A year of haiku about my kids.

In the months before my son was born last year, I worried having two kids would reduce my time for creativity even more than one had. To combat what I felt was a loss of creativity, I decided to write a haiku every night. In my mind, it was Minimum Viable Creativity. Before we went from a family of three to a family of four, the haiku were about TV or food or the like, but when my son was born, he was the subject the first night, and the second, and before I knew it, the nightly haiku was now a nightly parenting haiku – or a haidad. It turns out the nightly parenting haiku is not only Minimum Viable Creativity, but also an opportunity to journal milestones every night without having to figure out what to say. Journaling is easier when it’s 17 syllables a day.

Here is the first year of haidad, all in one place. Some of these were originally posted with an accompanying picture, but, um, I took the pictures off for publication here.

2/2
This is my baby
Callum, born today at 2.
Mom and babe are good

2/3
Totally forgot
How to care for a newborn.
Swaddle game rusty.

2/4
If you need a day
Bed in a pinch, you can use
A laundry basket.

Grace taught us that one
When we needed one for her,
But she fit better.

2/5
Only 3 days old
Already louder than his
Sister ever was.

2/6
Not even a week
And I’ve already gotten
His poop on my clothes.

2/7
This little dude has
Now woken up my daughter
Four times in three days.

2/8
I hope I never
Forget the faces this kid
Makes at six days old

2/9
We made it a week
The last seven days a blur
Time marked by diapers.

2/10
A once beloved
Toy jettisoned for something
New is heartbreaking.

2/11
My sleepy little
Boy is starting to wake up.
It’s gonna get late.

2/12
He gained weight back so
Fast, we don’t have to go back
For his two week check.

2/13
I asked, “Hey, bud, can
You stop kicking the seat?” “But
My feet want to dance.”

2/14
Zero degrees and
My nutso daughter wanted
To go to the park.

2/15
It began tonight.
Proper foundation building
Via tummy time.

2/16
I don’t think I have
It in me to take my girl
For her first haircut.

2/17
A three quart a week
Yogurt habit and now she
Won’t eat it at all.

2/18
I have to figure
Out how to rock him in the
Rocker while I sleep.
2/19
By giving me a
Hug, she can make the knot in
My chest disappear.

2/20
When he’s asleep and
His arms fly out wide because
He startled himself.

2/21
Daughter hardly eats
Lunch or dinner but it’s cool.
She eats four breakfasts.

2/22
Said ‘cranberry juice’
Instead of ‘hamburger juice.’
Guess she’s growing up.

2/23
Dude’s only been here
Three weeks, but he’s already
Totally exhausted.

2/24
For such a little
Girl, she talks about nipples
More than you’d expect.

2/25
Crossing my fingers
For no kid waking thunder.
Last night was too loud.

2/26
A newborn’s clothes are
Totally pointless, but they’re
Also cute as hell.

2/27
Housed two hot dogs at
The bar. So it’s pretty clear
That she’s my best girl.

2/28
Every day, she runs
A master class in subtle
Manipulation.

2/29
Something weird about
Watching Walking Dead with a
Newborn on your lap.

3/1
Right before a nap
She said, “I like ice cream. It’s
Good, right?” That’s my girl.

3/2
One month old today.
Time is not a flat circle,
But it does go fast.

3/3
Little dude’s had a
Cold for his entire life.
Babies get stuffy.

3/4
These kids are wearing
Me down and soon there will be
Nothing of me left.

3/5
Used to be smarter,
But then I had two kids and
Now I’m pretty dumb.

3/6
Big girl sleeping in
A big girl bed can get up
Whenever she wants.

3/7
He took a bottle,
So he’ll be graduating
High school pretty soon.

3/8
Her morning cuddles
Are a good reason to go
To bed earlier.

3/9
It’s such a sweet look
She gives while not doing what
You told her to do.

3/10
She’ll stop dancing while
I brush her hair someday and
It’ll go smoother.

3/11
As a baby she
Didn’t laugh for 10 months but
Now she loves tickles.

