Another year of Haiku about my kids

Every night, since before my son was born, I write a haiku about my kids. I posted a collection of the first year of haiku in 2017 and was remiss in not having posted the collection of the second and third years. Here’s the second year. 365 haiku posted every night so I could feel like I was achieving Minimum Viable Creativity. If you like the haiku, or haidads, consider checking out the children’s book I wrote with my friend Chris Piascik, The Salty Avocado.
2/2/17
Now the big boy is
One year old. Happy birthday,
Buddy, I love you.
2/3/17
On the second day
Of his second year he tried
Milk for the first time.
2/4/17
He was supposed to
Be napping. Instead, he stood
Talking to the cat.
2/5/17
She went to bed at
Halftime, but came out after
The game for a drink.
2/6/17
Sometimes we’re ready
To leave for school way before
We get out the door.
2/7/17
She asked me to send
Oreos to school, but she
Hasn’t tried them yet.
2/8/17
From what we do to
A large pizza, I know that
There are four of us.
2/9/17
Wow. Snow days are not
At all as fun as they were
A few years ago.
2/10/17
For the second time
In two days, we watched Finding
Dory. We love it.
2/11/17
Middle of the night
Poops two nights in a row make
Us the luckiest.
2/12/17
A sense of calmness
Washed over me when I heard
Daycare was open.
2/13/17
The joke was on us,
Daycare was open but the
Boy had a sick day.

2/14/17
“I just need to hug
You because my heart breaked and
I’m all out of love.”
2/15/17
I watched her write her
Name for the first time and it
Was the neatest thing.
2/16/17
She pointed behind
Herself on the can and said,
“Look it, a long one.”
2/17/17
So much snot shoots out
Of their noses when they sneeze.
It’s gross, impressive.
2/18/17
We’ve never taken
Her sledding so I built a
Hill down our bulkhead.
2/19/17
He made a frowny
Face today when he tried ice
Cream for the first time.
2/20/17
She was so tired
Tonight, she barely made it
Through dinner awake.
2/21/17
At the museum
I couldn’t stop him putting
Stuff into his mouth.
2/22/17
It’s bittersweet when
She does something new because
Soon she’ll be grown up.
2/23/17
He naps for three and
A half hours at school, but at
Home? Forty minutes.
2/24/17
She said she was “All
Out of hugs,” as if she had
No hugs left to give.
2/25/17
We had a May day
In February and now
They’re totally pooped.
2/26/17
A way to avoid
Oscars FOMO is to have
About two children.
2/27/17
A cool thing about
Kids is when they’re so tired
They can’t fall asleep.
2/28/17
He puts his feet in
His mouth and she puts his feet
In her mouth as well.
3/1/17
“Mommy, I licked your
Vitamin.” “Why’d you do that!?”
“It had cheese on it.”
3/2/17
She woke late and ate
On the way to school like a
Goldang teenager.
3/3/17
Today we went to
A craft store. She called it “Crab
Store” and then “Crack Store.”
3/4/17
We almost got blown
Over by the wind and she
Laughed maniacally.
3/5/17
How scary it must
Be to be a kid and have
Your arm fall asleep.
3/6/17
They keep getting each
Other sick which isn’t as
Charming as it sounds.
3/7/17
How many days of
Normal sleep would it take to
Feel human again?
3/8/17
I can tell during
Bedtime if she’ll have a hard
Time falling asleep.
3/9/17
I like taking her
To the grocery store since
We like the same junk.
3/10/17
“It’s snowing again?
Why? We already shoveled!”
I know, kid. I know.
3/11/17
A five thirty poop
Is remarkable in its
Total awfulness.
3/12/17
They went to bed on
time tonight which is all you
Can ask when clocks change.
3/13/17
Talking a kid out
Of eating her toenails is
Pretty difficult.
3/14/17
Little legs wrapped in
Snow pants swish swish as they trudge
Onward to the park.
