Everything Don Draper Said Season 2

Mad Men Season 2
As mentioned last week, Everything Don Draper Said (Season 1) follows up on Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3. This season is only around 7500 words (as opposed to Season 1’s 10K words), but you’re still gonna lose a morning if you try to read it all at once. Stay tuned, more coming soon from your favorite television characters. In any case, this fall is going to feature some fun Everything They Said projects… Without further adieu.

Episode 1
“Yeah, I eat a lot of apples.”
“What’s the number?”
“Dead, both.”
“My dad was 41, 42, he died in an accident. My mother died in childbirth. She was 22, I think.”
“Everything? Depends on the day.”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you feel?”
“Nope, no, I’ve been good.”
“How is it?”
“Makes you feel better about sitting in a bar at lunch. Makes you feel like you’re getting something done.”
“Is it good?”
“Any calls?”
“Of course.”
“What do we have?”
“I can almost picture it.”
“So it’s about an airline that’s flown by Indians. Maybe a plane with some arrows stuck in the cargo door? That’s funny. That’s what gets people attention now, right? There has to be advertising for people who don’t have a sense of humor.”
“What else you got?”
“Stop writing for other writers.”
“What’s outside that window?”
“I get on a plane, I don’t care where I’m going, I just want to see the city disappearing behind me.”
“That Indian, that’s not about the majestic beauty of the Mohawk nation. It’s about adventure. Could be a pirate. Could be a knight in shining armor. Could be a conquistador getting off a boat. It’s about a fantastical people who are taking you someplace you’ve never been. Blah, blah, blah, blah.”
“You want to get on a plane to feel alive. You want to get on a place to see just the hint of a woman’s thigh because her skirt is just this much too short.”
“So I guess I’m helping both of us.”
“For what purpose?”
“Well, young campaigns don’t necessarily come from young people.”
“So what am I supposed to do, dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?”
“This sounds like accounts to me.”
“You want younger people than that?”
“Tell Duck, clients don’t understand. Their success is related to standing out, not fitting in. It’s a fad. Paint them a picture, uh, something like one wants to be the needle in the haystack, not a haystack.”
“You’re talking as if they’re some fresh version of us. They’re not. Young people don’t know anything, especially that they’re young.”
“I know.”
“Don’t worry, we will be out of here before the singer starts.”
“I don’t think we have, Bets, Don Draper.”
“I do.”
“I don’t think it’s permanent.”
“She’s a party girl, Bets.”
“How stupid do you think I am?”
“How does room service sound?”
“Hold on.”
“Hello, yes, this is Mr. Draper in room 804. Yes, can you send up some vishiswas and a BLT on white toast…”
“Scratch that, 2 shrimp cocktails.”
“So, I have a lot of thoughts. How old are you?”
“Right, you’re experienced, I got it. Are you married?”
“So, again, you both did everything together and yet you get paid more?”
“But, you contribute words?”
“I’m gonna ask you a question that was always asked of me when I was on job interviews.”
“Have you ever been fired?”
“Book’s good. By the way it has Julian Koenig’s fingerprints all over it.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith.”
“That must happen all the time. You two share an office?”
“Of course not.”
“Good. So now that I’ve given you your babies and Xerox machine, should I throw in a couple of elephants? I don’t want there to be any excuses when you can’t bring in Martinson’s Coffee.”
“Send them in.”
“Where are we?”
“Are you gonna underline the ‘you’? For half the people it will be ‘where are you going’?”
“Where the hell is Dale?”
“I don’t know, sure, it’s fine. It’s obvious, I’m uninvolved.”
“What about that?”
“No, she’s right. Just because it has sentiment doesn’t make it sentimental. We’re talking about businessmen.”
“Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. And they take all this monkey crap and just stick it in a briefcase completely aware that their success depends on something more than their shoeshine. You are the product. You feeling something. That’s what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can’t do what we do. And they hate us for it.”
“Is that a question?”
“You can put that in your book.”
“Take your hat off.”
“Hey, Carla. Hey, BD.”
“I am tired. Where’s Mrs. Draper.”
“Want a ride to the station?”
“Here, give it to me.”
“I’m here, too.”
“Hi. Bobby conked out, where were you?”
“Well, I was here.”
“I did.”
“Come on, show me what you learned in ballet.”
“”Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again. And interesting and modern. The country is gray and brown and white and trees. Snows and skies of laughter always diminishing. Less funny, not just darker, not just gray. It may be the coldest day of the year, what does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again.””

