Everything Don Draper Said Season 1

Following up on Everything Tracy Jordan Said Seasons 1, 2, and 3, I figured I’d celebrate one of my other favorite shows by giving you Everything Don Draper Said Season 1 (Season 2 coming next week).

It’sDon Draper over 10K words of Dreamy Don’s dialogue, and unfortunately there’s a more conversational lines than with Tracy Jordan. I was thinking about going through this and bolding the lines worth reading, but that turns this into more of a subjective exercise than I’m interested in. I hope you’ll call out your favorites in the comments, though, if you ever get to the end. I suggest you bookmark and come back, or print out and read on the commute. True Mad Men fans have just lost a morning of work. Enjoy!

Episode 1
“Yeah, hey, do you have a light? Old Gold man, huh?”
“Can I ask you a question? Why do you smoke Old Gold?”
“No, we’re actually just having a conversation, is that OK? Yeah. Do this again. Old Fashioned, please.”
“So you obviously need to relax after working here all night?”
“But what is it? I mean, low tar? Those new filters? Why don’t… why Old Gold?”
“So you’re used to them, is that it?”
“I could never get you to try another brand, say, my Luckies.”
“Alright, well, let’s just say, tomorrow, a tobacco weevil comes and eats, every last Old Gold on the planet.”
“It’s a tragedy, would you just stop smoking.”
“I love smoking, that’s very good.”
“Yeah, I heard about that.”
“Yes they do.”
“Am I interrupting anything?”
“How’s it going?”
“Can I run a few ideas past you?”
“I’m having a situation with my cigarette account.”
“Trade commission is cracking down on all of our health cares.”
“Well, that’s just it. The whole safer cigarette thing is over. No more doctors. No more testimonials. No more cough free, soothes your T zone, low tar, low nicotine, filter tip, nothing. All I have is a crush proof box and 4 out of 5 dead people smoked your brand.”
“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”
“Midge, I’m serious. I have nothing. I am over and they’re finally going to know it. Next time you see me they’ll be a bunch of young executives picking meat off my ribs.”
“What’s your secret?”
“We should get married.”
“I’m serious, you have your own business, you don’t mind when I come over.”
“What size Cadillac do you take?”
“Sterling’s having the tobacco people in in 9 hours and I have nothing.”
“You know there’s this kid who comes by my office everyday, looks where he’s going to put his plants.”
“It’s been on my mind.”
“You worried?”
“So, you, uh, came here cause you wanted to watch me get dressed?”
“In body, give me about a half hour for the rest of it.”
“Not on my watch.”
“We’ve got an Italian, Salvatore, my art director.”
“Sorry. Most of the Jewish guys work for the Jewish firms.”
“That’s very good.”
“You want me to run down to the deli, grab somebody?”
“Summer’s coming.”
“If I know these guys, you’re better off with a little sex appeal. Can you give me a woman in a bathing suit, put her next to your guy?”
“Give you a chance to get a real model.”
“Ah, I’m not really big on those things.”
“So. That’s it, huh? Relax?”
“Send her in.”
“I’m doing my own research.”
“The medical thing is dead, we understand that.”
“So basically, if you love danger, you’ll love smoking.”
“Freud, you say, what agency is he with?”
“Let me tell you something, Ms. Guttman.”
“Dr. Guttman. Psychology might be great at cocktail parties, but it so happens people were buying cigarettes before Freud was born. The issue isn’t why should people smoke, it’s why should people smoke Lucky Strike. Suggesting that our customers have a… what did you call it, a death wish? I just don’t see that on a billboard.”
“Just give me the damn report.”
“Oh, I’m sure I will. You’re the one who found all of our medical testimonials in the first place.”
“Has anyone else seen this?”
“Good. I don’t want to hear about it anymore. I’m sorry, I just find your whole approach perverse.”
“Sal, I’ll take that drink now.”
“He doesn’t know I’m sleeping in here, does he?”
“Who are you?”
“Would you , uh, you go out there and entertain him?”
“I see your point.”
“Send him in.”
“You are tough to take first thing in the morning, Pete.”
“Uh, she’s the new girl.”
“That’ll be all.”
“Oh, and sorry about Mr. Campbell here, he left his manners back at the fraternity house.”
“The future Mrs. Pete Campbell is a very lucky woman, when is the wedding again?”
“He sure did.”
