I made a list of 85 different candies I could find names for and then sorted them into different sections based on how I feel about them. The sorting combines how I used to feel about the candies with how I feel about them now. For instance, Skittles used to be one of the A+, number 1 candies to get on Halloween, but now I think about how if you have two different flavored Skittles in your mouth at a time, they cancel each other out and turn into a rancid muck. In making this list, I learned I’m ambivalent about a lot of different kind of candies. That was surprising to me.
Also, a special warning. If something is motivating you to give out Raisinets on Halloween, don’t. They are terrible and you are terrible for thinking about it. Just give out raisins or a toothbrush. If you’re going for it, go for it. Raisinets are an attack on Halloween, and that’s fine, just don’t try to mask your intentions. It’s disingenuous.
Top shelf
Cadbury creme eggs
M&Ms
Milky Way
Peeps
Reese’s peanut butter cup
Reese’s pieces
Snickers
Three Musketeers
I like this
Andes Mints
Baby Ruth
Good & Plenty
Heath bar
Hot Tamales
Junior Mints
Kit-Kat
Laffy Taffy
Rolo
Sprees
Take Five
Twix
York Peppermint Patties
Not bad/Not sure if I’ve had
100 GRAND Bar
5th Avenue
Atomic Fireball
Butterfinger
Chiclets Gum
Clark bar
Cow Tales
Gummi bears or worms
Hershey Bar
Jawbreakers
Jelly beans
Jolly Ranchers
Krackel chocolate bar
Lemonheads
Lifesavers
Mallobar
Mentos
Mike and Ike
Milk Duds
Mr. Goodbar
Nerds
Nik-L-Nips
Now and Later
Nutrageous
Oh Henry
Pay Day
Pez
Pixie Stix
Pocky
Pop Rocks
Skittles
Sour Patch Kids
Starburst
Sugar Daddy
Swedish Fish
Sweet Tarts
Symphony Bar
Twizzlers
Whatchamacallit
Zagnut
If I was starving
Bazooka Bubble Gum
Blow Pops
Candy Canes
Candy cigarettes
Dots
Fun Dip
Hershey’s Kiss
JuJu Bes
Necco wafers
Ring Pops
Toblerone
Tootsie Rolls/Tootsie Roll pops
Wax lips
Werther’s Original
Burn it with fire
Almond Joy
Candy corn
Chunky Singles
Circus peanuts
Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses
Mounds
Red Vines
Smarties
Whoppers
Worst candy in existence
Raisinets