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Episode 2
“Traffic makes the parade look bigger.”
“Colonel Glenn.”
“I think he’s a winner. Square jaw, false modesty, it looks like he just took off his letterman jacket.”
“Turn it off. Pull all Mohawk ROP and anything in production, stop it.”
“We don’t want people opening up their morning paper and seeing a Mohawk ad next to a picture of a floating engine. The rest of you, stop crying, and figure out how we’re going to hit the ground running in 3 weeks with new work.”
“What’s going on?”
“Oh. God, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“What people do. Go home.”
“I don’t know. I suppose.”
“You just had a shock. I wouldn’t worry about what you’re feeling. Go home and be with your family.”
“Because that’s what people do.”
“You should go home.”
“I’ll cancel it. It’s not hurting anything.”
“There’s life and there’s work.”
“I spoke with Hank LaMotte over at Mohawk.”
“He says they can weather it out. I always get the feeling that man opens his front door and money comes in.”
“He picked up the phone? What’s going on over there?”
“What does that mean?”
“What’s it been four, three hours since the plane went down? You’ll have to forgive me for not looking at a bunch of bodies in Jamaica Bay and not seeing the opportunity.”
“We already have an airline.”
“Oh, that’s right, we have the one whose planes didn’t just fall out of the sky.”
“Am I missing something? Did you sign American during this phone call?”
“Oh a foothold, well, I’d do anything for a foothold.”
“We have a good client who trusts us, who likes our work, who pays their bills on time. They don’t deserve to be thrown out the door for a wink from American.”
“Anything else?”
“What is this?”
“Oh, Bets, didn’t we just do that?”
“I’m gonna lie down for a minute.”
“Muddled, that means smash it.”
“Go take mommy and Francine’s orders. Bobby, that is your last one. Alright, come on, go, watch TV.”
“That’s true.”
“I don’t think we know her.”
“I’m enjoying this story so far, but I have a feeling it’s not going to end well.”
“What do you wanna hear?”
“OK, you don’t smash the cherry on that. Just plop it in at the end. Try to keep it at the top of the glass. Gin.”
“No more Cedars.”
“Everything’s great. Go back to bed.”
“Come on. Do what your mother says.”
“Said they saw a ghost. He was scared.”
“It really looked like him.”
“My whole art department is run on tracing paper, why reinvent the wheel?”
“Carlton’s put on a few.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“OK. Maybe he is.”
“Look, Bets, I’m not gonna fight. I’ll say whatever you think I should say, but I’m not gonna fight with you.”
“Can you come in here with the papers I asked for?”
“Why would I do that?”
“And that gets us a pitch?”
“He has nothing. And this is more of it. It’s desperate.”
“We have an airline. What kind of company are we gonna be?”
“I can’t believe I look like an idiot for wanting to be loyal to these people.”
“What do you want, Campbell?”
“It’s not a good time.”
“Henry. Sit down, can I get you anything?”
“Sterling Cooper has decided to end it’s relationship with Mohawk Airlines.”
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my decision.”
“I wish things hadn’t worked out this way.”

Episode 3
“Why don’t you get your room? We have a whole storeroom full of Luckies.”
“How bad was it?”
“Did you laugh in front of the Schillings?”
“Has anyone tried to save this yet, besides Leopold and Loeb over here?”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll feel real bad about it tonight and give her a call.”
“Jimmy Barrett is a known quantity.”
“Fix what exactly?”
“Come on, Cosgrove should have told me they were here, I would have never let her near the set.”
“I’m going to talk to the Schilling, then I’m gonna explain the facts of life to Jimmy.”
“At the printers.”
“Lois. Close the door. Sit down. No. Stand. I’d like to find a way not to be cruel, but I don’t think it’d be serving either one of us.”
“It’s nice to see that you care about something. Are you trying to think of what you could possibly say to make up for what’s happened here?”
“I think you’re not suited for this job.”
“In addition to being incompetent, you threaten my reputation and not just today.”
“You do not cover for me, you manage people’s expectations.”
“You really want that?”
“You’re not suited for this job, it’s not an insult, it’s just the way it is.”
“Stick to the switchboard, please tell Ms. Holloway on the way out.”
“Ms. Holloway, good morning.”
“Did she leave everything in a condition you could follow?”
“What can I tell?”
“No, I want someone who will be happy with that job.”
“Sure. Is Jimmy Barrett shooting today?”
“What time do they start?
“Wake me at 3:30.”
“Not if everything’s running smoothly.”
“I think there’s been plenty of drinking here.”
“Jimmy around?”
“Isn’t that our tuxedo?”
“Great, so let’s go talk to him.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, in the pitch, you were introduced as his wife.”
“Wife, manager, someone should have kept a lid on him yesterday.”
“Mrs. Barrett…”
“He can come in here with vomit in his pockets for all I care, but these people are his benefactors. Like the Medicis of Florence, they’re patrons of his art.”
“I want you to imagine something that Jimmy obviously can’t. The Schillings were very excited to see their favorite comedian.”
“No one was laughing.”
“You are aware that all of this can go away. No more free tuxedos.”
“Tell Jimmy I need to talk to him.”
“Well, he has been. So what do you suggest I do.”
“Wife. So whose going to have a talk with him, you or me?”
“Let me drive you over.”
“It’s raining.”
“I don’t want to do this.”
“Hey, you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Ask me what?”
“You can ride me around the den.”
“Ah, Bets, thank you.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“Hello, it’s Don Draper, can you talk?”
“How are you?”
“No, I wanted to invite both of you to dinner, Monday night.”
“I was thinking Lutece. It will be formal. Can you get him there?”
“My wife, the Schillings, you.”
“What do you want?”
“In my home. With my children.”
“Hey! How was it?”
“Come in here.”
“I don’t care.”
“Listen, how do you feel about Lutece, Monday night.”
“And you get to meet Jimmy Barrett.”
“Business. Hunt Schilling from Utz Potato Chips and wives.”
“You need to charm him, I need you to be shiny and bright. I need a better half.”
“You have plans?”
“Birdie, we’ll go there alone another time.”
“Controversy means viewers. Women will find a way to watch this. Maybe just because they don’t want to get left out.”
“It’s catharsis. That’s hard to come by. What is better than tears to make a girl ready to hear she can be beautiful.”
“Well, there are limits out of what you can get out of daytime.”
“Well, we thought you should know about it.”
“We all work for someone.”
“Edith, please, he wants to apologize.”
“This is my wife, Betty. Betty, this is Bobbie and Jimmy Barrett.”
“Nice to see you again, Jimmy. You remember Hunt and Edith Schilling?”
“I’m sorry, can you excuse me a moment.”
“Do I? I’m not feeling great.”
“I’m gonna be brief because I don’t like leaving him alone out there.”
“They’re being polite. The window for this apology is closing. It needs to happen before the appetizers or they will leave.”
“So what is this all about?”
“Believe me. I will ruin him. Do what I say.”
“Don’t get up.”
“Excuse me.”
“Bets, you alright?”
“What’s wrong?”

