Everything Don Draper Said Season 4

Here’s Season 4 of Everything Don Draper Said. That is, everything Don Draper Said on Season 4 of Mad Men. It’s over a year past due, but thanks for being patient. Here’s of Everything Don Draper Said (and Season 1, Season 2, and Season 3 (PLUS Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)) This is Don’s most talkative year by far, up by about 25% over the Season 1 talkathon. As always, this is everything Don Draper said transcribed. It’s completely out of context, but if you like Mad Men, you’ll like this.

Episode 1
“Excuse me?”
“What do men say when you ask that?”
“I don’t want to do that? In the third person?”
“Who told you that?”
“Well, as I said before, I’m from the midwest. We were taught that it’s not polite to talk about yourself.”
“I wanted it to be indistinguishable from the movies. I wanted people to be watching it and say, ‘What’s happening in the story right now? Oh, it’s something else’. It’s not an ad. At least not for the first 30 seconds of it.”
“Oh, uh, you all should meet. This is Jack Hammond from Advertising Age. Roger Sterling. Pete Campbell.”
“I look forward to the article.”
“Alright. Where is this party? Sheraton?”
“Next time just have one meeting.”
“Do you want women who want bikinis to buy your two piece, or do you just want to make sure women who want a two piece don’t suddenly buy a bikini?”
“Right now.”
“Can you give me a minute?”
“Count to 100 and buzz me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was coming and I don’t know who that is.”
“And we could have had a conference table.”
“About why there is no table.”
“Well, first of all, they’re prudes. Second of all, Y&R was standing in the hall way when we left.”
“When the competition was fair. Every hour of my time has to be accounted for in the growth of this company. Get me in a room where I have a chance.”
“Y&R has 6 floors of creative. They can throw bodies at this account for weeks. We don’t have that kind of firepower.”
“You don’t say that to the clients, do you?”
“Send him in?”
“What do you think?”
“According to this, I’m already a wealthy man.”
“He already has.”
‘What about it?”
“Seemed so far away when we agreed to it.”
“Start World War III.”
“Leave it alone.”
“Come on.”
“What do you need?”
“I can’t, Roger, I have plans.”
“I could say the same thing.”
“I’ve hardly been a monk.”
“Hello, Celia.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Have you seen my shine kit?”
“No. You need to put things back where you found them!”
“So, how do you know Jane?”
“I don’t have to ask you any questions.”
“You sat down so fast, I didn’t get a good look.”
“It’s hard to believe there are two girls that can wear that.”
“First that Roger was involved in.”
“And there are so many real problems in the world.”
“I don’t know if I can make you feel better about the world.”
“What do you do?”
“And what is that?”
“Like the chorus.”
“That is truly fascinating.”
“I have, but only for business so I’ve never enjoyed it.”
“They make you wear a bib.”
“Two chicken kievs.”
“The Barbazan. I bet that would make a great opera.”
“It’s tempting, but, um, I have plans.”
“Well, how about right now. I stopped the meter, but we can start it again. It’ll be like I just picked you up.”
“Let me walk you in.”
“Waverly and 6th Avenue.”
“For a guy from AdAge, he can really write.”
“Jesus. He never asked me that. Did he check any facts?”
“My job is to write ads. Not go around talking about who I am.”
“Why do you have so many copies?”
“It’ll be lining birdcages by Friday.”
“Well, it’s done. I learned a valuable lesson: Stay away from one legged reporters.”
“That is good news. Thank you.”
“They raise you up and knock you down. I don’t know what I could have done differently.”
“I didn’t mention anyone, that’s the reporter’s job.”
“How much was left in Hoho anyway? We’ll survive with jai-ali off our list.”
“And what do I do differently? I told him the truth. Who gives a crap what I say anyway, my work speaks for me.”
“You want a drink?”
“Oh, of course you do.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Wait a minute.”
“So do it. Harder. Again.”
“Why did you answer it?”
“Happy Thanksgiving.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Where are you?”
“Spit it out, honey.”
“I’m here.”
“Call Pete.”
“I ought to let you twist in the win.”
“I’m not happy. And I don’t think it’s funny or cute. You run something like that by me first. I would have kept you looking like an idiot, or worse yet, making me look like one. Is that what you want? You want people to think we’re idiots, Peggy?”
“Who are you?”
“Why’d you bring him up here if you didn’t want him involved?”
“How much turkey did you eat?”
“Where’s the baby?”
“I’d like to see him.”
“Henry. Come on, let’s go.”
“I’ll sew it on in the morning.”
“I can do a button, I’ll show you.”
“I’ll leave the light on in the bathroom so there won’t be anymore problems.”
“Goodnight, both of you.”
“Do you have your key?”
“For what?”
“It’s almost 10.”
“She didn’t.”
“Henry, do you mind?”
“When are you moving out?”
“Well, you were supposed to be out a month ago.”
“Well, either do as we agreed, or I’m gonna need to collect rent.”
“Or you could just buy it from me, if you want to.”
“Believe me, Henry, everybody thinks this is temporary.”
“Send her in.”
“They could have just as easily fired us.”
“Well, I’m not. I try and stay away from these kinds of shenanigans, but I guess you knew that or you would have told me.”
“Thanks for the ham.”
“Since when do you have a fiance.”
“You brought him with you because you thought I wouldn’t embarrass you.”
“It doesn’t always work, does it? You need to think a little bit more about the image of this agency.”
“I won’t need you in the Jansen presentation.”
“No, I just think it would be better not to have a girl in the room.”
“You go to the swimming pool, you go to the beach. Take off your robe you head into the cabana. There’s no other way to slice it, you’re getting undressed.”
“What separates a bathing suit from underwear? The cut and the print of the cloth, and some sort of gentleman’s agreement. So well built, we can’t show you the second floor.”
“Good. That’s what I was going for. A wink, but it’s not a leer.”
“Modest want to be stimulated, too. This draws them in in a way that will make your competitors seem crude and obvious, plus they’ll be dying to see the suit.”
“You’ll get them into the store. Isn’t that the point?”
“I think I know what you’re looking for. A couple of women bouncing a beach ball. A little girl in front of them building a sand castle. Your competitors are going to keep killing you because you’re too scared of the skin your two piece was designed to show off.”
“You need to decide to decide what kind of company you want to be. Comfortable and dead, or risky and possibly rich.”
“Well, gentleman, you were wondering what a creative agency looks like, there you have it. Hope you enjoyed looking in the window.”
“What? No. That’s not the point.”
“Out. Get out. Get your things and get out of my office, now. Come on! Let’s go.”
“Call Bert Cooper’s man at the Wall Street Journal.”
“Last year, our agency was being swallowed whole. I realized I had two choices: I could die of boredom, or holster up my guns.”
“So I walked into Lane Pryce’s office and I said, ‘Fire us.’ Two days later we were operating out of the Pierre Hotel. Within a year we had taken over the Time Life Building.”

