Tom Haverford was riffing about food on Parks and Recreation and I had to transcribe it. If I knew how to use the computer, I’d just put up the clip on Youtube, but this is how I do it.

“‘Serts are what I call desserts. ‘Tretres are entrees. I call sandwiches, sannies, samdoozles, Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are Cool Blasterz with a z, I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes, big ol’ cookies. I call noodles long ass rice. Fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. Chicken Cacciatore is chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks food rakes.”