3/12
A Haiku about
Missing my family, but
I’m not saying “fam.”

3/13
Only gone two days
But I bet both of them will
Have aged immensely.

3/14
He doesn’t cry, if
You hold him. He sleeps pretty
Well, if you hold him.

3/15
Why is he crying?
Is he sick? Dirty? Hungry?
Oh, guess he’s tired?

3/16
We had pulled chicken
On rolls tonight. Of course she
Only ate the roll.

3/17
“Yesterday I threw
Up in my crib when I was
A little girl, right?”

3/18
When going to bed
She wraps her bangs around her
Finger for comfort

So I assume we’ll
Never cut her hair until
It’s Rapunzel-length.

3/19
Swim class, big walk, nap,
Shampoo, dance party, dinner.
It was a big day.

3/20
Snack, Potty, Nap is
The toddler set version of
a Gym, Tan, Laundry.

3/21
All I’m saying is
The kid better really like
His new Rock n Play.

3/22
Formerly sweet kid
Now learning insults. First one?
“I’m not your best friend.”

3/23
If you are what you
Eat, my daughter is Peking
Ravioli now.

3/24
She eats hummus by
The literal spoonful, but
chick peas, oh no!

3/25
Still doesn’t know there’s
An ice cream shop named for her,
But she’s getting close.

3/26
“Two more minutes.” “No!
FIVE more minutes.” She counts now,
Which will be trouble.

3/27
After waking she
Said, “I’m awake now.” And then,
“You’re a good jumper.”

3/28
She said “Pizza Cat”
All night. Not sure why, but I’m
Certainly intrigued.

3/29
“*Your* son just peed in
His ear.” Sure, he’s *my* son when
He pees in his ear.

3/30
Parenting’s hard when
You have to make rules like, “no
Bare butts on the couch.”

3/31
My children took my
Short-term memory and they’re
Not giving it back.

4/1
She tried to skip her
Nap today, like a goon, but
I wouldn’t let her.

4/2
Getting kids to sleep
At night always feels like a
Minor miracle.

4/3
She was holding a
Bag of popcorn kernels when
They spilled on the floor.

4/4
Take my word for it,
She keeps doing cute things that
Are hard to describe.

4/5
She likes to try things
Like trying one bite from five
Different doughnuts.

cc Blackbird Doughnuts
4/6
The kid doesn’t nap,
And when he’s tired he cries
Just like a baby.

4/7
He wants to go to
Bed earlier, but he can’t.
We’re still eating then.

4/8
Fell asleep doing
Bedtime. It’s a wonder it
Hasn’t happened more.

4/9
The kids always end
Up with devil locks in their
Hair when I do bath

4/10
Treats rule everything
Around her. Get the candy!
Sugar, sugar, ya’ll!

4/11
All of a sudden
She does whatever she wants.
There are no more rules.

4/12
Goldfish for breakfast
Apple juice for lunch. Dinner?
Cheese puffs, broccoli.

4/13
He came to kick ass
And spit up a lot, but he’s
Not done spitting up.

4/14
For someone who claims
To be potty trained she pees
On the floor a lot.

4/15
“You’re not my best friend
Anymore because you keep
Saying ‘go to sleep’.”

4/16
She’s a BernieBro
About after dinner treats.
I kind of am, too.

4/17
I asked for a bite
Of her dumpling. She said, “It’s
Not gonna happen.”

4/18
She actually
Ate three distinct meals today
And plenty of snacks.

4/19
First dentist vist
Today. The toothpaste flavor?
“Vanilla Cupcake.”

4/20
Tonight she didn’t
Eat more than she did eat. Her
Plate was very full.

4/21
A few years ago,
I dressed my daughter like Prince.
Who wore it better?

RIP, Prince.

4/22
She didn’t want a
Piece of karpas on her plate.
“But, it’s symbolic!”

4/23
She always closes
Her door behind her when she
Wakes up in the night.

4/24
She turned three today.
I’m already nostalgic
For my little girl.

4/25
She said, “Pooping is
More important than Peppa
Pig,” which is correct.