I think you should follow me on Twitter.
Episode 2
“File it.”
“Open it.”
“Too much television.”
“I’ve left that freezer open.”
“So. Drumset. Firetruck. The necklace is thirty dollars and it’s S-B-D. Sally Beth Draper. And, uh, get her some Beatles 45s and him, a transistor radio, too.”
“Lane scaled it back to a glass of gin and a box of Velveeta. We’re tightening our belts, but you will be getting a bonus. Even if I have to see to it myself.”
“Sugarberry has been playing selling hams for thirty years at a fairly steady rate while doing everything they could to create sales and then we do this in a month. You have to give them time to reconcile that.”
“Good to see ya.”
“Well, that explains while you look so good.”
“If you don’t mind working with this old thing here.”
“I apologize, I have an appointment.”
“Is that work?”
“Tell me when they pull the curtains so I can get out of here.”
“What are you doing?”
“Eight in the morning?”
“Well, uh..”
“I hope we haven’t met.”
“Maybe you weren’t in uniform.”
“I really appreciate the invitation, Phoebe, but I’m late for work.”
“I might have a vacuum.”
“I hate parties.”
“I don’t hate Christmas. I hate this Christmas.”
“Can I get you something?”
“Look where we are. You’re good at that.”
“How can you stand going to a hospital everyday?”
“Yes, heading to Acapulco.”
“Nice to see you again.”
“Merry Christmas, Lee, that’s quite a tan.”
“Well, Glo-Coat told me to swing for the fences.”
“What, you wanna be Santa?”
“Thank you.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
“Not for much longer.”
“Well, if anyone can do it. How many Christmas parties do you have to go to?”
“I pity you. Please sit down.”
“You really are a full service company.”
“I’m disappointed. I thought you came in to flirt, but you came in to fight.”
“It’s not personal. I just don’t think you can learn much about people that way.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t see how knowing about my childhood is going to help sell floorwax.”
“And what is that?”
“That’s true.”
“You want to get some dinner or something?”
“Merry Christmas.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“Top right cabinet.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t what?”
“You smell so good.”
“I know.”
“You sure?”
“I understand. It’s OK.”
“Did you enjoy the Führer’s birthday?”
“Did you make it home last night?”
“Come inside.”
“What’s all this?”
“Thank you.”
“I had some. It was quite a party. I really over did it.”
“I, uh. Thank you for bringing my keys. I really appreciate it. I’ve probably taken advantage of your kindness on too many occasions.”
“I just wanted to say thank you for bringing my keys.”
“I know we talked about how tough things are for the firm, but I wanted you to know, well, here’s the bonus we talked about. Merry Christmas.”

Episode 3
“Good morning, Alison.”
“Yes, please.”
“My flight’s not until 12:30.”
“What do you want?”
“Enjoy your family.”
“Might as well.”
“So, what will you be doing?”
“No, I mean for New Year’s?”
“I always wanted to do that.”
“And sailors.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey. Get off my porch.”
“What the hell happened to your leg?”
“What happened?”
“Sit down.”
“What do you want?”
“You got a leak.”
“Call a painter.”
“Hello, Patty. It’s been too long.”
“Stephanie. Last time I saw you, you didn’t have front teeth.”
“Can I get you something?”
“Just for the night.”
“You drinking age?”
“Berkley. Are you sitting in?”
“I have a car.”
“Happy New Year.”
“I’m going to wash the road off me and then we’re going to that place with the beer and abalone.”
“No there aren’t.”
“I strung together a few non-consecutive years in night school. City College.”
“You’re in charge. Trust me. I work in advertising.”
“So stop buying things.”
“You, if God.”
“How would you feel about me bringing the kids out this spring?”
“Wait’ll they tell Betty that.”
“I don’t think she’ll ever understand.”
“After I told her, I felt relieved. I kept thinking how small I was compared to how long it went on.”
“I know. I know. It’s just. I could tell the minute she saw who I really was, she never wanted to look at me again. Which is why I never told her.”
“I had it coming.”
“Come on.”
“So you picked this song because it’s old? That doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
“I think it sounds like she’s inviting us to a very beautiful place where there’s no surfing at all.”
“Uhmm, no. But every time I hear this song I want to go.”
“I know for a fact you did not break that leg making eggs.”
“I’ll drive you, we’ll put the top up.”
“You’ll get picked up by some creep.”
“Couldn’t I just be single.”
“I’m divorced.”
“It’s a means to an end.”
“It’s been a pleasure.”
“Noon. I don’t know if you think I should change it.”
“I don’t know. You’re so beautiful. And young. Anna and I never had a romantic relationship.”
“For lots of reasons. And in a very different way.”
“Cancer. Shit.”
“Of course she’s not going to say a damn thing.”
“Some quacks out in Pedro? What are you going to do about it.”
“Your mother doesn’t get to decide that.”
“Good morning.”
“I thought I’d stay a little longer if it’s OK.”
“We’ll see.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“If you keep smoking that.”
“You saw a UFO?”
“That come on it?”
“Doesn’t scare me, but the odds are against it.”
“You don’t need to see a UFO to know that, but it’s not a great way to think about things.”
“I changed my plans.”
“I need to talk to you.”
“What’s your plan? Just going to let her wake up one day in agony and you tell her it’s over? I’m going to assume that you’ve done everything in your limited means, but I’m here now, and she’s going to see some real doctors. And she’s not going to live in the dark.”
“Specialists. You don’t think she knows something’s going on.”
“She is very important to me. I’m going to do what I have to.”
“She means well, and she’s family.”
“I’m just saying, not everybody has that.”
“It’s different.”
“I have to tell you something.”
“I have to go. I’m sorry. I thought I could stay, but I can’t.”
“I’ll bring the kids out at Easter.”
“What are you doing?”
“You know you can call me if you need anything.”
“Goodbye, Anna.”
“Happy New Year.”
“I didn’t feel like it. You should be in England with your family.”
“No thank you. Do you mind?”
“What is it?”
“There’s no…”
“Well, I will let you get back to your business.”
“I can’t take anymore bad news, Lane.”
“Come here! We’re going to the movies.”
“Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick? Zorba the Greek. Seen it, but would see it again. It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World, no kidding. Send me no flowers.”
“I hate guns and I hate August.”
“We’ll have to smoke the dress.”
“Catherine Deneuve”
“You know what’s going on here, don’t you? Hand jobs.”
“You like it here.”
“I suppose we haven’t been very welcoming.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“That’s tough.”
“Wasn’t my decision. And I’ve learned the hard way not to give advice in these situations.”
“Is that what you want? Or is that what people expect of you?”
“I, uh, was going to call a lady friend of mine. I’m supposed to meet her downtown. Do want her to bring a friend?”
“What are you gonna do? We could pretend it’s New Year’s… It actually is.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Candace, this is Lane.”
“You ladies look lovely.”
“Really? He wrote it.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
“It came this way. I think Norman Mailer shot a deer over there.”
“I told you I don’t like giving advice in these situations.”
“Not in there.”
“She does not go to Barnard.”
“No. Here.”
“I’ll have coffee in a minute.”
“Don’t worry about it.”

Episode 4
“Lee, those restrictions aren’t going to effect Lucky Strike.”
“Besides, Lee, your lawyers came up with them. No more smoking teenagers, we complied a year ago. No more famous athletes, and we’d have to stop using certain angles.”
“Uh, low angles, wide lenses. Anything that makes the smoker appear super-human.”
“Why is this empty?”
“Any of you ladies bring any ice with you?”
“We’ll do our best. Peggy, write it up.”
“I liked your idea. I liked it a lot.”
“What’s the mirror one?”
“Yeah, help yourself.”
“Anything else?”
“I’m sorry, Lee, can you go through that one more time?”
“Oh my God, there’s some kind of fire.”
“Roger, we should go. Sorry, Lee.”
“A dear friend?”
“Because your name is spelled wrong?”
“Very cute.”
“Not mine.”
“She go home?”
“We can go to my office.”
“Can I come in?”
“Glad to see you’re feeling better.”
“If you don’t feel like working.”
“People cry in those groups all the time, Alison.”
“I know. I know.”
I don’t think that’s necessary. We’re both adults.””
“Absolutely. What would probably be even better is if you write up what you want, and I’ll sign it.”
“You’ve been sparkling in your duties. Just put whatever you want, put it on my stationary, and I’ll sign it.”
“Alison, hold on.”
“I’m gonna need a new secretary. And this cleaned up.”
“If that’s what she wants.”
“Nice to see you, Miss Blankenship.”
“Alison found a better opportunity.”
“Congratulations, how’d you swing that?”
“Anyone but Chaw.”
“Keep it up.”
“Please reschedule Dr. Miller.”
“Send her in.”
“Nothing. I moved the meeting.”
“We’re still working things out.”
“How’d we do?”
“Hello 1925. I’m not gonna do that, so what’re we gonna tell the client?”
“How do you know that’s the truth? A new idea is something they don’t know yet, so of course it’s not gonna come up as an option. Put my campaign on TV for a year, then hold your group again. Maybe it’ll show up.”
“You can’t tell how people are going to behave based on how they have behaved.”
“Because, you go in there and you stick your finger in people’s brains and they just start talking, blah blah blah, just to be heard. And you know what, not only does it have nothing to do with what I do, but it’s nobody’s business.”
“That’s right.”