3/15/17
She has stopped eating
Dumplings, and now it’s like I
Don’t hardly know her.
3/16/17
He slept through the night
Two nights in a row. But then
He stopped that nonsense.
3/17/17
Unsteadily he
Wobbled through what we’re going
To call his first steps.
3/18/17
I put the same blocks
In the same bucket about
Fourteen times a day.
3/19/17
He eats all day long.
Breakfast, snack, snack, snack, snack, lunch,
Snack, snack, snack, dinner.
3/20/17
A cucumber made
Him cry, so add that to the
List of stuff he hates.
3/21/17
The salad spinner
Made him cry, too, so I guess
He just hates salad?
3/22/17
It took a year, but
Tonight, at last, he peed on
Me for the first time.
3/23/17
For the first time in
Two weeks there was no crying
At preschool drop-off.
3/24/17
At a certain point,
If he wants to keep eating
Cat food, that’s on him.
3/25/17
Mom went away so
We had waffles for breakfast
And ice cream for lunch.
3/26/17
He learned Peek A Boo,
But he covers the back of
His head. He’ll get there.
3/27/17
I love the way she
Describes the songs we listen
To right before bed.
3/28/17
You might not believe
It but my kids aren’t angels
Every single day.
3/29/17
She hasn’t mentioned
Her imaginary friend in
About two months.
3/30/17
Imaginary
Friends come back if dad writes a
Haiku about them.
3/31/17
He doesn’t really
Walk yet, but he climbs the hell
Out of a stairwell
4/1/17
The sarcasm of
A three year old is brutal,
It’s just withering.
4/2/17
She picked chocolate
Chips off the banana bread
And I was so proud.
4/3/17
My son put a gash
In my laptop screen if you
Want a new baby.
4/4/17
I bet everyone
Says this, but my son has a
Big league throwing arm.
4/5/17
She came home saying
The Portuguese alphabet,
Which was a surprise.
4/6/17
She’s much better at
Eating ice cream cones than her
Friends, as she should be.
4/7/17
His whole life has
Been sleep regressions of one
Sort or another.
4/8/17
He throws himself down
In fury, rests his cheek on
The ground, and smiles.
4/9/17
Today he ate an
Orange peel and a fistful
Of mud with gusto.
4/10/17
Happy Passover!
He puked twice in the
Car on the way to Seder.
4/11/17
She made herself gag
Instead of having a bite
Of mashed potatoes.
4/12/17
She didn’t complain
About dinner for the first
Time in seven months.
4/13/17
This morning, he slept
Until seven forty five
Just to mess with us.
4/14/17
She said, “Hold me like
A real man,” but she meant, “I
Want to be cradled.”
4/15/17
We drove to New York
And he busted his lip on
The edge of the bed.
4/16/17
She walked all over
Manhattan without whining.
She earned her ice cream.
4/17/17
He’s totally fine
With being pushed around in
A stroller all day.
4/18/17
Going on a trip
Is great. Driving home from a
Trip is not so great.
4/19/17
It drives me nuts when
She stares at me doing what
I told her not to.
4/20/17
Having to put on
A jacket makes this little
Boy so furious.
4/21/17
Sometimes their toys make
Noise randomly when no one
Is playing with them.
4/22/17
It took forever
To get them to sleep and they
Really trashed the house.
4/23/17
Speak of the baby
And you shall wake him from an
Extremely long nap.
4/24/17
When she woke up on
Her 4th birthday she checked to
See how much she’d grown.
4/25/17
Stepping on rice in
Socks is the worst thing about
Being a parent.
4/26/17
He has the same coo
For stuffed animals and the
Cats. High-pitched and soft.
4/27/17
What’s the protocol
When library books have a
New sticker section?
4/28/17
She got out of bed
Tonight to ask could she have
Breakfast tomorrow.
4/29/17
Don’t worry guys, he
Started eating eggs so now
He eats everything.
4/30/17
His new thing is to
Wake up for two hours at
Two in the morning.