4/26
I had to go out
Before bed so she stayed up
Until I got back.

4/27
She forgot how to
Fall asleep and now it’s all
Very terrible.

4/28
Tonight’s bedtime has
Gone one million times better
Than last night. So far.

4/29
It was almost two
Hours before she came out
Of her room tonight.

4/30
In swim class she swam
With nothing but a floatie.
She’s come a long way!

5/1
She said she couldn’t
Taste the broccoli if she
Shut her eyes tightly.

5/2
Imagination
Is fine, but I don’t support
Pretending to poop.

5/3
So mad about how
Bedtime went tonight, there’s no
Joke in this haiku.

5/4
Bedtime was delayed
Tonight when Pacifier
Fell in the toilet.

5/5
Children conspire
To destroy any semblance
Of a peaceful night.

5/6
He smiles all the
Time, and he’s a giant. But
He’s a shrieker, too.

5/7
Having fruit leather
Around is one of the great
Parts of raising kids.

5/8
Today, both my kids
Pooped on mom for Mother’s Day.
Shout out to the moms!

5/9
It’s just a phase. It’s
Just a phase. It’s just a phase.
It’s just a dang phase.

5/10
I thought she’d be shy
And scared at her check up, but
She handled it fine.

5/11
She told her first joke
Tonight. I was just as proud
As I thought I’d be.

5/12
Little kids have no
Sense of personal space. They
Always stand so close.

5/13
Takes an hour to
Get a five minute nap which
Seems reasonable.

5/14
She says ‘showentell’
Instead of ‘hotel,’ and I’m
Not correcting her.

5/15
She tried beef tartare
Last night and liked it because
It was on Saltines.

5/16
I read books with her
Every night, but I hide the
Really awful ones.

5/17
She’s not so great at
Cleaning up after herself
So we know she’s ours.

5/18
The simplest thing;
Now she alternates feet when
Going up the stairs.

5/19
I’m told he’s started
Laughing, but I’m not so sure.
She only laughed once.

5/20
He rolled over for
The first time right before I
Headed out to work.

5/21
First parentless swim
Class today. She did fine and
I was super proud.

5/22
Little babies don’t
Need cargo pants and barely
Have a use for hoods.

5/23
Son celebrated
Wife’s first day back at work by
Pooping on her skirt.

5/24
I don’t judge, but a
Kid at the park today wore
An old dog jacket.

5/25
My rotten kids have
Gotten up at 5 AM
3 days in a row.

5/26
As a baby, my
Daughter had a lot of chill,
But my son does not.

5/27
I got a clip of
Him laughing which proves he’s not
Totally mirthless.

5/28
It was hot today,
But they didn’t melt, which would
Have been pretty weird

5/29
Grabbing sweets at the
Memorial Day Parade,
Smiling widely.

5/30
Add cocoa to a
Smoothie to turn your daughter
Into the Joker.

5/31
I skipped sunscreen for
Her because it was shady
And now she’s sunburned.

6/1
Turns out, you can’t stop
Laughing when your kid says, “No!
Stop laughing at me!”

6/2
Something I didn’t
Expect my daughter to like
Is calamari.

6/3
The kids sat in an
Ant patch and got bit. “There were
Hundreds and hundreds!”

6/4
To her it’s normal
Eating dumplings along with
Tikka Masala.

6/5
“Do you know who is
My best friend? Cake.” She is young,
But her heart’s open.

6/6
He’s so happy when
He wakes up while you’re trying
To put him to sleep.

6/7
She just came out of
Her room because, “There are two
Scaries in my bed.”

6/8
Malapropisms
Like “arbow” for “elbow” make
Great haikus always.

6/9
I get crankier
Than her on the days when she
Gets up too early.

6/10
She’s asleep on the
Edge of the bed with her face
Pressed into the wall.

6/11
She took out all the
Little shrimps from the House Fried
Rice, and she ate them.

6/12
So far, one of my
Best dad-moves is getting her
to call “shorts” “short pants.”

