikely that little brother wouldn’t have ever met his brother’s girlfriend? And if he had never met the girlfriend, mightn’t she take some notice of the newcomer when she brought the dog in? I’m having trouble with the whole scene. Kinda want nachos now, though.

Top 2:
OK, Bobby Kielty. Your job here is to be better than J. D. Drew. Can you do it? No. You can’t. (In fairness, the ball looked inside to me, too.)

This would be a good time for Coco to come up big. Come up big, Coco!

God damn you, Coco. Aaaaand a pop-up from Lugo. 6-9 are really just not showing up for this series, are they.

Oh! Hi, Dane Cook! I tell ya, I can’t wait for the second October this year—oh. Just the one?

Bottom 2:
I’m amused that Joe Buck described Gutierrez’s flailing hack at a 3-1 pitch well out of the strike zone as, “Chased it a bit.”

Top 3:
Rachel’s calling a lead-off double for Pedroia. I like that kind of optimism. According to Ken Rosenthal, Pedroia has defiantly claimed that he’s “swinging the bat good.” It’s “well,” Dustin. You’ve been swinging the bat “well.” Which you haven’t.

You know what, I apologize, Dustin. Nice single. Of course, Youkilis hits into a double play. I think the Fox producers lost track of how many outs there were, and started playing the “end of inning” music. Ha.

Big Papi walks, and here comes Manny. What the hell happened on that one? Ortiz scored, but did that ball go out? McCarver is in disbelief, and confused about physics—but no, that ball was gone. This call by the umpires is bullshit. I don’t understand why McCarver and Bank are focusing on the carom. The ball was over the yellow line. In fairness, McCarver is right that Manny needs to run out of the box on hits like this. Shameful base-running in an elimination game.

Lowell strikes out, and that’s all we get.

Bottom 3:
OK, we’re back. It’s possible that I was wrong about Manny’s ball being out of the ballpark.

Strikeout, and a nice play by Pedroia for an exciting 4-3. Beckett’s fifth K, and Boston’s still up 2-1.

Top 4:
Two on with nobody out! True, Coco and Lugo are not the two guys we want coming up right now, but I still don’t like Coco bunting here. Why give up the out? Also, he seems to suck at it. If Tito doesn’t replace Coco with Ellsbury before the end of this game, I’ll whine about it. Right here. On this very blog. Just you wait.

Julio, you’re killing me.

Bottom 4:
That was quick. Nice!

Top 5:
Two quick outs from Pedroia and Youk, and then Papi singles to the opposite field, which I love. Then bases loaded, and nuffink. Which I don’t love, so much.

Bottom 5:
Tim McCarver: baseball player, sportscaster, rock and roll aficionado. Shut up, McCarver. And sit down, Kenny Lofton. Don’t start nothin’.

Oh, look, it’s the Bad News Bears in the infield! Why the hell was Lugo even going for that ball?

Ah, just put your trust in Beckett. Strike three, Scroobs.

Top 6:
You know, I love “Sounds of the Game” and I really enjoyed Gary Cederstrom’s brawl-avoidance. “Josh, not a word. Not a word, dude.” I think it’s awesome Cederstrom calls Beckett “dude.”

Oh, were Varitek, Crisp, and Lugo batting?

Bottom 6:
What is there to say? Beckett is undisputedly the man.

Top 7:
The montage starting this inning was unnecessarily treacly, I think. Pedroia’s gapper, however, works for me. 2B!

Yoooouk!!!111! Gotta love a run-scoring triple that knocks out Sebathia. Well done, Sweatiest Man In Baseball.

Hey, you know what? I am officially sick of the Miller High Life commercials.

Ortizzle with a sac fly RBI! I’m staring to unclench a little about this game.

Bottom 7:
Holy crap, with one out in the seventh, Beckett just threw his 86th pitch. That’s… not a lot of pitches. Of course, on the 87th, Lofton reaches on an E1.

Called third strike! My favorite way to end an inning. (I guess.)

Top 8:
Welcome to the game, J. D. Drew! A lead off walk is not the worst you could do. (By the way, Fox, I wouldn’t mind a camera permanently focused on the Red Sox bullpen. The Lester/Delcarmen drum corp is cracking me up.)

Wow. E1, everybody’ s safe! And then a bunt for a base hit by Lugo loads the bases! This is shaping up to be the kind of exciting inning where the Red Sox catch a couple of breaks and then piss it all away.

Hey, a passed ball! 5-1! And a walk to re-load the bases for Youk! Look at how excited I am! Count the exclamation marks!

Mastny walks in a run, and now the bases are loaded for Big Papi. This is starting to feel awesome. Eh, RBI sac fly. Kinda disappointed, actually.

OK, so here’s a question. If Beckett comes out for the 8th at 96 pitches with a 5+ run lead, is that a pretty clear sign that Tito’s lost faith in the bullpen? Also, McCarver seems to think that “mantra” means “philosophy.” (Beckett won’t come back on short rest to pitch game 7 because that’s not Boston’s “mantra.”)

Bottom 8:
OK, Beckett does start the 8th, but Jeemer and the Bot are warming. Let’s hope Francona’s got his walking shoes on if things start to get hairy. Rachel and I agree, however, that taking him out and keeping his arm available for emergency relief in Game 7, would have been the better call.

Hey, that worked out!

Top 9:
Bill Simmons neatly summed up J. D. Drew’s schtick of getting a nice looking base-hit when it doesn’t matter, such as, for instance, leading off the ninth when you’re leading by 6.

Bottom 9:
First and third, but I’m not worried.

Rock. Beckett + Papelbon = bring on game 6.

ALCS Game 5

Dane Cook Is The Worst

Is there anyone that likes Dane Cook? Could MLB have come up with someone lamer for their Post Season ads? Apparently, they’ve been playing them since the All Star Game and I, mercifully, didn’t notice it until the ALDS. I started this post after seeing one of his commercials for the first time during the first inning and then they just showed another one halfway though the third. God, I hate him so much.

Dane Cook Is The Worst