Episode 4
“I don’t know. I had an amazing dream.”
“Get out, we’re sleeping.”
“Thank you, Jeeves.”
“He makes everything sound like Christmas.”
“I thought we weren’t doing anything today?”
“I hate to think about your reputation in high school.”
“Feet, I thought those were water-skis.”
“Go, go, go, go.”
“No, of course, send her in.”
“Mrs. Barrett, to what do I owe the pleasure.”
“Not sure how they do it in show business, but around here we have this nifty gadget called and appointment book.”
“What did Jimmy do now, ask Eleanor Roosevelt how fast her husband ran the 100 yard dash?”
“Let me call for some ice.”
“What is it?”
“It’s derivative, with a twist. That’s what they’re looking for.”
“That’s cute.”
“ABC’s sick about losing Candid Camera, but you’d have to get Jimmy out of his contract with Utz.”
“Show needs a national sponsor, Utz won’t do you any good.”
“They don’t care. But they could be told that their spots would have more punch wherever they air if Jimmy’s on a hit television show.”
“I’m not interested in doing that.”
“But I can’t talk to the Schillings.”
“What’s this?”
“Bobbie, I have work.”
“You need to shave.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t.”
“Where is he?”
“Mommy says you broke the HiFi, I believe her. Don’t do that again.”
“He knows he did something wrong.”
“That’s not the way it works.”
“Can I get something to eat?”
“I’ll do it.”
“Draper residence.”
“It’s Sunday morning, where else would I would be?”
“That was Duck Phillips on the phone, American Airlines moved up their presentation.”
“So I have to go in.”
“Send Sally to Francine’s.”
“Betty had her hands full today. Sally, be good for Ms Holloway. Keep her away from the paper cutter.”
“I’m not ready to do that yet.”
“Creative. In my office.”
“I don’t care if we’re just selling a point of view. But we have to commit to one thing. They don’t like wiggle room. They like to see us blowing up bridges behind us.”
“Where’s that list Duck’s buddy Shell gave us of all the things that make American different.”
“It equates what should be a glamorous job with being a waitress in a tin can. Where’s the bar of soap, the ticket sleeves, whose doing the in-flight menu.”
“This is in French, how do I know it’s right?”
“Make up a chef.”
“Peggy, did you pick out a china pattern yet? Did you find the one from the Queen Mary?
“I don’t know.”
“We got a lot of bricks, but I don’t know what the building looks like.”
“Come on, up, up.”
“Goodnight, ladies. Thanks for babysitting.”
“It’s over.”
“And we have to deliver a stillborn baby.”
“Here. You should have this.”
“We hired him to bring in new business, not lose old business.”
“It’s Good Friday.”
“It didn’t.”
“No. How was your day?”
“Is that what you wanted?”
“I pay the bills, the clothes on your back, the damn stables.”
“What about Carla, doesn’t she count?”
“You want me to bring home what I got at the office today? I’ll put you though that window.”
“Bobby, it’s not a good time.”
“It’s OK. Dad’s get mad sometimes.”
“He did.”
“Like me, but bigger.”
“Ham. And this candy, that tasted violets. Had a beautiful purple and silver package.”
“I told you, he was a farmer.”
“A long time ago.”
“Come here.”
“What do you wanna here?”
“Bets, you do whatever you want.”
“He’s a little kid. My father beat the hell out of me. All it did was make me fantasize about the day I could murder him.”
“And I wasn’t half as good as Bobby.”