6/13
The infant version
Of ‘Stay Woke’ involves missing
Naps and things like that.

6/14
I call her Baba,
I call him Baba, and I
Call the cats Baba.

6/15
One reason he can’t
Sit up is because his head
Is so gigantic.

6/16
I had the chance to
Say, “can you stop licking your
Baby please?” today.

6/17
For wife’s birthday she
Said she was getting a train,
And a ladybug.

6/18
Found a nip at the
Field and spilled it on herself.
Strawberry vodka.

6/19
Made him laugh twice this
Week, which is twice as much as
She laughed when little.

6/20
To make him cry, put
Watermelon in his mouth
And then take it out.

6/21
She said, “OK, I’m
Not going to step on his
Eyes or anything.”

6/22
She has so many
Toys and books she never sees.
I hope he likes them

6/23
She lost her Special
Treat when she went into the
Pool with her shoes on.

6/24
As she ran around
In circles in the driveway
She yelled, “Yeah, magic!”

6/25
I don’t know how long
The morning snuggles will last,
But they’re pretty great.

6/26
She got it in her
Head giraffes roar and I’m not
Saying anything.

6/27
At his first day of
Day care, they said he was “a
Very good baby.”

6/28
Another Haiku
About my kid not going
To sleep on her own.

6/29
Watching her eat pasta
One spaghetti piece at a
Time is annoying.

6/30
I hold her hand tight
Because maybe she won’t let
Me when she’s older.

7/1
He uses up all
His naps at day care, so he
Doesn’t nap at home.

7/2
She couldn’t have been
Happier when she smiled
And said, “I ate rocks!”

7/3
You can imagine
What I said when fireworks
Startled her awake.

You know, because she
Falls asleep so easily
Every single night.
7/4
“Don’t swallow the pit.
Don’t swallow the pit, honey!”
“Swallowed it.” Oh well.

7/5
We stopped reading the
Wonder Woman book when she
Asked, “Where are her clothes?”

7/6
The heat doesn’t make
Her melt and I don’t think she
Feels temperature.

7/7
I don’t know how I’ll
Explain weeks like these to my
Kids when they’re older.

7/8
The last few weeks she
Expresses opinions more;
Mostly about clothes.

7/9
I’m consistent in
My routine, she’s consistent
In opposition.

7/10
Pick songs you love for
Lullabies because you’ll sing
Them millions of times.

7/11
On vacation one
Of them inevitably
Will get pretty sick.

7/12
She used to be scared
Of water, but now she runs
Into freezing ponds.

7/13
“Toilet paper!” – From
The other side of the house
I heard a holler.

7/14
Future me won’t wish
To have read fewer books with
Her during bedtime.

7/15
Negative eight or
Ninety degrees, it’s the same.
“Dad, let’s go outside.”

7/16
He used to have no
Chill at all, but now he’s got
Quite a bit of chill.

7/17
This week, she started
To realize we own the ice
Cream store we go to.

7/18
He’s enthralled with his
Big sister already, and
She’s sweet on him, too.

7/19
Today he had his
First bites of solid food. He’s
Gonna eat so much.

7/20
“I’ll be the mommy
Wonder Woman Elsa. You
Be Elsa baby.”

7/21
I’m glad they’re asleep
And not watching this garbage.
They deserve better.

7/22
I lose my mind when
She comes out of her room 10
Times after bedtime.

7/23
Seems like everyone
Would be happier with a
New bedtime routine.

7/24
Put them both to sleep
By myself. I never want
To do that again.

7/25
She glances at meals,
But snacks are when she gets a
Chance to really shine.

7/26
They’ll never believe
Me that watermelons used
To have seeds in them.

7/27
Her first baseball game
Today was the Red Sox vs
The Daniel Tigers.

7/28
One day we’ll all sleep
Through the night again and it
Will be magical.

7/29
The kids were still up
After dinner for our 10th
Anniversary.

7/30
Now he’s jabbering
Constantly. I expect the
House will get louder.

7/31
He’s so delighted
To see her in the morning.
Giant baby grins.