Episode 5
“Donald Draper?”
“You can buzz me for a phone call. Things like coffee, after I’ve said ‘no’, you don’t have to ask again.”
“What’s it regarding?”
“I think we’re done here.”
“This is Don?”
“I know who you are, what can I do for you, Walter?”
“I don’t keep track of accounts after we resign them.”
“I don’t think about it.”
“What’s your point?”
“On the record?”
“I’ve never heard of him. Anything else?”
“Please tell me I missed everything.”
“Well, 50% of the market, who wouldn’t be?”
“When can you bring them in?”
“No. When can you bring them in?”
“Good work. Joan, get everybody that book. I at least want them to see it on people’s desks.”
“Come in.”
“OK, I’m gonna go.”
“Yes I am.”
“Well, you don’t have to. Bed by 9.”
“You’re not impressed.”
“Does it?”
“This place is very expensive.”
Ted. This is my friend, Bethany.””
“Don Draper.”
“Not yet.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I suppose it’s possible.”
“We will.”
“Some fly I keep swatting away. They haven’t done half of what we have, but the minute he declared himself the competition, suddenly we were equal.”
“No. Do you know how to use those?”
“You think you could teach me?”
“What time they go to bed?”
“Are they still up?”
“I could have just left them alone.”
“You’re supposed to watch them.”
“Do you know the river of shit I’m gonna get from her mother?”
“Why the hell did she do that?”
“Consider it severance.”
“I don’t want your advice, OK? Goodnight.”
“Let me explain, OK?”
“Calm down.”
“Jesus. Bets is that necessary?”
“Hold on.”
“It’ll be OK.”
“You didn’t have to hit her.”
“Kids do this. You never did this?”
“Look, it just happened. The sitter wasn’t paying attention.”
“Because you’re so good with them? Take her to the hair dresser. Goodbye!”
“I ran into Ted Chaough. How are they in this thing and how could you not know that? This guy’s drafting off of us.”
“Allow me to show you around.”
“The offices are probably more modern than you’ve seen, but that’s the kind of company we are: forward thinking.”
“This is what we call the creative lounge.”
“Not now, I hope.”
“Mr. Komura, Mr, Saito, this is Roger Sterling. And this is their translator, Akira Takahashi.”
“You don’t get to kill this account.”
“Enough. I’m not even talking about money, I’m talking about the kind of work you can do for those people. Have you seen that motorcycle. They love design.”
“Jansen was over.”
“He’s right.”
“Miss Blankenship, any luck on that call to California.”
“Send them in.”
“Look, there’s probably a guy like Roger at every firm. They’ve out grown it and we haven’t.”
“Miss Blankenship, have I received any packages today?”
“Could you bring it in, please?”
“Give it to him.”
“Jai alai, Clearasil, now Honda. Chaough wins another one by default.”
“I’m not wasting that appointment. We need to do something that makes them notice us. Fireworks.”
“No. But I will and we’re gonna shoot a whole commercial for it. Something outrageous. Something graphic.”
“Because no one’s ever won an account by breaking the rules?”
“You’re trying to tell me that if we put our backs into this thing we couldn’t turn their heads?”
“You don’t think we should go out of pocket?”
“What do you want?”
“Our feeling? Why because she cut her hair?”
“What exactly did she do? Did she set the house on fire?”
“Really? Boy or girl?”
“So you made up your mind, why are you calling me?”
“I am, I just don’t think she needs a doctor. Can’t you talk to her?”
“She’s 10 years old.”
“You brought another man into your bed in her house. You don’t think she noticed that?”
“Jesus, you ever hear yourself?”
“I’m still wondering what makes you work. Joan, Pete, Peggy.”
” ‘A man is shamed by being openly ridiculed and rejected. It requires an audience.’ ”
“It’s from that book you were all supposed to read.”
“Apparently, making a commercial will bankrupt us.”
“Forget the rules for a second. CGC is the same size as us, so if we can’t afford to do anything, they can’t afford to.”
“Chaough said he’s in my rearview mirror, well, guess what. I’m gonna make a left turn, right off a cliff. All I have to do is let Chaough thing I’m making a commercial, and he’ll make one.”
“We don’t have a campaign, we’re not doing anything.”
“You let me worry about that.”
“Can you get the door?”
“I’m sorry, I thought I could put this in here.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Who are you feeding today?”
“This is like a coconut.”
“You ever have this? Sake?”
“What’s it like being a trapeze artist, or did you just ask him about his luggage?”
“He actually said that?”
“Why does everybody need to talk about everything?”
“You have kids?”
“What does your husband do?”
“But you’re wearing a… Are you divorced?”
“But you told me.”
“I do. Two boys and a girl. One and a half, seven, and ten.”
“I don’t see them enough, and then when I do, I don’t know what to do, and when I drop them off I feel relieved. And then I miss them.”
“It is not going well. My ex wife thinks my daughter needs a psychaiatrist.”
“I don’t know.”
“Fake dinner plans with your fake husband?”
“What film?”
“We didn’t make one. It’s too expensive.”
“They couldn’t make it. You created this set of rules to even the playing field. It says specifically no finished work. I understand not everybody has observed this. I don’t really want to be part of a competition like that, so I’m withdrawing us.”
“Thank you for thinking of us. Good afternoon.”
“Lower your voice, please.”
“And CGC?”
“Let me?”
“So, what is it? Are you thanking me or reprimanding me?”
“Send over what you have on the car.”