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Episode 5
“Well, there’s your answer.”
“Ms Holloway, those aren’t wedding bells.”
“Thank you.”
“How are you?”
“I’m in my office, where you called me. You sound a little tipsy.”
“Congratulations, you got an order?”
“And why would I come?”
“I’m working.”
“No. Let’s not confuse this.”
“Was there even a party?”
“Maybe he doesn’t understand how big this is.”
“Ms. Mencken.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Mrs. Barrett’s husband is a comedian who works with me.”
“So how are things at Gray? They still taking credit for everything we did?”
“Should we go elsewhere?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Steak tartar.”
“Hearts of palm salad, steak tartar.”
“I think you’re wrong about that.”
“You really do his business, don’t you?”
“Negotiating is a bore.”
“What do you mean?”
“The answer is huge.”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
“I do.”
“La Note.”
“I don’t feel a thing.”
“May I?”
“I have $63 and some subway tokens. I’ll mail you the rest.”
“Let me call a cab and I’ll send an employee out here with the $500 tomorrow morning.”
“What is the problem?”
“Bobbie, stay up.”
“What do you think?”
“You can drop me off at Grand Central.”
“Peggy, do you have a roommate?”
“Idlewild is better. The Cross Island or the Belt Parkway.”
“Leave her alone. No one in the office can know about this. It’s business.”
“I was in an accident.”
“By the time I could call, I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I went to the doctor a while ago and I have high blood pressure.”
“It’s fine, except he gave me a prescription. And I think the pills mixed with the drinks was too much. I lost control of the car.”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
“What did you want me to do? Have you come down there? Ask Francine in the middle of the night to watch your kids because your husband is in the drunk tank?”
“I was solving a problem, Bets, I need a clear head, you can’t get all hysterical. I didn’t know you were waiting up.”
“I have to get changed and go in.”
“I don’t want anyone to know about this. I rented a car. I’ll have to get my car.”
“I’ll swing by Dr. McGladdery on the way in. Just help me get dressed. OK?”
“I’m not paying attention anymore until they’re here a month.”
“I missed the bottom step. It’s an old house.”
“Is he upset about something?”
“I want you to put him off a few days, let him cool. He’ll make more sense.”
“I’ll handle it.”
“Get the door.”
“Is everything OK?”
“Is she awake?”
“Put her on.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. Jimmy called. He wants to meet with me.”
“So you don’t know anything about this?”
“I do, are you OK?”
“It’s going to be better.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You got a promotion and disappeared. Your Christmas present is sitting on your desk. I called your head and your roommate gave me your mother’s number.”
“Your mother told me you were quarantined. TB. I guess that was supposed to lessen my concern.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What do they want you to do?
“Yes you do. Do it. Do whatever they say. Peggy, listen to me. Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.”
“I did my work.”
“I don’t know, Ms. Olson, do you need some help?”
“Yes, you will.”
“Don’t let it happen again.”
“Oh. Right.”
“Here. I’ll give you $50 tomorrow. I guess when you try to forget something, you have to forget everything.”
“Jimmy. Mrs Barrett, you look good.”
“Old football injury.”
“Have a seat.”
“My pleasure.”
“Well, why would I do that?”
“You didn’t have to come all the way in here to say that. I know that.”
“I made it.”
“Where’s the salt? What, Bets, no salt?”

Episode 6
“You asking me if I’ve seen this before? They’ve been running it for 10 years.”
“They shouldn’t be. Maidenform is a dream, but Playtex is a bra.”
“Why now? Sales are strong.”
“I like a happy client, although you’d think someone would be able to talk them out of jumping onto a bandwagon as solid as this.”
“Why because their share of the market keeps increasing?”
“Thank you for that. Just for fun, let’s say we’re looking for new and by new, I mean old Maidenform. Peggy, you dig around Playtex’s unique benefits.”
“Tell them you couldn’t get a hold of me.”
“Good. How are you, Crab?”
“I don’t mind watching.”
“I hadn’t heard about that. I guess you PR men have the best PR.”
“Yeah, what happened over there?”
“You handled that, huh?”
“Everybody’s happy.”
“I have to go.”
“People will be working. I should stop by.”
“Call me from the emergency room.”
“Room 301. Oh, you’re there. Good.”
“Your son?”
“Los Angeles. That’s far away.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’ll call you.”
“Is that why you’re here? Concerned for my wellbeing? Here’s your cigarette. Be on your way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I have.”
“Where are we?”
“We? Are you on Playtex?”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Well put.”
“That is an idea. And an impressive presentation.”
“Irene Dunn.”
“Peggy, you’re gonna have company on this. Congratulations, Kinsey, you forced your way onto an account.”
“Whose the new account man?”
“We’re laying track I think you can bring the train in tomorrow.”
“Two sides of one woman. Jackie by day, Marilyn by night. Maybe it’s two girls.”
“She’s in charge.”
“Thought you all were listening, let’s go.”
“No. It’s just I wasn’t really planning on coming back after lunch. Any way we can have this conversation now?”
“That’s quite a playing field you have there.”
“I thought maybe your secretary was better than mine.”
“18 months in? We can’t be that unusual.”
“You’ve been pitching more to me than you have to clients.”
“It means, you been selling their ideas to me, more than mine to them.”
“So, what, you’re covering for me? Who am I in this story?”
“What do you want me to say? That we’re on the same team? That I love being in your unit? Sarge, I’m scared?”
“Yes. Of course we can. And I will tell Roger we had lunch.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“A little after 4.”
“Daughter? Is that everyone?”
“How much preparation do you need?”
“I took the afternoon off.”
“You can go.”
“I would never leave you alone in my place.”
“What’s that?”
“No, that.”
“Can I speak to you a minute?”
“Where you going in that?”
“You asked me if I liked it, I don’t.”
“I’m talking about a 15 year old lifeguard. I’m talking about a bunch of tennis pros. Not to mention all those loafing millionaires taking the summer off. You want to be ogled?”
“It’s desperate.”
“I have to go. See you tonight.”
“Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe. Women have feelings about these women because men do. Because we want both, they want to be both. It’s about how they want to be seen by us, their husbands, they boyfriends, their friend’s husbands. Here’s the idea, very simply. The bra is called ‘the Harlequin’. In fit and form, it should be your very best. It comes in black. And white. Jackie. Marilyn. Same incredible fit, two different women. And the beauty of it is, it’s the same woman. Same model.”
“And even if you don’t notice it, you still get a bit of an a ha when you read the copy. ‘Nothing fits both sides of a woman better than Playtex.”
“So will your customers, it’s a very flattering mirror.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“It’s yours. We’ll keep it on file for you.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not your fault.”
“I think we bought a couple years of security. If they ever decide to go that way, they know we can do it.”
“Stop talking.”
“Do I?”
“You’re spoiling the mood.”
“Are you talking about me?”
“Well who was?”
“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Does it make you feel better to think that I’m like you?
“I told you to stop talking.”
“Hey, you.”
“You know what, Sally? I think you better leave me alone.”