“How old are you, Pete?”
“I bet the whole world looks like one great big brassier snap just waiting to be snapped, huh?”
“Campbell, we’re both men here, so I’m going to be direct.”
“Advertising is a very small world and when you do something like malign the reputation of a girl in the steno pool on her first day, you make it even smaller. Keep it up, and even if you do get my job, you’ll never run this place. You’ll die in that corner office, a mid-level executive with a little bit of hair who women go home with out of pity. Want to know why? Cause no one will like you.”
“Well, at least the building. Pleasure to meet you.”
“Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I was expecting.”
“And you are?”
“Of course, David, one of the rising stars at Sterling Cooper.”
“Very subtle, isn’t that your shirt?”
“Then, a 10% off coupon in select ladies magazines will increase your first time customers. Once we get them into the store, the rest is kind of up to you.”
“Ms. Mencken, coupons work. I think your father would agree with this strategy.”
“What kind of people do you want?”
“We obviously have very different ideas.”
“Ms, you are way out of line.”
“Talk out what, the silly idea that people are going to come to some store they’ve never been to because it’s more expensive?”
“Mencken’s is not Channel.”
“This is ridiculous, I’m not going to let a woman talk to me like this, this meeting is over. Good luck, Ms. Mencken.”
“Well, Roger’s not going to be happy, so I guess that’s good for you.”
“Look, I’m sorry I was so hard on you before, it’s just this damn tobacco thing.”
“Let’s take it a little slower, I don’t want to wake up pregnant.”
“Well, uh, I have been thinking quite a bit about this. And, uh. I mean you know I’m a Lucky Strike man from way back, so..”
“Gentleman, before you leave, can I just say something?”
“The Federal Trade Commission and Readers’ Digest have done you a favor. They’ve let you know that any ad that brings up the concept of cigarettes and health together, well, it’s just gonna make people think of cancer.”
“But what Lee Jr said is right. If you can’t make those health claims, neither can your competitors.”
“Not exactly, this is the greatest advertising opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have 6 identical companies making 6 identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?”
“There you go. There you go.”
“No, everybody else’s tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strike’s is toasted.”
“Advertising is based on 1 thing: happiness. And you know what happiness is? It’s the smell of a new car, it’s freedom from fear. It’s a billboard, on the side of the road, that screams with reassurance that whatever you’re doing is OK. You are OK.”
“For the record, I pulled it out of thin air, so thank you up there.”
“I don’t know, uh, bunting and babies, that’s hard work. I’d make a hash of it.”
“Could you be a little more specific, honey?”
“Thank you, boys, I appreciate it.”
“I love to come through.”
“Haven’t you had enough of my magic for one day?”
“You’re a whore.”
“Peggy, would you get us a little more ice?”
“Just a minute. Fellas, I think this party is gonna have to move elsewhere.”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe next time.”
“If Greta’s research was any good, I would have used it.”
“I’m saying, I had a report just like that, and it’s not like there’s some magic machine that makes identical copies of things.”
“Have a great night, Pete, congratulations.”
“Fear stimulates my imagination.”
“First of all, Peggy, I’m your boss, not your boyfriend. Second of all, you ever let Pete Campbell go through my trash again and you won’t be able to find a job selling sandwiches in Penn Station.”
“Of course not. Go home, put your curlers in, we’ll get a fresh start tomorrow. Oh, and Peggy, I need you to place a call.”
“That is quite a drink.”
“I shouldn’t have lost my temper and I certainly shouldn’t have treated you like anything less than a client.”
“So you understand?”
“Well, I’m not really as bad as all that. I was under a lot of pressure. Another account. It doesn’t really matter.”
“So, without making things worse, can I ask you a personal question?”
“Why aren’t you married?”
“Well, it’s just that you’re a beautiful, educated woman, don’t you think that getting married and having a family would make you happier than all the headaches that go along with fighting people like me?”
“So that’s it, you won’t get married because you find business to be a thrill.”
“She won’t get married because she’s never been in love. I think I wrote that and used it to sell nylons.”
“Oh you mean love, you mean big lightning bolt through the heart where you can’t eat and you can’t work and you just run of and get married and make babies. The reason you haven’t felt it is because it doesn’t exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.”
“Pretty sure about it. You’re born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts, but I never forget. I’m living like there’s no tomorrow because there isn’t one.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t know if that’s true. You want another drink?”