8/1
He sits up all by
Himself now, one step closer
To independence.
8/2
She likes the sound of
Tooting in the tub. I’ll read
This at her wedding.

8/3
Toothpaste isn’t a
Thing she eats anymore. Now
She just spits it out.

8/4
I was going to
Mention on Tuesday that he’s
Now been here 6 months.

8/5
He got poop in his
Hair because he’s a baby.
That’s what babies do.

8/6
If we get tired
Of his name, we can call him
Avocado lips.

8/7
“Did you poop in your
Pants?” Unabashedly and
With conviction: “Yes.”

8/8
He stays pretty calm
As long as we keep giving
Him cherries to eat.

8/9
This morning was the
First time she told me about
A dream that she had.

8/10
I don’t want to shame
This kid, but his thighs are too
Big for the Bumbo.

8/11
Putting tortilla
Chips in her sandwich blew her
Tiny little mind.

8/12
It’s that time of the
Summer when her whole body
Is a giant scab.

8/13
She skipped nap today
And yesterday which I hope
Isn’t a new trend.

8/14
Two front teeth starting
To burst through his gums. He bit
Me with them today.

8/15
It is possible
To love your child, but hate
One of their dumb toys.

8/16
Tried to sneak some kale
Into her ‘smoodie’ but she
Wasn’t to be fooled.

8/17
They’ll be different
Growing up in the city,
And not the suburbs.

8/18
She said, ‘Popsicle’
Two hundred times in the ten
Minutes before bed.

8/19
We finally cut
Off her baby curls today.
Now her hair is straight.

8/20
“You were very brave
When I was putting stickers
On your face, daddy.”

8/21
We all think this, but
For real, my kid sounds like a
Velociraptor.

8/22
Nobody tell her
The Olympics are over.
It’ll break her heart.

She liked diving and
Gymnastics and we have those
On the DVR.

8/23
She dropped her ice cream
Cone on the ground today so
I let her eat mine.

8/24
She wants training wheels
For her balance bike and it
Doesn’t work that way.

8/25
I don’t want to jinx
Myself, but we might have solved
The bedtime issue.

8/26
Postage stamps are not
The same as stickers is an
Expensive lesson.

8/27
He doesn’t sleep with
His bum way up in the air.
That’s something I miss.

8/28
There’s nothing cuter
Than a tubby baby dressed
Up in his dad’s suit.

8/29
It’s amazing how
Much kids wiggle right before
They finally sleep.

8/30
On the potty, she
“Works” on her phone. No idea
Where she got that from.

8/31
Some nights the only
One who’s not melting down is
The seven month old.

9/1
His version of ‘feed
a cold’ is ‘wake up every
forty five minutes.’

9/2
I try not to laugh
When she calls me a “Poopy
head,” but it’s so hard.

9/3
“My tummy hurts.” “Well,
Do you think drinking water
From the bath is why?”

9/4
I hate when she takes
Off her shoes at the park, but
Kids should be barefoot.

9/5
If the snack bar at
The Museum of Science
Was good, we’d go broke.

9/6
At the park today
She met a dog named Trixie
She wasn’t scared of.

9/7
It keeps happening
Where I find myself thinking
About minivans.

9/8
She knows the word ‘sneeze,’
But I like, “He bless you’d on
His shirt” much better.

9/9
When she’s finished, she
Rushes to throw out food her
Hungry dad would eat.

9/10
It’s cliche, but she’s
Actually afraid of
The clown in her book.

9/11
She decided that
Ferdinand the Bull’s middle
Name should be Aaron.

9/12
He had a sick day
Today; the first where we both
Had somewhere to be.

9/13
She eats more slowly
Than the slowest eater I
Know, who is her mom.

9/14
A really bad name
For a thing kids catch is Hand,
Foot, and Mouth Disease.

9/15
She kind of sleep walked
To the potty, then knocked her
Brush in the toilet.

9/16
She played Miss Cathy,
The librarian, while she
Read to her brother.