Episode 6
“Greyhound: The cure for the common bus. Lazy Boy: The cure for the common chair. Budweiser: The cure for the common beer. Manufacture’s Hannover Bank: The cure for the common…bank. How about Alka Seltzer, the cure for the common cold? ”
“It’s an idiom. Did you know that?”
“What did Roger think of this ad?”
“Yes, but I don’t put them in my book.”
“That’s not how it goes.”
“He did.”
“Wish you the best of luck…”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell my secretary you’re hungry. See what she suggests.”
“Are we on Candid Camera?”
“Besides being delusional? He’s Jane Segal’s cousin.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“Glo-Coat. You finish something you find out everyone loves it right around the time it feels like someone else did it.”
“They don’t have speeches.”
“Just because I got nominated doesn’t mean they’re gonna give me an award. ”
“I try not to think about it.”
“Well, it’d be good for the agency. Gray doubled their value in 5 years and it was all based on award. You got anything on Vick’s?”
“Answer the question.”
“He’s your new art director, too, and you have a deadline. And don’t think you can spend Monday hiding behind corners and trying not to make eye contact because I will find you.”
“You are. Because Stan is talented and more experienced. You need to learn how to work with him. Not the other way around.”
“You’re not supposed to say that.”
“I thought I should come in and tell you this in person. That kid? Very, very cute prank.”
“His book? It was filled with old ads.”
“He had five originals. They were all the same thing.”
“First of never.”
“Right after Life Cereal.”
“So, I can show you what’s popular, what’s unique. And the only thing I ask is that you call me Don.”
“Is this for your mother?”
“I don’t. Would you like to give me a price range?”
“Not a unique problem, and I don’t want to be forward, but can I assume this is some kind of an apology?”
“I know what we’re gonna do.”
“It’s always the right size, and nothing says mink, like mink. And you can always come back for the rest of it.”
“It’s the most popular this year.”
“I do.”
“Yeah, it’s an interest of mine and they let me do it.”
“Look at that. Can I give you a call?”
“Of course, Mr. Sterling.”
“Sorry, kids. Game called on account of wind.”
“Make it simple, but significant.”
“Thank you, Joan.”
“Roger, you remember Ned Elliott from K&E.”
“Roger have you had the please of meeting Ted Chaough?”
“In the war?”
“Don’t talk to me right now.”
“I feel like I’ve already won.”
“How do I look?”
“Thank you!”
“No, no, they want to see our presentation. What do you say we put a cherry on this thing?”
“What more do I need to say?”
“Jim and Dennis. Glad you could make it.”
“Joey, you didn’t start without me, did you?”
“OK, everybody ready? So, Life Cereal. Delicious, crispy. And it’s got a big name, you know? And I know you want to associate it with health, but that’s not fun. Joey. Uh, you know what? I got it. Look, there are sweeter cereals than this, but I kept thinking about, you know, nostalgia, how you remember something in the past, and it feels good, but it’s a little bit painful. Like when you were a kid. And ‘life’ that’s a scary word to anyone at any age. So how do we make it fun? ‘Eat Life by the bowlful.’ Little kid, big bowl, big spoon. Kids see the giant bowl of cereal and they smile, because you know they’d eat a box of it if they could, and moms see it and they get this twinge of how little their kid still is, even though they have to deal with life. Get those two together in a market and I think we’re gonna sell some cereal. That’s all I have.”
“In fact, it cold be called the Quaker Oats Family.”
“Children will get the picture, moms will get the irony.”
“I got it, I got it, Pete. How about? ‘Life is just a bowl of Life Cereal’, ‘Life is sweet’, Uh, ‘Enjoy the rest of your Life Cereal’.”
“Gimme a second, ‘Life, the reason you get out of bed in the morning.’ ‘Life, the cure for the common breakfast’. ‘Life, it’s sweetness never ends.’ ‘Life, eat it by the bowlful’.”
“I can keep going.”
“Anytime, fellas.”
“Roger, I’m done. Let’s go!”
“Got anything on Vick’s yet?”
“You still have nothing?”
“You think I’m joking when I give you a deadline?”
“Ida, book a nice room with a lock on it for Misters Olson and Rizzo, bill it to Vick. Don’t come out until you have something.”
“Pete, we’ll walk’em out.”
“You, too.”
“Roger, buy Ned a drink.”
“There you are. Mom called, she was looking for us.”
“Rescuing you.”
“Did you see the part where I won.”
“What’s their problem? Grey won. Everybody won.”
“About the same, I suppose, it doesn’t make your work any better.”
“Whatever that means.”
“You smell good.”
“What do you say we get out of here and really celebrate.”
“Mr. Sterling?”
“It’s Don. Don Draper? Heller’s Luxury Furs.”
“I have a meeting in the building and I saw you standing here so I thought I’d say hello.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just, I’ve left some messages for you.”
“I just wanted to know what you thought of my portfolio.”
“Maybe it was a bad idea, but weren’t you trying to get a break once?”
“He knows I want to do what you do.”
“I think you’re a very important man at a very important agency. Maybe I am risking my job, but I’d do anything to buy you a drink and hear anything you have to say.”
“I don’t think that’s how that goes.”
“You know I’ve been discreet.”
“I’ll buy you lunch.”
“Let me get you a cab. You should go home.”
“What did you win for again?”
“Can you hum a few bars?”
“That sounds familiar. Oh. OK.”
“Who is this?”
“I’m coming on Sunday.”
“I’m really sorry, Bets. I’m under the weather.”
“Uh, yeah. Everything’s fine.”
“Is that yours?”
“Um, really sorry. I have some things to do and I forgot about them.”
“When did I say that?”
“My sister?”
“Look. I’m really late, I should get ready.”
“I had a great time, Doris. Really sorry I forgot I had plans.”
“My phone’s not working.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Eat Life by the bowlful? We worked on it for weeks.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Call Life and tell them it’s terrible and we changed our minds.”
“It’s terrible.”
“Think of 10 more tags.”
“What hotel room?”
“Call the Pen and Pencil? See if someone found my award.”
“Best Actress. It’s a CLEO.”
“Listen, Danny. I’ve been thinking about things and there was a slogan in your book. ‘The cure for the common something’?”
“All of them. I’m gonna give you $50 for the idea.”
“What did I just say?”
“Fine. $100. It’ll be freelance work. Do you know what that is?”
“I don’t have to buy it. I could just use it. Take the money.”
“You wouldn’t even be in this room if you weren’t related to Roger.”
“Peggy! Take Danny over to Joan. He’s starting next Monday.”
“Go away.”
“I hired Jane’s cousin.”
“Couldn’t live without him.”
“Too much celebrating, I guess.”
“Did I not say that? That was wrong.”
“Thank you.”
“Mr. Sterling. Good morning.”
“You told me to come in.”
“You hired me.”
“Yesterday. You said welcome aboard.”

I think you should follow me on Twitter.

Episode 7
“You’re right. Give me $100 on Liston.”
“Absolutely. Samsonite team. My office.”
“Will you make a dinner reservation before the fight for Mr. Sterling and me. Anywhere but the Palm.”
“I’m late, but you’re not. Good work so far. Where do you want me?”
“Endorsements are lazy. And I don’t like Joe Namath, he hasn’t even played in a professional game yet.”
“And women don’t buy suitcases.”
“Could you leave us, please?”
“Peggy, I’m glad this is an environment where you feel free to fail.”
“Because it works, only Samsonite is tough. It’s the execution that’s the problem.”
“Actually funny? Maybe. Funny like I just saw? No.”
“No. I’ve got it.”
“I took care of that. The kids are going to the Palm. We are going anywhere else.”
“Get rid of them.”
“I should work on Samsonite.”
“I’m sorry. You can do that without me. Samsonite you can’t.”
“Nah. I wouldn’t be good company anyway.”
“I do, but it goes the other way.”
“Get in here.”
“No. Joan knew exactly what I needed and made sure that I got it. So where are we on Samsonite?”
“The suspense is killing me.”
“Let me just see where we are.”
“Is this a substance much like bullshit?”
“But it would, wouldn’t it?”
“The government has prohibited us from doing things like that, Peggy, they feel that it is not in the public interest.”
“I gave you more responsibility and you didn’t do anything.”
“I don’t care if you work 10 seconds if you bring me something I like. We’re gonna do this right now.”
“Oh, I know you have plans. You were gonna call me from a bar with an idea. You think elves do this?”
“Excuse me?”
“You like Cassius Clay.”
“I don’t think so.”
“He’s got a big mouth. I’m the greatest, not if you have to say it. Muhammad Ali.”
“Liston just goes about his business, Works methodically. Clay will dance and talk, throw a few until he’s wiped out. A bag under an airplane looks like there’s been an accident. Thee classes of suitcase: Featherweight, middleweight, heavyweight. For whatever class you’re in.”
“You don’t like it?”
“Let it ring.”
“This should be good.”
“You think I’d rather be working?”
“Where are you?”
“Tell’em your sick. Go home.”
“It’s an attractive offer.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
“Go ahead, I’ll wait.”
“I’m not so sure about it. I mean every time we get into this we abandon the toughness. Maybe there’s something to the elephant. You want one? I’m sorry do you have someplace to be? Maybe tap your foot so I get the message.”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“So, now I’m supposed to feel like crap. Oh, I’m so sick that I ruined her birthday. You know when my birthday is?”
“Well, enjoy your evening. By the way, you are twenty… something years old. It’s time to get over birthdays.”
“Go ahead. I’ll do it myself.”
“What’s wrong? Elevator out?”
“Oh. Really?”
“So, go home.”
“You could have just told me it was your birthday.”
“So now this is my fault?”
“Go. Go run to him. Like in the movies. You don’t have to be here.”
“Don’t get personal because you didn’t do your work. And by the way, I know it kills you, but guess what. There is no Danny’s idea. Everything that comes in here belongs to the agency.”
“As long as you still work here.”
“Are you out of your mind? You gave me twenty ideas and I picked out one of them that was a kernel that became that commercial.”
“I do. It was something about a cowboy. Congratulations.”
“It’s a kernel!”
“I changed it into a commercial! What are we gonna shoot him in the dark in the closet? That’s the way it works. There are no credits on commercials.”
“It’s your job. I give you money, you give me ideas.”
“That’s what the money is for. You’re young, you will get your recognition. And honestly it is absolutely ridiculous to be two years into your career and counting your ideas. Everything to you is an opportunity, and you should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus, for giving you another day. Oh, come on. I’m sorry about your boyfriend, OK?”
“May 25th: Ideas for Samsonite. Toughness means that…”
“Peggy, get in here!”
“Come on, you have to come here right now.”
“You have to hear this. Sit down. Come on, sit.”
“Come on, Ida was a hellcat? Cooper lost his balls? Roger’s writing a book?”
“Stay and visit.”
“Sure you do.”
“We have personal conversations.”
“Suit yourself.”
“Well, as Danny would say, ‘there’s no use crying over fish in the sea’.”
“Get the suitcase.”
“I want to seal it up in my nice Samsonite and throw it off the roof.”
“Come on, every idea you have is some version of that, let’s do it. Where’d you go, Mickey.”
“It’s a mouse, I grew up on a farm. You know what? There’s a way out of this room we don’t know about.”
“I think that’s yours.”
“It’s still your birthday, let me get you dinner.”
“What’s the most exciting thing about your suitcase?”
“I’d like to go to Greece. I hear all the good cooks stayed.”
“Is that right?”
“I remember on the way to Korea they told us how many thousand feet in the air we were. There was some other kid there, more of a yokel than me, even. And he screamed, ‘Man wasn’t meant to fly’!”
“Ick, I don’t want water. My Uncle Max said he had a suitcase that was always packed. He said, ‘A man has to be ready to go any any moment’. Jesus, maybe it’s a metaphor.”
“Well, they’re very close, but the best idea always wins and you know it when you see it. Keep banging your head against a wall, then it happens.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Very briefly.”
“Nope. Saw some people get killed. That’s memorable.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“I saw my father die, too. He was kicked by a horse.”
“I never knew her.”
“That is a roach. Let’s go someplace darker.”
“You’ll find someone. You’re know you’re cute as hell.”
“Do you want that?”
“What do you care what I think?”
“It’s not because you aren’t attractive. I have to keep rules about work. I have to. You’re an attractive girl, Peggy.”
“You don’t want to start giving me morality lessons, do you? People do things, right?”
“Jesus, really?”
“Do you know who it was?”
“You ever think about it?”
“Get up. Come on! Get up! Get up!”
“It’s over.”
“That’s what the man just said. Some fight. I lost a hundred bucks in two minutes.”
“Damn elevator is like a rocket. I’m gonna be sick.”
“What’s going on?”
“You don’t belong here.”
“Yeah. Are you?”
“Stop. You don’t have to explain. Can you get me a drink?”
“I have to make a phone call and I know it’s going to be bad, OK?”
“Just make me a drink.”
“Sorry if I embarrassed you.”
“It’s me.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I was…Did she want to talk to me?”
“I’m coming out. I’ll make the arrangements.”
“Of course she did. I’m coming out, I’ll take care of the house.”
“Oh, of course, that’s fine.”
“That’s what they say.”
“OK. Goodbye.”
“Somebody very important to me died.”
“The only person in the world who really knew me.”
“You should go home. You can come in late. I’ll be fine.”
“Come in.”
“I spruced up. Come over here. Look at this.”
“It’s on the front page of every paper. It’s historic.”
“Because the slogan will say so.”
“Why are you shitting on this?”
“Give it to Joey. No, Stan. Then go home, shower, and come back and give me 10 tag lines.”