“So I guess we’ll be seeing each other again.”
“I’d like that.”
“I didn’t want to bother you.”
“I’m not.”
“I’ll be right back, don’t move.”

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Episode 2
“All clear in no man’s land.”
“As long as the egg comes first.”
“I can’t tell you about my childhood. It’d ruin the first half of my novel.”
“It’s not that interesting a story. Just think of me as Moses. I was a baby in a basket.”
“Maybe your wife is just a better drinker.”
“Well, you were sitting on my good side.”
“Well, I like to think I always know what I want.”
“Once you rounded the corner on number 2 I took it for a case of nerves.”
“Tuchore means he likes me, when he gets us to the Four Seasons, then we’ll know he trusts me.”
“Oh, and stoned on martinis.”
“Well, maybe it’s just manners, but I was raised to see it as a sin of pride to go on like that about yourself.”
“Why, what difference does it make?”
“No, of course not.”
“Jesus, Bets, it’s like politics, religion, or sex. Why talk about it?”
“I’m sure more research is needed? We should try it out.”
“Brassier account, just figured out we can’t sell’em to men.”
“Yeah, he mentioned it. I just assumed it went away.”
“Last I read, Nixon was running without an agency.”
“And what does Dick Nixon think he needs?”
“He dodged a financial scandal by standing with his wife and begging for his dog an admission wrapped in distraction. I’d say they know what they’re doing.”
“Well they think they’re set without us, why chase a girl that doesn’t want to get caught.”
“I don’t vote.”
“So, whether Dick Nixon likes it or not-”
“Be my pleasure.”
“What’s that?”
“Since when do you have a television?”
“I seem to remember a woman wasting a good piece of a beautiful afternoon reciting a diatribe against television that should have ended with her banging her shoe on the table.”
“Where’d you get the TV?”
“Same place you got that wig?”
“And you took it?”
“What about you?”
“Sorry they couldn’t get a hold of me, we had to carry Freddy Mumson out of Retazzi’s.”
“How’s the car?”
“I hate the way you drive, you know?”
“So what happened?”
“At 20 miles an hour? That’s not that fast.”
“Was it Sally, playing with the radio again? I’ve warned her.”
“Jesus. Betty, you have to get this taken care of. That Dr. Patterson is not thorough. I swear when we walked down Park Avenue, I could hear the quacking.”
“OK, you’ve given me his credentials, what did he say?”
“Doctors must love that they now have an answer for ‘I don’t know what’s wrong’.”
“Nervous about what, driving? So we’ll go down to the Grand Union parking lot. We’ll practice your 10 and 2.”
“So that’s their solution? Why not open the hood, poke around? So?”
“Well, go to a doctor, another doctor. A good one! I’ll get a specialist from Burt Cooper, his name’s on a wall over at St. Vincent’s.”
“And leave the dishes for the girl.”
“7-8-9-10-11-12-98-99-100. You know I do worry about you, Birdie.”
“I just don’t know what they can possibly tell you.”
“I always thought people saw a psychiatrist when they were unhappy. But I look at you and this and them and that. And I think, ‘are you unhappy’?”
“Well, that’ll be $35, you’re welcome.”
“Ahh, suicide. OK, boys, what do we have?”
“Except some people think of the future and it upsets them. They see a rocket and they start building a bomb shelter.”
“I don’t think it’s ridiculous to assume we’re looking for other planets because this one will end.”
“Who is this moron flying around space, I mean, he pees in his pants. Brass tacks, who buys this? Some woman. Your girl or your mother will pick this up walking through the grocery store or the druggist. We should be asking ourselves, ‘what do women want?'”
“I’m not asking what do women want in some bullshit research psychology way, I’m asking what would make a woman look at this man’s deodorant and say, ‘I want that’.”
“Maybe I should stop paying you.”
“No. Let’s bring it down to Earth. You think they want a cowboy? He’s quiet and strong. He always brings the cattle home safe. You watch TV. What if they want something else? Inside some mysterious wish that we’re ignoring.”
“Can I fix you something?”
“I should go to Niagara Falls for 2 weeks. Does wonders for your career.”
“Let me ask you something. What do women want?”
“You mentioned the other night that your daughter had been to a psychiatrist.”
“We had 1 headshrinker in the Army, a gossip. Busting with other people’s thoughts.”
