I wonder if I should take it as a sign that I missed the first 2 episodes of the season last night? In life, it is important to have priorities and last night I had 53 of them that preempted me from watching â€˜24â€™ beginning at 8:00. We could have started watching a bit late, but Iâ€™m not sure how that would be appropriate, especially for the first episode of the year. In any case, Iâ€™m watching them now, Monday afternoon, and will truly experience a â€˜4 hour season premierâ€™. Itâ€™s time to strap in.
This year, the blog will be a bit different. Instead of noting the real time, as in, the time it is when Iâ€™m watching the show, Iâ€™ll be noting Jack Bauer time, as in, the time it is IN the show. This will make it easier for people to follow along if they donâ€™t watch the show between 9 and 10. Also, Iâ€™ll only be counting the deaths or various injuries caused by Jack Bauer and not deaths caused by other characters on the show. Weâ€™ll have to see how it goes, but Iâ€™m considering counting â€˜similarities to the Bush administration.â€™ These popped up almost weekly last year, though something tells me the Wayne Palmer administration will be different. (Someone, at some point, will need to discuss the possibility of a middling administration aide becoming President 2 years after his brother left office, but thatâ€™s for another time. All we know is that in 6 years, â€˜24â€™ has featured 2 more black Presidents than has the United States in 230 years.) Iâ€™ll continue to keep track of my prediction ratio, though Iâ€™m not sure if Iâ€™ll be making more outlandish predictions or fewer.
An aside: This weekend I came upon the first 4 episodes of â€˜24â€™ posted online before having aired. Iâ€™m all for people being able to watch what they want when they want, but for real, if youâ€™re going to watch early, you donâ€™t need to go ruining it for the rest of us by telling us what happened. I read a comment that mentioned 2 things that happen/happened in the first 4 episodes. I donâ€™t know if they do or not, but needless to say, I wonâ€™t be surprised IF they do. I care more deeply about one of the things than the other, and should they happen Iâ€™ll point it out. OK, letâ€™s get on with it.
6:00: Here we go:
-Though no one has taken responsibility, signs point to Islamic militants attacking 11 cities in 11 weeks, the latest in San Antonio. 900 people have been killed.
-Oh, come on, Mr. Busdriver, you know by not picking him up, youâ€™re going to create ANOTHER terrorist. That Arabic guy was probably never so happy to miss his bus.
-Concentration camps/ detention facilities? Whatâ€™s the difference, right?
-Wayne! We knew you were the President, but itâ€™s nice to see you.
-Oh, that guy Tom, the warmongerer neocon is the dork from Ally McBeal.
-Lincoln suspended habeas corpus, why wonâ€™t you?
-If you kill Assad, the attacks will stop? Really? How come? Everything weâ€™ve been told about Islamic militants is that they donâ€™t require a leader to function.
-Yeah! Morris is back, I was really hoping for that, but I couldnâ€™t imagine it being a reality. This show is so ridiculous.
-And Gabe from Six Feet Under is Morrisâ€™ boss, Milo? Milo is a middle management name?
-The writers decided to make Chloe the Rhino a hottie this year, in case you missed it, they had Morris pretty much make a poster board about it as he rubbed her ass.
-Jack Bauer: â€œThe President negotiated his release 2 days ago.â€
-Good to see Chloe has as much consternation as usual.
6:07: Bill Buchannon and Curtis are picking Jack Bauer up from the airport. They couldnâ€™t send a cab?
-Buchannon needs to sign the receipt for the Chinese guy, that figures. The Chinese wouldnâ€™t want the US to claim that he never got here. At least now they have a tracking number, etc.
-Jack Bauer hasnâ€™t spoken a word in 2 years, the first word he speaks will be a whisper.
6:10: $25 Million dollars AND Jack Bauerâ€™s pelt. Abu Fayed wants his pound of flesh for what happened in Beiruit? Isnâ€™t Kim Bauer a lot less valuable, Iâ€™m CERTAIN sheâ€™s not doing anything.
-Audrey first, Kim second. A manâ€™s got to have priorities. I swear, if they make Jack Bauer sign something, Iâ€™ll freak.
-Thatâ€™s nice, they have a make up mirror and shaving cream. Think they got the Gillette Fusion for him?