9/17
Two things about my
Son: He’s got great hair and he
Drools like a faucet.

9/18
“If I don’t go to
Sleep, they can’t wake me up” is
A bad strategy.

9/19
Who knew all children
Turned into tiny monsters
In mid-September.

9/20
She takes pictures and
Says, “Say, ‘I like tacos’,” which
I didn’t teach her.

9/21
Each day at the park
A new parent gets to ask,
“Where did your pants go?”

9/22
A day alone with
The kid goes fast when he takes
A three hour nap.

9/23
When you don’t know what
To do while your kid takes a
Long nap, it’s stressful.

9/24
She asked, “Who tooted?”
I didn’t know, so I said,
“Well, was it you?” “Yeah!”

9/25
She laughed hard when I
Gave her a piggy back ride
Running down the street.

9/26
It’s hilarious
To babies when dad is shocked
By poopy diapers

9/27
All of a sudden,
We’re giggling our heads off,
But we don’t know why.

9/28
It feels judgy when
He comes home from daycare with
His hair brushed down flat.

9/29
You never finish
Sleep training, it finishes
You before you’re done.

9/30
I caught her in the
Bathroom giving a drink to
The cat from the sink.

10/1
I let her watch more
Peppa Pig than I should since
The voices are cute.

10/2
Our jolly baby
Boy is eight months old today.
He’s pretty mellow.

10/3
She walks through the house
Filling random bags with all
The stuff she can find.

10/4
If I could teach her
Dikembe’s finger wag I’d
Be really happy.

10/5
He’s more excited
About food than his sister,
She has gotten bored.

10/6
Tonight we figured
Out how much tickling is
Too much tickling.

10/7
They don’t tell you in
Books, but it seems wrong to hold
Your kid upside down.

10/8
In swim class, Denise
Said, “Grace and Hazel, please don’t
Hold hands in the pool.”

10/9
My kid doesn’t eat
Dinner, and then complains she’s
Hungry. Like all kids.

10/10
Hand-wash only clothes
For infants are created
By awful monsters.

10/11
A cat that throws up
Tons is really good practice
For gross baby stuff.

10/12
She went in for a
Kiss before bed and he sneezed
Right into her mouth.

10/13
“All the colors mixed
Together” is what she said
Was her favorite.

10/14
Is three and a half
Year sleep regression a thing?
Asking for a kid.

10/15
The best haikus come
To me at 3am when
He’s woken us up.

10/16
Today I won an
Epic power struggle with
My awesome daughter.

10/17
The sleep trouble from
This summer came back and is
Causing more trouble.

10/18
“Dante told a joke.
The cow had a chicken on
his head… Now laugh guys.”

10/19
He was so scared when
Daycare carved a pumpkin he
Cried for an hour.

10/20
“Your daughter’s wash-cloth
Is stuck in the elephant.
She put it in there.”

10/21
She called the doctor:
“Aaron was broken by a
Monster and a shark.”

10/22
Daddy Paci is
The male paci fairy and
He came by last night.

10/23
“What are you dressed as?”
“A runner. And a mommy.
I’m also married.”

10/24
Today she’s three and
A half, which is a haiku
Worthy milestone.

10/25
They say kids clothing
Is junk that falls apart fast,
But this shirt was mine.

10/26
He’s trying to crawl
But so far he’s managed to
Only scoot backwards.

10/27
She learned these words the
Same week and mixes them up:
“Tuna,” “Vagina.”

10/28
I had to tell the
Small goon not to put her feet
In her brother’s mouth.

10/29
She got a bloody
Nose after flipping off the
Couch onto her face.

10/30
The next time she turns
Down a drink of bathwater
Will be the first time.

10/31
I think she needs one
More year for peak Halloween
Craziness to show.

11/1
He picks up food by
The fistfull and sometimes gets
A bit in his mouth.

11/2
The cats will convince
Her at some point soon to let
Them sleep in her bed.

11/3
She eats two dinners
Sometimes, and sometimes she eats
No dinner at all.

11/4
On a hike today,
She hugged a rock, so I think
She needs more nature.