“We do? Who could not be happy with all of this?”
“Beauty and the beast.”
“In the office.”
“You know, when I told you you had everything, I was wrong.”
“White gold, it’s got one of those tiny little faces that you have to be young to see.”
“The guy at the store set the time, but he was English, so it might be 6 hours off.”
“I didn’t see it.”
“I thought that was ketchup.”
“I don’t want to play what if.”
“Nothing happened.”
“I don’t know. I guess so. Whatever you want.”
“Brought Betty into the city to see the doctor, but honestly I think the one that’s not feeling so great. I called in sick.”
“You’re right.”
“I can’t decide if you have everything or nothing.”
“Sounds more like you live in the Village.”
“That’s cause I’m a man, you seem to forget that sometimes. Lucky they aren’t all like you.”
“What do women want?”
“What do women want? You know better than to ask. Give me a pen.”
“What do women want? Any excuse to get closer.”
“I’ll have the goulash.”
“How was your day?”
“You know I work with doctors? They’ll say anything you pay them to.”
“I saw an interesting thing in the Journal American today. Apparently the phone company wants to start charging people for unlisted numbers.”
“Some people agree with you and they’re giving aliases to Ma Bell. They call it the Nom de Phone.”
“Of course, most of them are pornographic. The best one? Pat McGroin.”
“Hard to believe they can print that in the Journal American, let alone the phonebook.”
“I’ll be right up.”
“Hello, sorry to bother you so late, it’s Don Draper.”
“Glad to hear that. Well?”

Episode 3
“Of course, Larry, look at you.”
“I’m upstate.”
“Yeah, I remember that.”
“Someone will finally be working in there.”
“Do you need a minute? You must, you keep moving this Seekor laxative discussion.”
“What do we have? And let me remind you, safe and reliable would make me doze off if I wasn’t so blighted by the scourge of constipation.”
“Stay in the art department, Sal.”
“I have, I don’t know what I hate about it the most, the ad or the car.”
“They must be getting results, they keep going back to the well.”
“I’m still waiting on my shirts.”
“Well, say what you want. Love it or hate, the fact remains, we’ve been talking about this for the last 15 minutes. And this is Playboy. Of course, what we should have been talking about is Seekor laxative, unless, as it appears, There is nothing to say.”
“Part of this job is doing things you don’t want to do.”
“Then it must not have been much of a honeymoon.”
“I’m sorry, welcome back, how’s married life?”
“I was raised that men don’t wear jewelry.”
“I look forward to meeting her.”
“Maybe we can.”
“We appreciate your business.”
“We take his word for it.”
“Anyone without a head.”
“Ms. Mencken, I can assure you that no one at this table has ever been to your store. A wrong I will personally correct this afternoon.”
“I’ve got it.”
“Well, it wasn’t a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover.”
“I have a deep voice.”
“It’s a date.”
“New junior exec.”
“Because they cost practically nothing. Costume change.”
“Well, it is crowded, but that might have something to do with the sale, which means that if we’re successful you’re going to lose the customers you have in order to get the customers you want.”
“Well, you do have to give them something for their higher dollar count, it’s just awfully hard to define what that is.”
“That’s gotta be a tough job.”
“Well, that might explain the lack of customers. I can see the charm, but the room is too dark, too old fashioned, the products look old.”
“You know it’s a shame we’re gonna have to lop their heads off and ruin your favorite part of the store.”
“Hell, Manhattan at your feet, I can see the appeal.”
“How did they get the penthouse.?”
“They know I’m with you, right?”
“So even then you enjoyed telling men what to do.”
“Well, that’s not always a bad thing.”
“What is this? Don’t try to convince me that you were ever unloved.”
“Listen. I’m married.”
“It shouldn’t have happened.”
“I knew what I wanted from the first time you stormed out of our office.”
“Of course not.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s not your birthday, it’s your party.”
“How am I going to put together a pony?”
“She’ll forget all about it when she sees the playhouse.”
“You, are not supposed to see this yet. Why don’t you run into the garage and get me another beer.”
“It will appear untouched.”
“Thank you.”
“Want something a little stronger there, Carlton?”
“I haven’t seen that.”
“Yup, this is it.”
“Glenn, I’m pretty sure there are some peanut butter sandwiches and a BB gun out there in the backyard, why don’t you come with me?”
“Of everyone, or just Chief Tiny Tim?”