5/1/17
The alacrity
With which the dishwasher fills
Is so astounding.
5/2/17
This morning she was
Extremely excited to
Go to the dentist.
5/3/17
I bet when he has
Words his malapropisms
Will be funny, too.
5/4/17
She’s been learning things
At school: “I broke my booty.
My booty fell off.”
5/5/17
Lately after bath,
She’s been sucking on her toes
For some strange reason.
5/6/17
Her friend got a cut
And asked her if she wanted
A taste of her blood.
5/7/17
She keeps coming out
Of bed to tell me about
Important nonsense.
5/8/17
Before dinner, she
Ate ice cream, which ruined her
Actual dinner.
5/9/17
I’m pretty sure her
Sass will get worse before it
Gets any better.
5/10/17
Have two babies if
You never want to be on
Time for anything.
5/11/17
She’s been drinking the
Bath water again and I
Can’t get her to stop.
5/12/17
Today he took all
The tissues out of the box.
She never did that.
5/13/17
She was excited
For the babysitter so
We should go out more.
5/14/17
She made her mom cry
With a card, so now she fake
Cries when she’s happy.
5/15/17
Any money she
Sees, she picks up and says, “These
Are my dollars now.”
5/16/17
My riskiest dad
Bluff is when I threaten to
Cancel her bedtime.
5/17/17
He doesn’t know what
To do with himself in this
Heat. None of us do.
5/18/17
She said a piece of
Chicken was, “Too large” instead
Of saying, “Too big.”
5/19/17
We flew down to North
Carolina, and we left
The kids back at home.
5/20/17
Even though they’re not
Here, we still woke up early
For which I blame them.
5/21/17
It is very hard
To tell her to stop making
Poop jokes at dinner.
5/22/17
So far she has been
Sleeping through his coughing. I
Hope it stays like that.
5/23/17
She talked about poop
So much that her mom started
Making poop jokes, too.
5/24/17
“When I get older
I’ll get my own ice cream shop
And I’ll work in it.”
5/25/17
He really wants to
Put his own shoes on, but he’s
A baby and can’t.
5/26/17
We play Rocks Paper
Scissor to see who has to
Change dirty diapers.
5/27/17
You try to explain
Why she shouldn’t put Silly
Putty in her mouth.
5/28/17
For people without
Kids, imagine taking a
Red Eye every night.
5/29/17
She’s so quick to do
What’s asked after being asked
A fiftieth time.
5/30/17
It’s remarkable
How much drool can come out of
One giant baby.
5/31/17
We’re not sure where he
Learned it, but the little guy
Sure does like to hit.
6/1/17
She learned how to count
Numbers higher than 10 in
The last week sometime.
6/2/17
When he doesn’t want
To nap he gets so mad he
Poops in his diaper.
6/3/17
He either wakes up
At six or eight, but seven
Fifteen would be nice.
6/4/17
Bedtime is calm when
She falls asleep before we
Finish the routine.
6/5/17
A car with a “School’s
Open” sticker drove through the
Crosswalk we were in.
6/6/17
“Am I going to
Marry Callum when I grow
Up?” she asked today.
6/7/17
Pre-K screening was
Today. It was fun seeing
Her show off her smarts.
6/8/17
“He needs to teach me
Spanish because I can’t say
‘His bum is stinky’.”
6/9/17(posted 6/10/17)
Last night I forgot
A kid haiku for the first
Time since I started.
6/10/17
Tonight, I saw him
Wave goodbye for the first time
But to someone else.
6/11/17
Her first lemonade
Stand was today and I told
Her it’s like the shop.
6/12/17
He cried the whole time
We were eating dinner, so
That was exciting.
6/13/17
I cut her hair a
Smidge shorter than I meant, but
It’s even at least.
6/14/17
She was so confused
Mom had to go scoop ice cream
Instead of just dad.
6/15/17
She was scared of parts
Of a Daft Punk song last year,
But now she likes it.