Episode 8
“They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem. My mind is a jumble. I can’t organize my thoughts, and typing feels like work. I’ve never written 250 words, not even in high school. Five paragraphs, fifty words apiece. God, I was lazy. I should have finished high school. Everything could have been different.”
“Summer’s coming. I smelled it. Then I thought I smelled corn, which is impossible. There it was again. Perfume.”
“Morning, Miss Blankenship, how was your surgery?”
“So everything’s good?”
“Well, good, if you need more time.”
“My book’s at home, can you give me the number for Bethany Van Nuys?”
“I’m out of cigarettes.”
“I’m set.”
“Take those back to the storeroom, and while you’re there, get me some cigarettes.”
“She’s not my wife.”
“It’s Gene’s birthday.”
“More and more everyday about Vietnam. I hope it’s not another Korea. I sound like a little girl. Writing down what happened today. Sunday is Gene’s birthday. I know I can’t go. I keep thinking about it. He was conceived in a moment of desperation and born into a mess. ”
“A list of things I’d like to do: 1. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Go anywhere in Africa, actually. 2. Gain a modicum of control over the way I feel. I wanna wake up. I don’t want to be that man.”
“Too bad.”
“And you told them it’s their hillbilly working the still.”
“Except it’s damaged goods, they’re never gonna want to see that board again. Start over.”
“It? You don’t even know what it is. Miss Blankenship get Joan in here.”
“A redo on Mountain Dew. I want to make Joey full time for a couple weeks.”
“He did the first round.”
“What now?”
“OK, one juicy story?”
“Fine. You can tell it to me later. Boys will be boys.”
“Can you tell Ray Charles to come in here to clean this up?”
“Like most men, I’d rather be an Oscar, but I’m probably a Felix.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Look, I’m here with you right now. We’re on a date. And I thought we were getting to know each other.”
“I do.”
“We are from different generations because I don’t remember women pushing this hard. And I’m not seeing anyone. I’m working. All the time.”
“I’m fine, Henry. Henry. Betty. This is Miss Van Nuys.”
“Well, that was actually my ex-wife, and her husband, and some slob who’s about to have the worst dinner of his life.”
“What are you doing?”
“She’s a sweet girl and she wants me to know her, but, I already do. People tell you who they are and we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.”
“I bet she was thinking about that line all night. I looked up at the Barbazan and I thought of all the women up there. One in every room. Touching themselves to sleep.”
“Waverly and Sixth.”
“I like sleeping alone, stretching out like a skydiver. Cool patches to roll onto. It makes you appreciate it more.”
“This is Don.”
“I assume it’s important.”
“OK. What can I do for you?”
“No, of course.”
“No, no. That’s OK. I should probably come and get them myself.”
“I know.”
“I see.”
“Fine. I’ll come at noon.”
“Miss Blankenship, can I get some coffee.”
“What do you want?”
“Narrative, forced perspective. You sure Joey did this?”
“Well, I wouldn’t tolerate that if I were you.”
“I didn’t say that. Look, Peggy, just go fire him.”
“Yell at him. Fire him. Look, Peggy, you do not want me involved with this. People will think you’re a tattle tale.”
“Send her in. You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.”
“Have a seat.”
“You know, these guys may be embarrassed about having some professional tell them what to do.”
“Not if he knows more. You now I’m right about auto-parts, I used to sell cars.”
“God, this is boring. I think I’m hungry. You wanna eat?”
“I don’t know, you seem kind of dressed up. We could take Filmore Parts with us if we want.”
“Just felt like the timing is right.”
“I could do that. Saturday night far enough in the future?”
“When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere. Just ask him. If you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going. And then he woke up. If you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel and dreampt of being perfect. And then he’ll smile with wisdom, content that he realized that the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.”
“You smell nice.”
“I’ve been swimming.”
“It clears my head.”
“Or something. I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. And it’s an effort to get into the water, but when you do you’re weightless and you don’t even swim. And in the end, you’re wrung out.”
“It’s very hard to get a reservation here.”
“Really? Who’s your guy?”
“Interesting. What’s he like?”
“Two glasses of Chianti.”
“I never noticed that. It’s my two year old’s birthday, but I’m not going.”
“Because I’m not welcome there. He thinks that man is his father. Maybe that’s OK.”
“I know I’ve sometimes behaved to the contrary, but I do admire your work.”
“So, tell me a trade secret. How do you get them to do what you want them to do?”
“And the moral is?”
“You know Aesop did that in probably 10 lines.”
“So what you’re saying is you want my coat?”
“72nd and Broadway.”
“I’m right around the corner.”
“Yes. But I’m just gonna take you to your door.”
“Because that’s as far as I can go right now, and I’m not ready to say goodnight.”
“Hello, Francine.”
“Happy birthday.”