Episode 7
“Something like that.”
“I had a Dodge.”
“Is that right?”
“Don’t you want to hold onto these?”
“This is the 1950 model. It’s quite different under the hood.”
“Charlie, this car is two years old with only 25 thousand miles on it. It’s what you want. This must be Mrs. Wheatley. Why don’t you sit in it again. You two talk. Can I help you, ma’am.”
“Yes I am. If it’s about my circular, many of the models are gone, but, uh, I’m sure we could find you something.”
“Excuse me?”
“No. Thank you.”
“Did she leave a message?”
“I don’t think she cries at night from lack of attention.”
“Send him in.”
“They changed it.”
“It’s hard for them to do a lot of new work.”
‘We’ll find out.”
“Just a minute.”
“I don’t know. If I fill you full of anymore confidence, you’ll burst.”
“Leave her alone. Let’s go.”
“That’s a beautiful sentiment. Does your friend know what you do for a living?”
“Students for a Democratic Society? That’s a hell of a focus group.”
“It’s idealistic, that’s nice.”
“You just want to be selling Martinson’s Coffee?”
“Young people do not drink coffee and that can become a lifetime habit. Now, we’re aware that unsuccessful attempts have been made, puppets and so forth, to capture the attention of youth.”
“But there’s an old saying. When one is in Indian country, one needs a man who knows Indians. Mr. Smith.”
“It’s definitely more than a jingle.”
“If you sign, we’ll tell you.”
“You want me to send for something for you?”
“We’ll be right there.”
“Thanks again.”
“Thank you. I didn’t do it alone.”
“That’s nice. What is it?”
“Do they need a campaign?”
“If you say so.”
“I will.”
“A little.”
“Wayne, I would like to buy this car.”
“You like it?”
“Slide over.”
“That is a headlight sensor. It automatically dims the lights as you approach another car.”
“It was expensive.”
“I do.”
“Anytime you want.”
“He called here? He should have gone through my secretary.”
“Not in here.”
“Is Bobby in the car again?”
“So I don’t understand. You’d rather play checkers than my look at the clouds game?”
“I don’t want it jammed between my seats.”
“We should only do this.”
“Go behind the tree there, no one’s looking.”
“I think everybody should go before we get in the car.”
“You kids are lucky. When I was a little boy, back on the farm, we had an outhouse way out in the yard. And the nights when there was no moon, there was this rope and you had to feel for it in the dark and pull yourself across.”
“We should probably get going if we don’t want to hit traffic.”
“Check their hands.”
“Believe me, they’re saying that about you.”
“I do.”
“Very little.”
“Hello, Mrs. Barrett.”
“Not yet. Why don’t I get us some drinks.”
“I’ll do it.”
“Of course, Jimmy will need a Rolex, I suppose.”
“Betty’s not feeling well.”
“I don’t know if that’s possible, Jimmy.”
“I’ll tell everyone I know.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t know what you think happened.”