6/16/17
The little dude is
The Picasso of crayon
Drawings on the wall.
6/17/17
He’s terrified of
The Roomba, so I hope he
Learns how to sweep soon.
6/18/17
He screams if you take
Toys away, and he screams if
You take food away.
6/19/17
You can’t fall asleep
In downward dog, which doesn’t
Stop him from trying.
6/20/17
They played in their room
For forty minutes after
Waking up early.
6/21/17
I took them to a
Meeting at a bar and they
Ate calamari.
6/22/17
Wrapping sandwiches
In tin foil is a dad
Thing I’m not good at.
6/23/17
Negotiations
Start an hour early so
We can leave on time.
6/24/17
She likes languages.
“How do you say ‘don’t look at
Your phone’ in Spanish.”
6/25/17
Kids put things In their
Mouth when they’re outside. My son
Tried a city snail.
6/26/17
He babbles a lot,
But he might have said his first
Real word today. “Nooooo.”
6/27/17
He actually
Has lots of words, we just can’t
Understand them yet.
6/28/17
Hearing a kid say
“Mippisippi River” makes
Everything worth it.
6/29/17
I just bought twenty
Eight dollars worth of bouncy
Balls on Amazon.
6/30/17
He wants what he wants
And he wants it right now and
You better hurry.
7/1/17
When I think about
Not having to change diapers
I’m sad they’re older.
7/2/17
These kids sure seem to
Be banging their head on the
Ground a lot this year.
7/3/17
His brain’s on fire
Now with new words making it
Hard to fall asleep.
7/4/17
The fireworks did
Not wake her this year since she’d
Not yet gone to sleep.
7/5/17
Adult sunglasses
On a kid will never not make
A good picture.
7/6/17
We went for a walk
On the cold beach. They ended
Up going swimming.
7/7/17
No one loves any
Thing more than these kids love to
Swim in the ocean.
7/8/17
We roused sleepy kids
From the car to get ice cream.
It was a poor choice.
7/9/17
It’s impossible
For him to sit still for a
Minute at a time.
7/10/17
Tomorrow we’ll play
Ball for about 9 hours,
With breaks for snacking.
7/11/17
She’s so good at swim
Class now. All of a sudden
It just clicked for her.
7/12/17
I canceled Bed Time
Routine™ because of delays
And it sort of worked.
7/13/17
I forgot a good
Haiku while I was putting
Them to sleep tonight.
7/14/17
He got all of the
Attention at dinner since
She went to grandpa’s.
7/15/17
He crowded the cat
So she hissed at him, but he
Didn’t learn a thing.
7/16/17
He kept dunking his
Face in the wading pool and
Laughing crazily.
7/17/18
He dumped a giant
Glass of water on himself
And it made him cry.
7/18/17
He has a pronounced
And acute Fear Of Missing
Out On Those Crackers
7/19/17
You know who doesn’t
Care about the house being
Clean? Kids. Kids don’t care.
7/20/17
He climbs the sofa.
Joyfully, he summits. Then
He’s king of the couch.
7/21/17
We’ll have to keep the
Drawers empty to keep him
From emptying them.
7/22/17
Any day now, she’ll
Make herself breakfast in the
Morning without us.
7/23/17
I always have dreams
Where I’m searching for something
Like one of their toys.
7/24/17
If you feed him some
Blueberries and roasted beets
You get murder poop.
7/25/17
“I dreamed about a
Polar bear,” she said when she
Came out. “It bit me.”
7/26/17
He likes taking off
His diaper, which is cute, but
Also dangerous.
7/27/17
Everyone in this
House now eats a different
Style of yogurt.
7/28/17
They experience
Ecstasy with a sandy
Beach and salt water.
7/29/17
A thing he’s great at
Is pooping right before we
Are leaving the house.
7/30/17
She learned to pump on
The swing, so now I don’t need
To push anymore.
7/31/17
Now that she learns, she’ll,
Randomly whisper things like,
“The sun is a star.”