Episode 9
“I’m interested in today. That was Friday. Look, I’ll clear lunch, plus one hour. We’ll grab a sandwich and discuss this face to face. I’m hanging up.”
“The lamp?”
“What are you doing all the way over there?”
“I’d be grateful.”
“It’s cold and soft.”
“I caught it while I was picking up the lamp. I’m already late.”
“Seecor Laxatives. Did I spoil the mood? What do you have to do?”
“Doing what?”
“I told you. What are you working on over there?”
“But you’re not lying in bed with him right now, either.”
“I really should go.”
“Just take your time. Let yourself out. Lock the door behind you as a courtesy.”
“I’m taking everything interesting with me.”
“Afternoon, all.”
“I’m sorry, I had a long lunch, went for a swim. Come back in an hour. I’m taking a nap.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I get some coffee, and let me know when Dr. Miller arrives?”
“Look, I don’t want to get involved in a family squabble, but I can’t move forward until you agree on strategy.”
“That’s not a strategy, that’s two strategies connected by the word ‘and’. I can do, ‘where the pros go’, or I can do, ‘everyone’s welcome’. But not both.”
“Someone has to make a decision. There are three of you. Vote.”
“What? You’ll have to excuse me for a moment. Continue, please.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I am so sorry. Who are you?”
“Don. What exactly is going on?”
“Megan, could you take her to my office? Go.”
“Thank you. Can I pay you for the ticket and your time?”
“You’re right. I didn’t know.”
“I offered you money and I said ‘thank you’.”
“Get her mother on the phone now.”
What do you think you’re doing?””
“Well you can’t do this, this is very serious.”
“Guess who’s sitting on my couch right now.”
“I’m talking about a stranger bringing Sally to my office because she got on the train with no money.”
“How the hell did this happen?”
“Great idea. Thank you, psychiatry.”
“You need to learn responsibility. Now come get her. I’ve got a business to run here.”
“Don’t move and don’t touch anything.”
“I don’t want to hear it. Just make sure she doesn’t leave that room.”
“What now?”
“Are you sure?”
“What happened?”
“Jesus, poor thing.”
“What about them?”
“Sally’s in there.”
“She seemed fine just a minute ago.”
“So, where are we. Have we agreed on a strategy?”
“What was that again?”
“Can we get your signature?”
“Gentlemen. Always a pleasure. Ken, can you show them out?”
“Listen, my daughter is in my office.
“She decided to run away today.”
“I’d really appreciate it if you could go in my bag, get my keys, take her to my apartment, and just sit with her.”
“I would have my secretary do it, but she’s dead.”
“We really have to have this discussion right now? You’re Fay.”
“Sally, this is my friend, Fay. She’s going to take you to my apartment.”
“You don’t want this to get worse, believe me.”
“Anyone track down her family?”
“Yes. Take all my calls up here.”
“Don’t ‘hello, daddy’ me. Go sit down.”
“How was it?”
“Want to stay? You’re gonna need to eat.”
“Thank you.”
“I want you to promise me you are never going to do this again.”
“Yes, I’m still mad at you.”
“What? No.”
“I gave her my keys.”
“Everyone has peanutbutter.”
“Look, I do like her, but we just work together, and I talk about you a lot. Do you like her?”
“Well, good. Maybe we can see her again sometime.”
“Get out some plates.”
“You sure you don’t want to call your mother or your brothers?”
“I love you, too. Did you brush your hair?”
“You can’t do that, honey.”
“Where you gonna go to school down here? What about your friends, what about your brothers?”
“Sally. Go to sleep.”
“You know I don’t like you using the stove.”
“No. Where’d you learn how to do this.”
“What’s on this?”
“Go get it.”
“That’s rum. Read labels.”
“Not really. Get dressed and I’ll get you a bun at the office.”
“Alright, here’s the deal. No negotiating. I’m gonna call in, move everything to noon. We’re gonna go to the Central Park Zoo.”
“One or the other, we only have until noon.”
“Sally, this is Megan.”
“Her mother should be by at five. Can you handle five minutes?”
“She ate plenty. I’m gonna get coffee and check in.”
“Where’s Dr. Miller?”
“She is.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Glad I came in for this.”
“Our job is to make men like Filmore Auto, not make Filmore Auto like Negroes.”
“Pick one, get it written and recorded, and if they want to change it, we will charge them to change it.”
“Go ahead.”
“Your mother’s gonna be downstairs in a minute. Get your things.”
“You can’t.”
“Because you have to go home.”
“Come on.”
“Do you want me to carry you out of here?”
“Can you talk to her?”
“Please, I can’t bring her kicking and screaming back to her mother.”
“Just talk to her.”
“Dr. Fay wants to talk to you.”
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Come on.”
“Thank you.”
“We lost track of time.”
“Thank you.”
“Can you make me one of those?”
“Why are you upset?”
“Things happen, I did plan it.”
“There was no one else to do it.”
“That was not your fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I mean it.”
“Jesus, what a mess.”

Episode 10
“It’s me. Has Sally left for camp yet?”
“Can I speak with her?”
“I missed you this weekend. And I have big surprise for you. Can you keep a secret? Do you think your friends are going to be jealous when they find you’re going to see The Beatles on Sunday at Shea Stadium? ”
“You heard me.”
“Hello? Sally?”
“I’m gonna need her Sunday. We’re going to see The Beatles.”
“You can’t be mad if I wear earplugs.”
“OK. See you Sunday.”
“I guess we’re just a little confuse of what is we’re selling.”
“How would you feel about avoiding the idea of defense altogether?”
“Gibby. George. Good to see both of you again.”
“Why, I thought we were talking about Meet the Press? I don’t see Minuteman misseles breaking up The Hillbillies.”
“Well, give me those tickets before you go anywhere.”
“I’m not worried. Not in the slightest.”
“Hmm, I may have plans.”
“So, how long is your visit?”
“I think the view is better here.”
“Whiskey sour sounds good.”
“So, what’s your line, Robert?”
“We will.”
“I’ll take it, and Megan can you check on those tickets?”
“Bets, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Woah. Hold on. What exactly happened?”
“Who were they?”
“About what?”
“And what did you say?”
“I’m sorry, I, uh, Jesus. I didn’t know anything about this.”
“Of course you should. There’s not problem with any of that.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry for inconveniencing you.”
“Thank you.”
“Meghan, have I been contacted by the Department of Defense.”
“I never looked at it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what it was?”
“This is very serious, Meghan. I should have been consulted.”
“Is Mr. Campbell still at lunch?”
“Let me know the minute he returns.”
“Close the door.”
“Were you aware that we applied for security clearance to the Department of Defense?”
“They interviwed Betty. G-Man.”
“Megan did. And I signed it without looking because that’s what I do.”
“There’s 3 lies. In 8 questions here.”
“If they talk to his family. He was an engineer? My age is wrong.”
“Remember you mentioned once that you have a friend there?”
“Stop it. Kill it. At least find out how far it’s gone.”
“Look, this isn’t your problem. I just want some warning.”
“Whatever I have to. You can run the agency without me.”
“Take the next one?”
“How many people does he have to talk to?”
“But he talks to you?”
“Are you crazy?”
“It’s desertion. There’s no statute of limitations.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Get rid of it.”
“No. Thank you.”
“I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.”
“Well, I’m interested in setting up some kind of trust for my kids.”
“Now. And I want it to be the kind of account their mother can access.”
“Look. If circumstances conspire. She’ll know why.”
“Nothing. It just ran through my mind that maybe I’m not prepared.”
“Just tell me that you’ll do that and then I’ll sleep better.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fine.”
“Send her in.”
“I owe you a phone call, don’t I?”
“I’ve been snowed under. I should have called. I should have called today. I have to cancel.”
“Yeah. I haven’t been feeling well.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know them.”
“I think I’m having a heart attack.”
“No. But I can’t breathe.”
“Stop it. Please. Don’t touch me.”
“You’re not a real doctor.”
“You should go.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that 2 hours ago?”
“Thank you for staying. I don’t know what happened.”
“I’m so tired.”
“I’m tired of running.”
“In Korea, I was wounded, but this other man was killed, and they mixed us up. I wanted them to. And I… Just kept living as him.”
“Yup. But now I think that’s over.”
“North American Aviation told the government they needed to know who I am.”
“There’s nothing to do.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I shouldn’t have told you. But I’m just so damn tired of all of it.”
“Come in.”
“Thank God.”
“Tell NAA, we want Martin Marietta or Hughes.”
“This is the business we’re in. Accounts come in. Accounts go out.”
“Send her in.”
“I didn’t expect you to stop by.”
“I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
“I think I better be on my own tonight. Why don’t we see each other tomorrow?”
“We’ll see.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“No. You can go.”