Episode 8
“When did you get up?”
“Is it still Saturday?”
“I thought you were gonna call an electrician?”
“Sounds like you could do it.”
“OK. OK. Bets, come here. Look, you’ve got a week before this party and it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Carla will help you.”
“Birdy, I’ll fix it.”
“At the fact that you don’t use their product?”
“So what’s the problem?”
“Did you explain to them that there’s a market that’s actually excited about Heineken being imported? For women entertaining in the home, Holland is Paris. They can buy this sophisticated beer and proudly walk it into the kitchen instead of hiding it in the garage.”
“OK. We’ll go up and down the Hudson, northern New Jersey, Connecticut, the cash belt. Set up a few end aisle displays at the A&Ps, away from the other beer, surrounded by cheese and crackers and toothpicks with cellophane tips.”
“Oh, I’d worry more disappointing Roger, he seemed to think it was more important that we sit down with Crab Colson and believe me I’m sure my wife would rather go see a movie.”
“Crab, can I get you another one of those?”
“Hello, Duck.”
“This is Bobby. Bobby, shake Mr. Phillips’ hand.”
“Nobody cares.”
“Of course this is Petra and Crab Colson.”
“Can I get you something?”
“Did you take the Saw Mill?”
“I’m not even allowed to pick where I sit.”
“Goodnight, Carla.”
“What are you talking about?
“What did I do?”
“So what?”
“Bets, I use our life all the time in my work. They pay me for that.”
“Come on. You’re taking this the wrong way.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
“No one is going to remember that. You know what they’re going to remember? Petra Colson missing her chair. Come on, leave this. You’re tired, let’s go upstairs.”
“Betty, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
“Betty, that’s ridiculous.”
“Fine, Bets, what do you know? Go ahead. Tell me.”
“Jimmy. He hates me.”
“Oh, please. What the hell did he say?”
“I’m not gonna dignify Jimmy Barrett with a response, he’s a big mouth. And don’t pretend I don’t know how he looks at you.”
“You think I would sleep with that woman?”
“There’s nothing to admit.”
“I’m going to bed.”
“Did she?”
“OK. Bye bye.”
“Phil, good to see you as always.”
“We targeted a few wealthy suburban markets with woman friendly end aisle displays.”
“The sample was very small, but what we put out, sold well. More important was who it sold to. This is an untapped market, where you dictate the competition.”
“No, but it’s what I’ve been pushing for.”
“Why would I lie? Where the ones who are gonna have to deliver.”
“Where are the kids?”
“What happened here?”
“Would you stop? How much have you had to drink?”
“What are you doing, Bets?”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“What time is it?”
“Me either.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Yes I do.”
“Yes I do. You know I do. I say it all the time.”
“Oh, God, no. I love you, Bets. I do. And I love the children. I don’t want to lose all this.”
“I gotta take this.”

Episode 9
“I can’t say I’m surprised, the few things I know about her.”
“Suicide is disturbing.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“I already had some.”
“Do you need to go home?”
“Morning, fellas. Is this program already in progress?”
“Yes, tell me everything.”
“I am.”
“Why don’t you bore me with the details.”
“Kinsey, I want you to pull every intern and lackey. Switchboard, elevator men. Find out who wants to be a copywriter for the day. A dollar a head.”
“The people giving blood. This is for mankind, Kinsey.”
“Helping another human being. Also, there will be women fainting. I’d think you’d like that.”
“What an elegant surrender. And put up some more posters, I can’t believe I have to say that to you people.”
“We’d love to, but my kid is sick. You’ll know what that means soon enough.”
“What do we have today?”
“I assume to have it bleed into the cocktail hour.”
“What happened?”
“Mrs. Draper is working out some things.”
“I thought it would be over by now, I guess, and there’d be no need to…”
“It goes without saying that this is personal and I’d appreciate you keeping it that way.”
“I’d also avoid giving me concerned looks.”
“I don’t know you at all and this is personal and it’s not up for discussion.”
“I’m at the Roosevelt if there’s an emergency.”
“It’ll go by like that. Come here. It won’t be that long Salamander. Go.”
“Listen, she called my office.”
“You said you didn’t want me here and then you do.”
“Obviously that’s impossible. What do you want to do? I mean how long is this going to go on? We have to tell them something.”
“OK, how about, ‘I’m working on an account, they’re putting me up in Philadelphia, but I’ll be home every weekend.”
“Or I could just come home.”
“Bets, what do you want?”
“Listen, if you’re mind’s made up, I’m not gonna talk you into it.”
“And a bearclaw. What’s this?”
“Thank you. Submit your receipt.”
“You’re not a fainter, are you?”
“Oh. I’m usually part of the meeting before the meeting.”
“Really? How’d the presentation go?”
“Of Freddy Rumson?”
“Is that necessary?”
“But it didn’t.”
“Duck’s a teetotaler, he’s been gunning for Freddy since day one.”
“I don’t think it’s in my contract that Duck can fire someone in my department.”
“He’ll know what that means. I don’t want to throw him away.”
“I’ll make it.”
“What are you doing?”
“That’s none of your business. Freddy had a bad day. Can’t you find something else to do besides dining on the drama of other people’s lives like a bunch of teenage girls?”
“Sure, it’s just a man’s name, right?”
“Full salary. You dry out and come back. We’ll see where we are.”
“That’s impressive.”
“It’s the best thing, Freddy.”
“You know I’ll recommend you.”
“There’s a lot of great towns.”
“Tilden Katz.”
“You’re so good at this, why don’t you quit your job?”
“I think I’m glad I’m not that kid.”
“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Send off Freddy? I had to send off Freddy.”
“Roger. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Roger, will you stop?”
“I think that’s gonna do it for me.”
“I don’t know. Thank you, Fredy. It means a lot.”
“I don’t know, it sounded like you had a plan.”
“It’s not an ending. It’s a fresh start.”
“Where do you live, Freddy?”
“No matter what he says, take him there.”
“Goodnight, Freddy.”
“I’m the opposite.”
“It was a real Archibald Whitman maneuver.”
“This hothead drunk I used to know.”
“I’m at the Roosevelt.”
“I really don’t want to discuss it, Roger.”
“No, I don’t feel bad at all. I mean, sometimes. Mostly I’m just relieved.”
“That’d be easier. Then I’d know what to do.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. It’s your life. You don’t know how long it’s gonna be, but you know it’s got a bad ending. As soon as you can figure out what that is.”
“I mean, this can’t be it, right?”
“That’s true.”
“Close the door.”
“That was quite a presentation you gave. The Samsonite people are thrilled.”
“They’ve requested that you be reassigned as the copywriter on their account.”
“Freddy’s decided to take a few months off.”
“It doesn’t matter, you’ll be taking over all of his business.”
“You know I really don’t like walking into an ambush from Duck and Pete Campbell.”
“Even me.”
“What’s your point? Don’t feel bad about being good at your job.”
“That’s the way it happened. Congratulations.”
“Hello, Mona. Jane, it’s OK.”
“About what?”
“Mona, I didn’t say anything.”
“Mona, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I want her off my desk.”