8/1/17
This afternoon we
Crashed a rehearsal for the
Open air circus.
8/2/17
She had three pieces
Of pizza, and he had two.
My kids eat a lot.
8/3/17
She rolled her eyes at
Me for the first time last week.
We’ve got our hands full.
8/4/17
The worst of their toys
Are the creepy ones which make
Noises randomly.
8/5/17
She pointed at mom’s
Armpit and said, “I can see
Mommy’s private part.”
8/6/17
There was dancing, and
Sharing a shirt, and falling
From a play structure.
8/7/17
He loves swimming, but
Feeling rain on his head makes
Him very upset.
8/8/17
I don’t want to jinx
Us, but they’ve been going to
Bed so fast lately.
8/9/17
I twisted a knee
And both ankles stepping on
A toy on the stairs.
8/10/17
Tonight we crashed a
Wedding on the top of a castle
Near our house.
8/11/17
He’s very into
Utensils, so he ate his
Sandwich with a spoon.
8/12/17
He figured out how
To eat corn on the cob in
About one second.
8/13/17
He bit the rind so
She showed him the way to eat
His watermelon.
8/14/17
He looks like she looked
At 18 months if she ate
As much as he does.
8/15/17
She won’t stop saying,
“‘Oh my gosh, look at her butt’.”
It was cute at first.
8/16/17
Tonight, he bit me
On the shoulder when I told
Him it was bedtime.
8/17/17
I’m not sure why, but
Her swimming got much better
Since two days ago
8/18/17
When he’s not screaming
His head off, he’s really quite
A jolly fellow.
8/19/17
He puts his feet up
On the table even if
We tell him not to.
8/20/17
He always wants to
Be holding one more ball than
He’s holding right now.
8/21/17
If they start sleeping
Do I get my short and long
Term memory back?
8/22/17
He really wanted
To use utensils to eat,
So he taught himself.
8/23/17
It’s painful to throw
Out anything she’s written
Her name on in school.
8/24/17
She had her last day
Of preschool today which feels
Like an achievement.
8/25/17
He dumped a bag of
Peanuts on the floor and just
Stood there eating them.
8/26/17
Some days I want to
Burn all of their toys and some
Days only a few.
8/27/17
As soon as they get
To the beach, they’re instantly
All covered in sand.
8/28/17
Even on vacation,
He’s still crapping his diaper
Over and over.
8/29/17
Usually if
He’s crying, it’s just because
He’s really hungry.
8/30/17
A cliche haiku
About needing vacation
After vacation.
8/31/17
He cried all the way
To school today because his
Sister wasn’t there.
9/1/17
I just fell down the
Stairs while holding my kid, but
I mostly caught him.
9/2/17
Today we went to
A theme park, and it wasn’t
The worst time ever.
9/3/17
Goodness it’s fun how
Many different words he’s
Able to say now.
9/4/17
He calms way down when
He’s not feeling well. Almost
Like another kid.
9/5/17
Today was her first
Day at school and she did not
Hesitate at all.
9/6/17
They need to catch up
In school because multiple
Pick ups are not fun.
9/7/17
When both your kids have
The hiccups at the same time,
It’s hilarious.
9/8/17
I’m pretty sure she
Likes pizza more than I do
Which is quite a lot.
9/9/17
She made a friend cry
By telling her she’d put her
In the garbage can.
9/10/17
He has a lot of
Words now, but he says “mama”
The most urgently.
9/11/17
As I sang to him
He put his finger on my
Lips and said, “No, no.”
9/12/17
She didn’t know the
Word “stapler.” She asked for “the
chomper,” which makes sense.
9/13/17
We can leave the house
Faster in the morning when
We put her in charge.
9/14/17
We had never run
Crayons though the dishwasher
Until yesterday.
9/15/17
He runs straight for the
Animal crackers when I
Pick him up from school.
9/16/17
He thinks it’s funny
To run into the bedroom
And pee on the floor.