Episode 11
“I should get it.”
“Bullshit, call Roger.”
“Wake Cooper, meet me in the office.”
“I’m not sure, I have to make a call.”
“Yeah, I don’t think he’ll go back to sleep.”
“Tomorrow morning we’re getting on the 6AM to Raleigh-Durham.”
“Midnight. You want one?”
“It looks like Lucky Strike might have gone south.”
“Obviously we’d like to avoid that information getting out.”
“Supposedly they’re consolidating for a lower commission at BBDO.”
“Everyday I tried not to think about what would happen if this happened.”
“How’s that?”
“I’m not at that point yet.”
“Uh, everyone, if we could have your attention, please? Bert.”
“Pete Campbell and Ken Cosgrove will handle calls to clients. These are the only calls we want made with this news. Now we’ve had a pretty good year. We’ve gained more accounts than we’ve lost. A lot more. Because our work is thoughtful and effective. Even Lucky Strike said so. which means that nothing should change. Nothing will change. We’re going to push ourselves shoulder to shoulder, and we’re gonna over come this, and succeed tenfold and it will be exhilarating. Joe?”
“Peggy. Freddy. Stan. Danny. In my office.”
“We’re in some trouble here, and creative needs to be on its toes.”
“You’re in this room. That’s all I can say. Now, myself and the other partners will be out there beating the bushes for new business, but creative’s job is to hold on to what we have. That means, clients’ ideas should seem better thatthey normally do. For the next few weeks, the only words you know are, ‘Yes, sir’.”
“That means Stan you babysit that Samsonite shoot every day and Peggy, the Playtex presentation is still set for tomorrow.”
“No, you’re still gonna do it. It’ll look desperate if I’m suddenly involved.”
“Be successful.”
“OK, let’s skip the gossip out there and get to work.”
“Peggy, you’re not worried?”
“We don’t even know how bad this is going to be until Lane shows up.”
“You’re not paying for anything, but I’m counting on you. Close that, will you?”
“Because they’re afraid we won’t be here.”
“Pete, wake up!”
“I think Roger knew him.”
“What does he want?”
“Didn’t you talk to him this morning?”
“Al, how are you?”
“Alright, Al.”
“Now can I talk?”
“I don’t think you understand what’s happened here. And I’m not talking about losing Lucky Strike.”
“Really? So that has nothing to do with this.”
“OK, you’re right, it is bad timing.”
“Because that commercial, that little cowboy kid, was the first successful strategy you’ve been near since you sponsored Fibber McGee and Molly. We won the CLEO.”
“With work we did for you, with your direction.”
“Look, I’m coming out there, we’re gonna talk about this in person.”
“You know we’re gonna want another shot at this soon.”
“We’ll be here, don’t worry.”
“No, but I need a favor. Make sure I don’t overdo it.”
“Stop me at three. This is one.”
“Go to the hospital, there’s nothing to do here. It’s obviously what matters to you.”
“I don’t know what the hell you said to them this morning.”
“So, Joan. That puts us at, what, $20 million and change?”
“All you had to do was tell them everything was fine.”
“I think you’re distracted, and because of that, I think you scared the shit out of them.”
“It’s 8:00, there’s only so much we can pretend like we’re doing.”
“You want something?”
“I’m one over for the day.”
“It was… Miserable. Clients are running scared. I’m used to having my ideas rejected. Not me. How you doing?”
“Who’s unhappy?”
“Yeah? Like who?”
“No, why? I’m drowning here.”
“If a client is unhappy, they’re unhappy. There’s nothing against telling them to have dinner with me, or if you don’t want to, tell me who they are, I’ll call them out of the blue.”
“Sure you can. Who’ll know?”
“What about protecting the clients?”
“That’s not your business, that’s Atherton’s. This is everything to me.”
“I would do it for you.”
“What exactly did he say?”
“Remember how to do that?”
“Because you ignored it. One damn account and you ignored it.”
“He would have never let this happen, because you do what you can do, which is nothing.”
“Let me get my coat.”
“And we have dog food experience.”
“Why are you still here?”
“We’ll see.”
“Get me the campaign briefs on Ken’s accounts and then you can go. And send Peggy in?”
“Did you do that?”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’ll take those.”
“Thank you, you can go.”
“This is a little complicated.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“No, I don’t mind.”
“This is a strategy statement, signed by Filmore Auto Parts. Copywriters stray from these midstream sometimes if they have a better idea, but we can’t take that chance now.”
“What did you like about the commercial.”
“Where are you from?”
“Why’d you move here?”
“You’re an artist?”
“What are you laughing about?”
“Well, you haven’t been here that long.”
“I could see that’s what everybody must think.”
“You want one?”
“You don’t know that.”
“Wait. Megan, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“I can’t make any mistakes right now.”
“Do you want to grab a bite?”
“Wait. Did you want to go first?”
“I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“So you were gonna write it on an envelope?”
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want to stay?”
“I’ll probably fall asleep on you.”

Episode 12
“First, I want to assure you that no one at my agency knows about this meeting.”
“I’m here to help. I have my own thoughts, but how would you describe your… well, your current frustrations.”
“So, ketchup, chili sauce, and soup end up at BBD, and vinegar, sauces, and beans end up at Ketchum McCloud.”
“They obviously don’t know what kind of client you are.”
“Well, it’s very possible that Heniz beans don’t need to be funny because they’re a food, not a condiment. They’re substantial.”
“How about six days.”
“That’s true, but…”
“I do.”
“So where’s the harm in coming in and hearing some ideas.”
“Hold on. Raymond, I will have an exciting idea. I happen to know that. Would a discounted commission make up for the break in period?”
“Well, you can see I don’t want to let this go.”
“Thank you. It was really great to meet you.”
“Excuse me, waiter?”
“Can you get us a date?”
“Well, they certainly ran away from that in the right direction.”
“Thank you, for that. But thank you much more for this. This is what I was hoping for.”
“Home. You look good.”
“Yes. Well, uh, I have my own firm now.”
“Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.”
“There are good days and bad days, like anything else.”
“I wish I could help right now. Maybe in six months. You can use me as a reference.”
“I thought I would have run into you in the Village. I’m always expecting to see you in the Park.”
“I live there on Waverly.”
“I have a big meeting tomorrow. Maybe some other time.”
“Sorry to drop in.”
“Whiskey’s good.”
“So, you’re a playwright?”
“What’s it called?”
“It’s nice.”
“Let me think about it.”
“You sure about that?”
“She lost her purse.”
“Here. How about that?”
“He’s very interesting.”
“And you could have gotten so much more from me. That’s why you tracked me down. Like James Bond.”
“What’s it like?”
“I can see it’s very good.”
“Why don’t you stop?”
“This is $300, you know, for #4 over there.”
“Here’s $120 cash.”
“Does it matter?”
“You know, I don’t even have car fare.”
“Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.”
“I did. Did you do all the reading?”
“If strategy comes up, and it usually doesn’t at this point, what do you think they think is the strength of this product?”
“Thank you. What were you saying?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Six months means never. They’re letting us die.”
“They don’t need an excuse. It’s because we’re desperate. They can smell it on us. We reek of it like some sweaty salesman knocking on his last doors.”
“Well, if you figure it out. You know where to find me. For a little while anyway.”
“No. You want one?”
“So they used us, it that supposed to make me feel better?”
“What do you want?”
“We’re all being punished.”
“Pete, I’m doing everything I can. Get me in a room.”
“Come in.”
“For what?”
“I don’t care.”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“Peggy, it’s not your problem.”
“We can’t start over, we just started.”
“To what? That they’re saying about is true.”
“Sure there is. We’re gonna sit at our desks and keep typing while the walls fall down around us because we’re creative. The least important most important thing there is.”
“Why I’m quitting tobacco. Recently, my ad agency ended a long relationship with Lucky Strike Cigarettes and I’m relieved. For over 25 years we devoted ourselves to peddling product for which good work is irrelevant because people can’t stop themselves from buying it. A product that never improves, causes illness, and makes people unhappy. But there was money in it. A lot of money. In fact, or entire business depended on it. We knew it wasn’t good for us, but couldn’t stop. And then, when Lucky Strike moved their business elsewhere I realized, here was my chance to be someone who could sleep at night because I know what I’m selling doesn’t kill my customers. So, as of today, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce will no longer take tobacco accounts. We know it’s going to be hard. If you’re interested in cigarette work, here’s a list of agencies that do it well: BBDO, Leo Burnett, McCann Erikson, Cutler Gleason and Chaough, and Benton & Bowles. As for us, we welcome all other business because we’re certain our best work is still ahead of us. Sincerely Donald F Draper, Creative Director, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. ”
“Good morning. Any calls?”
“Anyone else?”
“Can you get Dr. Miller?”
“Because someone had to do something.”
“Why? To evaluate it’s strengths and weaknesses? To knock it down to risk versus reward? It’s done. And I slept last night. For the first time in a month.”
“I’m not gonna explain to you what I did. It’s an ad for this agency. If you don’t understand it, then you shouldn’t be in this business.”
“So deny it. I did what I thought was best for the company. You can either back me or not.”
“So, no one is happy about this?”
“I’m well, thank you, Senator.”
“That’s very flattering.”
“Yes, yes we do.”
“Who the hell is this?”
“Little mix up there, that was Eunice Kennedy.”
“And then it killed my business.”
“You know this could work.”
“Did you get Dr Miller?”
“OK, that’ll be all.”
“Megan, that’s not really what it’s about.”
“Thank you.”
“Who can you live without?”
“Lane sent over a memo with suggestions. All of the tobacco people, Mark Coyle, Wosni.. the Polish kid, Danny, and Bill.”
“No, of course not. I jsut wanted to give you notice, so when they come to you, you’ll know what’s going on.”
“So, you haven’t said anything about the letter.”
“Well, they all want to kill me, but I have a bodyguard.”
“What’s this?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about that.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“La Caravel, 8:00?”
“I saw that. It’s a joke.”
“Well, that’s interesting, right?”
“Someone called us. We could have new work on the air.”
“It was my pleasure.”