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Episode 10
“Sounds like a hell of a stock portfolio.”
“As much as I’d like to indulge your Twilight Zone fantasy of being shot into space…”
“…This is a business trip, I don’t want either of you coming back tan.”
“As long as you lose. Crab Colson guarantees there will be some astronauts there.”
“You’re there to sell, but you’re also there to listen. Every scientist, engineer, and general is trying to figure out a way to put a man on the moon, or blow up Moscow, whichever one costs more. We have to explain to them how we can help them spend that money.”
“Campbell, you do the talking. Kinsey, you do the listening.”
“No. They are the customer. They want aerospace in their districts. Let them know that we can help them bring these contracts home. Did you read anything that she prepared? Maybe I should send her.”
“What time is it?”
“Is it bad?”
“I’m coming to get you.”
“Bets, it’s not up for discussion. Take the kids to Francine.”
“Fine, I’ll be by in the morning.”
“Everything’s gonna be OK.”
“I’ll be by at 8.”
“We can get a room down the road at the William Penn.”
“Sorry about your dad.”
“Good to see you, Gene.”
“With a neighbor.”
“I’m here. You want a drink?”
“All the time.”
“It’s OK.”
“Come on.”
“Birdie, you should eat.”
“You want me to lay everything out for you?”
“Morning everyone. Gene.”
“No, this will be fine. And coffee.”
“Hello, Viola.”
“I’m gonna make some calls.”
“Put these upstairs?”
“I’ll go get the kids.”
“I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Bets, you’re upset.”
“I think I should be here for you.”
“What do you want me to say? I want to be here. You need me here.”
“Hello, Donna.”
“Of course.”
“About how those things are. Joan, if you don’t mind, could I borrow you for a moment?
“Cancel everything.”
“No, clear the week.”
“Memorable, thank you.”
“I’m leaving for California tomorrow for the Rocket Fair.”
“Not yet.”
“She’s been doing it so far.”
“I’ll need you to send a memo to Mr. Kinsey explaining this change of plans.”
“I did.”
“What did Ricardo in there say?”
“And fill it with my things?”
“There’s not going to be any swimming.”
“You want to be the 100th person to shake someone’s hand at some convention, for what, a free pen?”
“Forget Santa Monica, take your list, target some of these guy and make them feel special. Didn’t Roger give you leads?”
“I’m gonna need some glasses.”
“You want to be on vacation, Pete? Cause I can make that happen.”
“Old fashioned.”
“I am.”
“Maybe another time.”
“Pete, this is Joy, and Rocky, and the Count Mon De Forte.”
“Handing out towels?”
“Whose for dinner?”
“Are all of our meetings like this?”
“Go see if General Dynamics beat us here. Drop these by the front desk. You don’t want them under your arm.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Who lives here?”
“I think I should go inside.”
“Where am I?”
“What are you doing?”
“No, it’s OK. I just need some water and some aspirin.”
“Who are these people?”
“What are you all doing here?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
“New York.”
“Or I’m a really good spy.”
“So I assume you’re all well off.”
“I played some football in high school.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m 36.”
“Who are you?”
“What are you reading?”
“So you’re in school?”
“Is it good?”
“That’s your father?”
“Will I?”
“Hello. Hello, there.”
“You can have it.”
“Hello, it’s Dick Whitman.”
“I’d love to see you. Soon.”
“No, I didn’t bring it with me.”
“See you soon.”