9/17/17
A fever was the
First thing in a year to get
Her to nap at home.
9/18/17
He sits at dinner
Long after everyone’s done
Laughing at his food.
9/19/17
It’s hard to describe
Some cute things he does like how
He blows on hot food.
9/20/17
There’s always so much
Laundry. It’s impossible
To fold all of it.
9/21/17
He loves dropping his
Big sister at school so he
Can run in the halls.
9/22/17
The bedtime hijinks
Tonight required far more
Patience than I had.
9/23/17
He was so riled
Up at bedtime, but then he
Just went right to sleep.
9/24/17
She made her mom take
Her to a “PortiParty,”
But then didn’t pee.
9/25/17
This week he figured
Out how to whisper and it’s
Cuter than you’d think.
9/26/17
No swim class for three
Weeks while they fixed the pool and
Now she hates swimming.
9/27/17
The game he likes best,
Is throwing all of his toys
and books down the stairs.
9/28/17
He points at his crotch
And says, “Poop” which is super
Helpful and funny.
9/29/17
All of the kids we
Know were crazy today. Thank
Goodness it’s Friday?
9/30/17
He roared his head off
In the dinosaur section
At the Museum.
10/1/17
Two children’s’ birthday
Parties in one day sure is
A lot of parties.
10/2/17
We were a minute
Late for school today for the
First of many times.
10/3/17
The little monster
Bashed me with a book and put
A dent in my head.
10/4/17
He cries when we make
Him walk, but sometimes he cries
When we carry him.
10/5/17
Right before supper,
She stomped her foot and yelled, “What!
I love princesses!”
10/6/17
He picks green cherry
Tomatoes off the plant, but
At least he eats them.
10/7/17
They both slept through all
Our smoke alarms going off
For twenty minutes.
10/8/17
He throws his bouncy
Balls into the sink and screams
Until we fetch them.
10/9/17
She invented an
Ice cream flavor which we are
Selling at the shop.
10/10/17
Her pre-K classroom
Came to the ice cream shop for
A field trip today.
10/11/17
Kids waste so many
Apples after a trip to
The apple orchard.
10/12/17
Swim class ended a
Little early after a
Kid barfed in the pool.
10/13/17
She’s exceptional
At many things including
Pushing my buttons.
10/14/17
They’re usually
Pretty nutso, but some days
Like today, they’re worse.
10/15/17
He sets his feet, squats
Down low, and throws his ball way
Up into the air.
10/16/17
When mom’s away for
Work, it’s cool to have a big
Diaper disaster.
10/17/17
It’s hard to find a
Hat to fit his big head. He
Hates wearing them, too.
10/18/17
She’ll stand there in her
Undies saying her clothes are
Too cold to put on.
10/19/17
She talks to her food
Which makes it obvious she’s
Related to me.
10/20/17
I like cuddling
With them but I hate when they
Kick me in the balls.
10/21/17
When she says she will
Clean up a mess she believes
Herself every time.
10/22/17
A kid in a pig
Suit getting his diaper changed
Sings Old Macdonald.
10/23/17
The laser background
Was replaced with a flag for
Her first school pictures.
10/24/17
Some days they’re more
Of a handful than others
And today was that day.
10/25/17
Carving pumpkins at
School freaked him out again and
Made him start crying.
10/26/17
I was surprised
How frustrated her sock choosing
Made me this morning.
10/27/17
She would have pizza
For every single meal if
It was up to her.
10/28/17
They’re OK at a
Lot of things, but they’re great at
Manipulation.
10/29/17
She became very
Concerned when she discovered
I have a bald spot.
10/30/17
Seriously, you’ve
Got to hear this kid try to
Say the word, “Pumpkin.”
10/31/17
For Halloween, five
Of the ten girls in her class
Dressed up as Elsa.
11/1/17
It was an error
Bringing her to Target for
Halloween candy.