OK so we go to commercial and itâ€™s 6:13, we come back and itâ€™sâ€¦
6:19: Whatâ€™d you expect, Bill? Heâ€™s been in a Chinese torture prison for 2 yearsâ€¦ Guess that breakfast with whatâ€™s her name (Karen Hayes?) turned into something special in 2 years. She turned in to one of the good ones, huh?
-Nadia, hi, Iâ€™m Chloe, Iâ€™m a Rhino, you tell me stuff for which I donâ€™t have clearance, or Iâ€™ll get you fired. I play hardball. Got it?
-Chloe knows Karenâ€™s number by heart?
-â€œIf we want these attacks to stop, Jack Bauer has to be sacrificed.â€ You know, itâ€™s that type of thinking that got us in trouble in the first place. You got to think out of the box, Nadia!
-Does Morris have the clearance for this?
-How did Bill and Curtis know Jackâ€™s clothing size wouldnâ€™t have changed? AND, couldnâ€™t they get him a tie?
-Why is Wayne speaking on a cell phone while sitting at his desk in the oval office? This is truly a mobile generation.
-Youâ€™re the President, Wayne, it doesnâ€™t matter if you want to be in charge or not!
-This Ally McBeal, Tom, guy is such a wankering nincompoop. I hate him.
-Tom does what he wants, whether the President wants it or not. Thatâ€™s not second guessing, itâ€™s guessing after primary guesses have been made, by the President, his boss.
-â€œPlain English does not allow for the nuances that my job requires.â€ Wow, what a douche bag. I am definitely going to use this sentence in my career.
-I really wish they had given Jack Bauer a tie. That would have made this whole thing a little better. Or maybe a jacket.
-Jack Bauer is alive because he didnâ€™t want to die for nothing. But he still whispers.
6:30: That woman just stood less than a foot from the TV and picked up the remote to shut the TV off. She couldnâ€™t just press the power button?
-Ahmedâ€™s dad just got arrested. And Kumar is Ahmed. People are excited about this.
-Stan the contractor is harassing Ahmed and Scottâ€™s dad is going to handle it. This seems like an After School Special.
-I canâ€™t believe that Ray is doing the right thing, he seemed like such a simp.
-Oh Ray, Ray, Ray, you know not what you do, you just brought a snake into your house.
-Morris has his own satellites? I KNEW I was excited about him being on the show again. What else can he do?
-Oh yeah, like one punch from a ninny terrorist is going to knock Jack Bauer out. HE JUST SPENT 20 MONTHS IN A CHINESE TORTURE PRISON. Give me a break.
-So Morris has his own satellites, but heâ€™s not good enough to keep the pictures from being interceptedâ€¦ Right. It just shows to go ya, Jack Bauer is the only TRULY perfect spy. Everyone else is only good enough to get into trouble.
-Is this going to get Chloe or Morris fired? Both?
-What the hell is that stuff connected to Fayedâ€™s cell?
-Woah! Nadia speaks Arabic.
6: 52: Oh ho ho, â€œIf these attacks donâ€™t stop, there are people in this administration who are willing to tear up the Constitution in the name of National Security.â€ â€œThe things that theyâ€™re talking about doing â€“ this country will never recover.â€ More on this later.
-Oh, what the hell, letâ€™s count torture scenes. 1.
-Assad is getting pushed out of the way because heâ€™s too moderate for the cause. Fayedâ€™s behind the attacks, not Assad!
-What did Fayed just stick into Jack Bauerâ€™s back? A long pointy skewer? Yikes.
-So Jack Bauer stayed alive in China because he didnâ€™t want to die for nothing, then he thought he was dying for something, now Fayed says heâ€™s going to die for nothing again. Thatâ€™s a hard life.
-Fayed should know that nothing invigorates Jack Bauer like being tortured. This is how Jack Bauer gets up in the morning.
6:58: Confirmation that Kumar is a terrorist. Itâ€™s a good thing, Kumar called when he did, I think that Jack Bauerâ€™s trigger finger was about to get crushed.
-JBKC: 1. That was probably the grossest way Jack Bauer has ever killed anyone, wow. He kneed him in the balls and then bit his carotid artery.
-If Fayed is really the bad guy, why would Jack Bauer bother leaving that hideout until he got it bombed or killed Fayed himself? Because then we wouldnâ€™t have a show!