I think you should follow me on Twitter.

Episode 13
“Will you at least put me out of my misery before you go?”
“I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.”
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“And then what happens?”
“I’m gonna miss you, you know?”
“Well, most of it was in the letter, hopefully, but I think in my heart it was an impulse because I knew what I needed to do to move forward.”
“I’m a smoker, too. And you can forget about us. I’ve worked $10 million campaigns that can’t even get people to change brands. I can tell you from the inside that business is really only about getting new smokers. ”
“Not to tobacco companies. They play on a two pronged attack promising adult hood and rebellion. But. Teenagers are sentimental as well. Have you heard their music? I could tell you a little about what I have in mind.”
“What I’m suggesting is a series of commercials that run during Bandstand and the like. Show mothers and daughters or fathers and sons and and that cigarettes are between them. And you show a walk on the beach, baking cookies, playing catch, that the parents are not long for this world.”
“They won’t be thinking about their parents, they’ll be thinking about their parents, that’s what they do. The truth is their morning their childhood more than their anticipating their future. Because they don’t know it yet, but they don’t want to die. If it helps, I can guarantee Lucky Strike will hate this.”
“Megan, can get Mr. Cosgrove? We got a meeting for another meeting.”
“Ken, sit down.”
“Well, I just looked him in the eye and convinced him I was some kind of idealistic business man. How’s it gonna look if I call for a meeting.”
“That’s awfully pessimistic.”
“I have a listing appointment with the realtor when I get back from California, but I have no idea what it’s worth.”
“What about the loss for what I put into the company.”
“So, Mary Sunshine. What’s the capital gains? 48%?”
“It’s always urgent.”
“What? What happened?”
“Well, can’t I just hire her back for the trip?”
“So what the hell do I do, Betty, with no help? I have meetings. Two flights. Diapers for Christ’s sake.”
“We’re going.”
“Any luck?”
“Does that sound like a vacation?”
“How much do you make a week?”
“What if I were to double that, and I’ll give you some nights free. And you’ll get to go to California. Swimming pools, movies stars.”
“You’ll be great. Sally loved you and Bobby likes a pretty face and the baby, he’s tough, but he’s fun.”
“Perfect. Call her up, pick a night. I’ll foot the bill. What do you have to lose?”
“Come on, let’s go to the room first. Let’s go or we’ll go to the parking lot and spend the week locked in the car.”
“That was great.”
“Well, let’s not wake him up.”
“I need you to come over at 7 tomorrow to watch Gene. I’ll get these two breakfast on the road.”
“You said you didn’t have any experience and you’re like Maria Von Trapp.”
“Pick me up and move me to my bed.”
“Stephanie, this is Sally and Bobby.”
“They love it.”
“Well, that’s me. That’s my nickname sometimes.”
“Go out back and get us some lemons.”
“Is this it?”
“Four boxes. Good for her.”
“Don’t you want it?”
“So, you going back to school?”
“What are you gonna do?”
“Most of it was fun.”
“I’m not wearing my bathing suit.”
“I’m really beat.”
“Hey. Can I throw some herring to you two?”
“Dumbo. Mad Tea Party.”
“He can stay with Megan while we go on the ride.”
“No, I think we’re OK.”
“Goodnight, have fun.”
“Am I bothering you?”
“I heard you come in and I, uh, I wanted to go over the plan for tomorrow for Disneyland.”
“I can’t turn on the TV, they’re asleep.”
“Did you have fun with your friend?”
“So why did you see her?”
“I love your teeth.”
“I’ve been thinking about you so much.”
“Were you thinking about this when I asked you to come?”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“We all try. We don’t always make it. I’ve done a lot of things.”
“I should get back before the sun comes up. The little roosters.”
“I want to know if I can knock on this door tomorrow night, or if this is just what it is like that night at the office. I need to know, I don’t know why.”
“Disneyland Fireworks are at 9. How about dinner, tomorrow night at 11, right here?”
“I don’t know if that’s true.”
“I wanted to let you sleep.”
“A few hours.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I just kept thinking about you.”
“I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like myself when I’m with you, but the way I always wanted to feel, because I’m in love with you, Megan, and I think I have been for a while.”
“Open it.”
“When I saw you sleeping there, I thought, I couldn’t imagine you not sleeping there every morning. Will you marry me?”
“Did you ever thing of the number things that had to happen for me to get to know you? But every thing happened and it got me here. What does that mean?”
“It’s been in my family. Not my family really. It belonged to someone very important to me.”
“I saw it on the bill.”
“No. Call her.”
“We tell everybody.”
“You want me to leave you alone? You want me to talk to her?”
“Wonderful. Joan, could you shut the door. I have an announcement and it shouldn’t change anything here, except for me and maybe for Joan. Miss Calvet and I are getting married.”
“Yeah, I know it’s a surprise, but, uh, she makes me very happy, and well, it’s something we both want very much.”
“How’d you do that?”
“That’s great news. We broke the streak. What a great day. Good work, both of you.”
“It’s been going on a while, but I appreciate you concern.”
“You know she reminds me of you. She’s got the same spark. I know she admires you just as much as I do.”
“Hi, it’s me.”
“I need to talk to you.”
“No. You shouldn’t do that. Why don’t we meet somewhere.”
“Something happened and I’d like to talk to you about it face to face. Meet me for coffee.”
“Well…I…Met somebody, and we’re engaged.”
“No. I know, it’s a surprise. It was for me, too.”
“What’s the difference? I fell in love. I didn’t mean for this to happen. You’ve been very important to me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“It’s fine. It’s done.”
“Mrs. Truckston?”
“It’s Tuesday at 7. I thought I told you I had a listing appointment with the real estate agent.”
“So they weren’t that thorough?”
“I do. It’s got a lot of character.”
“I do.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“So, you’ll move again.”
“I have to tell you something. I met someone. I’m engaged.”
“No. Someone at work.”
“It’s OK, Betty.”
“So, I will see you the weekend after next. Is that the 23rd?”
“Thank you.”

Everything Don Draper Said Season 4

5 thoughts on “Everything Don Draper Said Season 4

  1. craptastic says says:

    This is awesome. and yes I love mad men. don has some classic lines. too all of the haters, ‘what else is the internet for?’


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