11/2/17
Turns out the problem
Wasn’t the swim classes. It
Was the pool. Maybe?
11/3/17
They’ve slept like angels
For two nights in a row, so
Tonight will be bad.
11/4/17
We’re getting closer
And closer to cutting his
Magnificent hair.
11/5/17
When we go places
Like Drumlin Farm, she likes to
Join new families.
11/6/17
This morning she cried
For forty minutes but then
Everything was fine.
11/7/17
For the longest time,
She didn’t draw people. Now
She does and it’s great.
11/8/17
Tonight she had one
Fourth of a sausage while he
Had one and a half.
11/9/17
They have fun playing
Together then he headbutts
Her really hard.
11/10/17
She won’t stay in bed
Tonight because she says she
Has “to make a C.”
11/11/17
Her optimism
Peak is asking for a treat
After eating pie.
11/12/17
A cool thing about
Tonight’s bedtime is it’s still
Going on right now.
11/13/17
The main thing she learned
At school in the last month is
How to draw mermaids.
11/14/17
He puts everything
He can fit through the cat door
And some things he can’t.
11/15/17
He started saying
“Pizza” and I love it. I
Just really love it.
11/16/17
Sometimes we listen
To Moana even if
The kids aren’t around.
11/17/17
When he’s sick, he is
Either fussy or he is
Not at all fussy.
11/18/17
He just sits at the
Table eating everything,
Slowly, but surely.
11/19/17
He learned to say, “Kick”
Then wandered around in the
Kitchen kicking air.
11/20/17
I don’t want them to
Grow up, but I’m ready for
Less food on the floor.
11/21/17
If he focuses
He’ll do some real damage at
Thanksgiving supper.
11/22/17
This afternoon they
Were both bananas but for
Different reasons.
11/23/17
He reached above his
Head to the table to grab
A fistful of pie.
11/24/17
Today she played with
A friend in the basement for
What seemed like hours.
11/25/17
She’s losing her voice
And complaining about her
“Mouth being scratchy.”
11/26/17
Who taught him to say
“Gobble, gobble” in response
To turkey? Thank you.
11/27/17
I can’t imagine
She’ll let me cut her hair
For very much longer.
11/28/17
She hates potatoes
So much. It’s irrational
And also charming.
11/29/17
“You like to work right?
So you can buy money!” is
Her version of life.
11/30/17
When they’re crying and
Screaming at the same time I
Feel extra alive.
12/1/17
In the long run, the
3 AM wake ups are a
Fair trade for more words.
12/2/17
Today he skipped his
Nap and he actually
Managed pretty well.
12/3/17
We have a cat named
Ducky, and now he’s saying
“Ducken” for “chicken.”
12/4/17
Yesterday, after
Lunch, he went around giving
Out hugs to strangers.
12/5/17
We got rid of some
Old toys to make some room, but
Didn’t make a dent.
12/6/17
“How did constructors
Build the whole world?” She wondered
On the way to school.
12/7/17
He started saying
Her name this week, but he says
“Cee Cee,” which is cute.
12/8/17
He was talking at
Bedtime after I closed the
Door and she shushed him.
12/9/17
My little baby
Giant hugs other kids so
Rough they start to cry.
12/10/17
He saw snow last year,
But today seemed like his first
Time playing in it.
12/11/17
Have you ever heard
A kid say, “Achoo, achoo.
Nose!” If not, you should.
12/12/17
In the time it takes
Him to eat one, I could bake
A bagel from scratch.
12/13/17
She forgot what we
Were doing and blew out the
Chanukah candle.
12/14/17
He’s been singing in
His crib for four hours. I’m
Scared to go to sleep.
12/15/17
Our thermometer
Was off by four degrees so
Last night was not good.
12/16/17
Turns out she really
Likes getting gifts so it’s a
Good time of the year.
12/17/17
He didn’t get out
Of his pajamas all day,
And neither did I.
12/18/17
The thing is, if they
Sneeze in your mouth enough times,
You’re gonna get sick.