11/5
A baby bundled
Against the chill, laughing in
A swing is calming.

11/6
She wants to know when
It’s finally going to
Start snowing this year.

11/7
It’s when they both get
Cranky at the same time that
Things become hairy.

11/8
I don’t know yet what
I’ll be able to tell them
About tonight’s vote.

11/9
The future is less
Scary for him than her, but
I’m worried for both.

11/10
A cold has made her
Voice hoarse right now and she sounds like
Like a teenager.

11/11
She turns every bag
With handles into a purse,
We have to hide them.

11/12
Immediately
After entering a house,
She takes off her socks.

11/13
Tried to convince my
Daughter she liked lasagna,
But it didn’t work.

11/14
“I didn’t be good”
Is why she missed getting
A check mark at school.

11/15
They were both asleep
By seven thirty, which feels
Like a vacation.

11/16
I like when I can
Make the Haiku just one word:
Amoxicillin.

11/17
His favorite thing
Is to scoot backwards under
The table and cry.

11/18
Doc McStuffins has
Replaced Peppa Pig and it’s
Good, but no Peppa.

11/19
The messiest thing
You can give a baby to
Eat is corn muffins.

11/20
Invariably,
One gets up early, while the
other sleeps in late.

11/21
The popcorn maker
Is just about the best thing
She’s seen in her life.

11/22
He wouldn’t sleep at
4 AM. Then he crawled for
The very first time.

11/23
She listed the friends
She likes, and then said, “I don’t
Like Curious George.”

11/24
This morning she ate
Peking Ravioli for
Thanksgiving breakfast.

11/25
Yesterday he ate
Everything at dinner. She
Ate only a roll.

11/26
He hates having his
Nose blown more than anyone’s
Hated anything.

11/27
To get her to eat
Them, I said cucumbers were
“Salad Marshmallows.”

11/28
She can make a mess
Faster than I can clean and
I just have to deal.

11/29
A crazy thing to
Do with kids is make dinner
An hour early.

11/30
He can’t hug or talk,
But when he headbutts you he’s
Saying, “I love you.”

12/1
Bad bedtimes would be
Good if we had different
Personalities.

12/2
Today she asked for
Help and said, “This is too hard
For little mommies.”

12/3
Usually when we
Have a sitter, they put the
Diaper on backwards.

12/4
Weekend mornings we
Wake early, bake, and listen
To country music.

12/5
James the cat meows
Loudly when the baby cries
In his crib at night.

12/6
Her “computer” is
A Bluetooth keyboard with a
Blue yoga block screen.

12/7
When he woke at 2,
I made a reservation
And wrote this haiku.

12/8
Our enemy at
Night is a cute little boy
With puppy PJs.

12/9
Have a 10 month old
To find all the things a 10
Month old can’t play with.

12/10
Giants scare her, but
Good thing giants are scared of
Cats and we’ve got two.

12/11
“Daddy!” “Yeah?” “No, I
Wasn’t calling you, I just
said the word, ‘Daddy’!”

12/12
When she was younger
Her poop smelled like yogurt. His
Smells like Cheerios.

12/13
She started blowing
Her nose by herself and it’s
Pretty impressive.

12/14
We finally found
Some foods he won’t eat. The dude
Hates eggs and pancakes.

12/15
I find Cheerios
In my shoes when I keep them
Under the high chair.

12/16
She got a troll from
The cereal box and called
It ‘Remote Control.’

12/17
Today we kicked snow,
Walked in slush, built snowmen, and
Ran in a rock club.

12/18
She forgot we ate
Dinner and asked right before
Bed why we hadn’t.

12/19
She got really mad
When the band-aid didn’t take
Away her booboo.

12/20
Birthday dinners are
Fun, but chaotic when you
Bring a ton of kids.

12/21
“Iron supplements
Taste lousy,” the doctor said
But our kids love(d) it.

12/22
She wouldn’t complain
About being so hungry
If she ate her lunch.

12/23
They say don’t go to
The store when your 3-year-old
Is very hungry.