Episode 12
“Why would you bring that up?”
“It’s a simple misunderstanding, there’s a lot of men with my name.”
“Car title, apartment lease.”
“In a safe deposit box.”
“I don’t know what to say. There’s been a mistake.”
“I have to get back to work.”
“He died. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“He never said he had a wife.”
“I’m very, very sorry.”
“He was killed in combat.”
“They thought I was him and he was me. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone.”
“I just had to get out of there. What are you gonna do to me.”
“I didn’t know him long. Maybe. What’s your name?”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m making good money, if that’s… I know I owe you more than money. I have his purple heart and his dog-tags if you want them.”
“Dick Whitman.”
“I can come back.”
“I don’t play.”
“No. Business.”
“I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t mean to intrude. I can…”
“Can I take a shower and lie down?”
“These pants have a 38 inseam.”
“I would like to meet him.”
“It’s beautiful here.”
“You been in California too long.”
“Sally is 8, Bobby is 5.”
“I ruined everything. My family, my wife, my kids.”
“My brother came to find me. I told him to go away.”
“I’ve told you things I’ve never told Betty. Why does it have to be that way?”
“No. That would just confuse things.”
“I don’t know. I have been watching my life. It’s right there. And I keep scratching at it trying to get into it. I can’t.”
“There’s something else.”
“I met a girl.”
“She’s so beautiful and happy. She’s a model. And she’s from a good family and she’s educated.”
“Elizabeth. Betty. I want you to meet her.”
“I just like the way she laughs and the way she looks at me.”
“I want to ask her to marry me.”
“Well, I need you to give me a divorce.”
“You should hire a lawyer out here. I’ll pay for it. And I want you to know, I’m going to take care of you, forever.”
“I do.”
“This whole life, if it wasn’t for Don, if it wasn’t…”
“I guess so.”
“I want to.”
“You can be my cousin.”
“Thank you, Anna.”
“Is that a ’34 Sedan?”
“What’d you do to it?”
“2 Fords and a Buick.”
“What happened here?”
“No. But I remember these. I used to sell them, used.”
“How fast does it go?”
“The color on that one. I never seen anything like it.”
“You guys need any help? I’m looking for work.”
“I don’t know, don’t people…[problem with disc]”
“It’s an ink-blot, you see what you want to see.”
“Did you read it?”
“How about the cards? Should I be worried?”
“That can’t be good.”
“It’s the end of the world.”
“No, I don’t.”
“I can smell the ocean.”
“Whose she?”
“That’s a nice thought.”
“What does it mean?”
“What if that’s true?”
“People don’t change.”

Episode 13
“Half an hour. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“I had to have some time to think about things.”
“Bets, I’d do anything I could to undo what happened.”
“I was not respectful to you.”
“I can’t walk away from this. I want to be with you. I want to be together again.”
“I need to see the kids.”
“Hello, Joan. It’s good to be back. How are you?”
“Hello, Peggy.”
“Sunny. Do I work for you now?”
“So, other than her office and haircut, is there anything new I need to know about?”
“The world continues without us. There’s no reason to take it personally.”
“I’ll need the copywriters and Sal in here to get me up to speed. Call Roger in a half an hour and tell him I’ll meet him in a half an hour. And Mr. Phillips, maybe I’ll run into him in the men’s room.”
“Did she call?”
“I think that’s enough to start.”
“Trust me, I don’t think there’ll be a point in taking to the stairs or diving under a desk”
“Sorry I missed that.”
“But you did.”
“Did you ever think I left you there because I thought you could handle it? How did it go?”
“Then I was right, wasn’t I? You handled it. Good work. I know you want everything the minute you want it. Sometimes it’s better to wait until you’re ready.”
“Yes, you proved it. Now I have to play a little catchup ball.”
“You wanted to see me?”
“I’ll stack my absences up against yours any day.”
“It was important. And from what I can see, the walls are still standing.”
“So, how much?”
“Duck was in a bar?”
“Any conflicts?”
“No, with the deal, but, congratulations.”
“I guess so.”
“We don’t know what’s really going on. You know that.”
“I missed you, too.”
“There’s a roll away there for you, Bobby. And we can go to the movies or Chinese food.”
“You want to join us?”
“Do you want to pick them up in my office tomorrow?”
“It’s delicious. You’re crazy.”
“What’s wrong with root beer?”
“It’ll take 45 minutes, you know?”
“From the look of this, that may be all I have.”
“How do you know that?”
“Why would he do that?”
“…[problem with disc]”
“Dear Betty, I’m sitting in the Roosevelt looking at the backs of Bobby and Sally’s heads as they watch TV. I’m not letting them change the channel because watching the news makes me sick and they can see it. I think about you, and how I behaved and my regret. I know it’s my fault why are you not here right now. I understand why you feel it’s better to go on without me, and I know that you won’t be alone for very long. But, without you, I’ll be alone forever. I love you, Don.”
“What? I think it sounds like a great agency, and I think that Duck is the man to run it. I just don’t think I’ll be a part of it.”
“If this is the agency you want, Duck is the man for the job.”
“I don’t have a contract.”
“Gentlemen, I sell products, not advertising. I can’t see as far into the future as Duck, but if the world is still here on Monday, we can talk.”
“You should go home as well.”
“I don’t need it. Goodnight.”
“They finally went down.”

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Everything Don Draper Said Season 2

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