12/19/17
They are well behaved
At restaurants half the time
We go out to eat.
12/20/17
He’s often very
Cheerful and cute even while
Destroying the house.
12/21/17
Changing his dirty
Diaper is way worse when I
Find poop on his sock.
12/22/17
He always eats things
He shouldn’t be eating like
Christmas ornaments.
12/23/17
Last night I had to
Brush my teeth with her awful
Pink sparkly toothpaste.
12/24/17
I had my first taste
Of cookies left out on the
Table for Santa.
12/25/17
When she opens a
Gift she always says, “This is
Just what I wanted!”
12/26/17
This Christmas he gave
Me the gift of bashing his
Head into my lip.
12/27/17
If you have kids this
Time between Christmas and New
Year’s is not a rest.
12/28/17
Sitting silently
In a hotel room waiting
For the kids to sleep.
12/29/17
I’m just really glad
She still likes hanging out with
Us for a whole day.
12/30/17
He doesn’t want to
Wear a coat, and he doesn’t
Want you to, either.
12/31/17
His resolution
Is absolutely no more
Socks ever again.
1/1/18
He wouldn’t go to
Sleep and was screaming for her
To sing ABC.
1/2/18
He might be turning
Into a picky eater
Which would be so sad.
1/3/18
You can’t yell them to
Sleep, which doesn’t stop me from
Trying once a month.
1/4/18
Oh, cool. Two snow days
In a row after 10 days
Of break. No problem.
1/5/18
He ate lentil soup
And eraser, so not as
Picky as I thought.
1/6/18
Gigantic diaper
Blowouts and frozen pipes don’t
Go well together.
1/7/18
Playing board games with
Her is exhilarating,
But terrible, too.
1/8/18
He wanted a toy
Because she wanted it and
She let him have it.
1/9/18
Babies are always
Very interested in
Watching parents pee.
1/10/18
Teaching her to read
A calendar, or how to
Tell time feels like theft.
1/11/18
You can give a kid
A bucket, but you can’t make
Him vomit in it.
1/12/18
Eventually
We’ll have a regular week
Or so I’ve been told.
1/13/18
For the first time, she
Got up for a bit, and then
Went right back to sleep.
1/14/18
The diapers I changed
Last night from 1 to 2 wil
Be long remembered.
1/15/18
They’ve been puking or
Pooping off and on for more
Than a goldang week
1/16/18
The diaper genie
Couldn’t have picked a worse week
To stop working right.
1/17/18
It’s not funny when
He throws himself to the floor
Crying, but it is.
1/18/18
The TV, the couch,
My pants, his tummy are all
Things my son drew on.
1/19/18
I love sneaking my
Kids little candy pieces
Every now and then.
1/20/18
They were wildly
More hungry today than they’ve
Been all year so far.
1/21/18
You don’t ever get
The smell of puke out of the
Rug. You live with it.
1/22/18
He loves dipping food
Into sauces and dip, and
He’s good at it, too.
1/23/18
He hates sharing food
Unless it’s your food, then he
Wants to share it all
1/24/18
She made explosion
Sounds while she was pooping, which
I didn’t teach her.
1/25/18
I find it hard to
Get too low on things because
These kids are so great.
1/26/18
Now you can ask him
Questions and his answers are
More reliable.
1/27/18
“MORE PEEZA!” “OK,
Pal, there’s already some on
Your plate, settle down.”
1/28/18
She tells people she
“Has a growthpert” like it’s a
Headache or something.
1/29/18
Last week he hated
Wearing jackets now he hates
Taking off his shirt.
1/30/18
He goes from zero
To throwing blueberries on
The floor so quickly.
1/31/18
Getting them into
Their carseats in the winter
Is really a pain.
2/1/18
Her winter concert
Was postponed to today and
Her class sang Rudolph.
Another year of Haiku about my kids

4 thoughts on “Another year of Haiku about my kids

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