12/24
“When I’m 4 can I
Zac all the candles?” Zac is
The sound a match makes.

12/25
Holidays are so
Exhausting, but then again
So is every day.

12/26
Got both kids to sleep
In a hotel room we’re in.
I’m a magician.

12/27
She has a charming,
Enthusiastic affect
When opening gifts.

12/28
Now he drinks through a
Straw, pulls up, and claps. He’s full
Of developments.

12/29
We moved the crib out
Of our room, so now they share
A room. Fingers crossed.

12/30
No one loved their gift
More than the baby loves his
Brand new xylophone.

12/31
Shout out to all the
Parents who won’t make it close
To midnight tonight.

1/1/17
She spent most of the
Day saying “Rabbit rabbit!
And Happy New Year!”

1/2/17
He threw up. Then two
Nights later, she threw up, too,
Then they were both fine.

1/3/17
She sat quietly
For 10 minutes with a friend
Popping bubble wrap.

1/4/17
She repeats herself
For as long as I ignore
Her. It’s endearing.

1/5/17
I realized I spend
A lot of time watching him
And smiling dumbly.

1/6/17
Several months ago
She fell on her buttcheek and
Said her “face bum” hurt.

1/7
Tonight we had an
Old fashioned “poop-in-the-tub
And-on-mom party.”

1/8/17
Most sleep issues for
Kids would be solved if they learned
To breath through their mouth.

1/9/17
She whispered, “Funky”
Into my ear like fifteen
Times this afternoon.

1/10/17
She doesn’t eat meals
But she has the gall to say,
“My face is hungry.”

1/11/17
In the car, she said,
“The moon’s following us. The
Light will help us see.”

1/12/17
The daycare said his
Hair was bothering him and
Getting in his eyes.

1/13/17
Two days ago, they
Both had colds, and today the
Two of us have colds.

1/14/17
It seems like city
Babies don’t love riding in
Cars. At least not ours.

1/15/17
She said her “bum burped”
Which is something I bet all
Kids say at some point.

1/16/17
I dreamt they had slept
Until 8:10, but it was
5 when they woke us.

1/17/17
He rolled on the floor
For 10 minutes trying to
Bite my socks today.

1/18/17
In the last few weeks
She started coloring in
The lines and it’s great.

1/19/17
She sticks out her bum
When I dry her hair so it
Can get blow-dried, too.

1/20/17
I never thought I’d
Beg a baby to just sleep
Until six thirty.

1/21/17
She got a doctor’s
Kit and coat and calls herself
Doctor McCohen.

1/22/17
Having a baby
In the house means someone will
Eat all the bread ends.

1/23/17
It’s kind of funny
How often kids randomly
Fall out of their chairs.

1/24/17
The stories she tells
Feature made up places and
People, even words.

1/25/17
“You know what I can
Lick? My neck.” And yet, she can’t.
She still tried to, though.

1/26/17
Routines on routines.
With children, it’s the only
Way to not go nuts.

1/27
They knew I had to
Go away so they thought they’d
Get in bed with us.

1/28/17
She’s started dropping
F Bombs here and there and it’s
So disconcerting.

1/29/17
I got a ‘Welcome
Home’ hug at around 6 this
Morning. It was nice.

1/30/17
He doesn’t have words.
If he did, he’d be talking
In his sleep tonight.

1/31/17
“I’m upstairs looking
At myself in the mirror
Doing jumping jacks.”

2/1/17
Pretty ready for
His string of winter colds to
Be done forever.

2/2/17
Now the big boy is
One year old. Happy birthday,
Buddy, I love you.

A year of haiku about my kids.

2 thoughts on “A year of haiku about my kids.

  1. Read all the way through, grinning madly. Parenthood is such a trip. High. Lows. Giggles. Cries. Poop. Surprises. Ancient history in this household, with both our charges out of the house. But, boy, did your haikus bring back memories.
    He stood on the trunk.
    Grinned wide at his mom, and then
    Intentionally peed. Damn.

    Like

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