“What are you, Frank Sinatra?”
“There are the boys, how we doing?”
“Same crowd out here.”
“Hey. Hey. Happy birthday, baby.”

Episode 3
“Don Draper, nice to meet you. Congratulations. You’re a very lucky girl.”
“Yes you are. He’s essential to the process around here. I think we’re almost as happy to have him as you are.”
“Well maybe you’re right. Nice to meet you.”
“Tell the vault to make me a print. The girl knows where I keep the cans.”
“Well, we’re screening a television commercial. It will probably look better when it’s breaking up Bonanza.”
“So he keeps telling me.”
“How are you?”
“Rachel, listen.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want it to be like this.”
“Can we at least have lunch sometime.”
“Walter, how’s it going?”
“Well, he’s known for losing gracefully.”
“Did you have a good time in the city last night?”
“Unwind with the psalms.”
“Well, we take for granted, the things we need the most. Water, oil, electricity. Steel. I was thinking about the last time you were here, looking out this window at this incredible city and saying, ‘it’s all steel’. New York City, brought to you by Bethlehem Steel. City of Pittsburgh, brought to you by Bethlehem Steel. City of Chicago. Detroit. St Louis. Full pages ads in targeted markets. Newspapers, trade publications, throw in a few billboards so your employees can brag to their girlfriends.”
“Well, Walter you’ve been doing this long enough, you know we can throw this artwork away in a minute. But the sentiment, the idea, it’s so basic, you… You feel like you already know it, you just haven’t thought of it lately.”
“Well, would you prefer an I beam on a plate with a pat of butter on it?”
“Just making a point, steel is not something that you can buy at the supermarket.”
“Well, Walter, I’m surprised. I believe this is fairly close to what we had talked about. ”
“I believe it was more specific.”
“Pete, I think Sal can show Mr Vipe out. Walt.”
“What the hell was that?”
“And I could feel he was sentences away. I’m that kind of guy.”
“Someone hadn’t prepared him to like the idea. An idea he was extremely enthusiastic about 3 months ago.”
“You do your job. Take him sailing. Get him in a bathing suit. Leave the ideas to me.”
“I’m sure you do. Sterling Cooper has more artists and failed intellectualists than the Third Reich.”
“Well, I wanted to maintain our original strategy, but I think the wordplay achieves what you’re looking for. The idea that from the acorn that is Bethlehem Steel comes America’s great cities.”
“Excuse me?”
“Ah, right.”
“Pleasure to make you happy, Walt.”
“Nice work.”
“Yes you did. Good one. Enjoy it.”
“Listen, Pete. I need you to go get a cardboard box. Put your things in it. OK?”
“Remember Pete Campbell’s last day? It’s today.”
“While I was breaking my neck trying to fix the hash he made yesterday, he was out at the St Regis yesterday pitching copy. His copy.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Sounds more like a bomb.”
“Nothing, except they put out a mediocre product.”
“So they’re rich. So what?”
“What’s your concern, then?”
“Absolutely. He’s more valuable to the agency than I am.”
“Well, let’s get one of the other ones.”
“I thought it was a big watch.”
“Well, thank you, sir.”
“It’s why I got in.”
“Doing my best here.”
“What about shaky hands? I see a lot of that too with you boys.”
“Not all imaginary.”
“Maybe I’m not as comfortable being powerless as you are.”
“I’m not.”
“Kids today, they have no one to look up to. Cause they’re looking up to us.”

Episode 5
“What, take that thing on the train like some kid who won at the 4H Besides no one wants look like they care about awards?”
“In this end.”
“Mm. He likes to be recognized for selling. Creative is less important.”
“But he gave the speech.”
“Oh, Betty, it’s 8:00.”
“Daddy’s boss won an award.”
“Go downstairs and eat something.”
“Just do it in the kitchen. I don’t want to hear the bubbles.”
“Thank you.”
“Fortunately no one reads that.”
“That’s rude.”
“Thank you.”
“Congratulations for what? Being the only person on time to this meeting?
“Good for you.”
“Look at that.”
“Tapping a Maple on a Cold Vermont Morning. Cosgrove here got a story published in the, uh…”
“I look forward to reading it.”
“Talk. One of you.”
“Jack keeps talking about escalating the toaster wars to lure women in, which is silly, when you think about it because other than a few working girls, most women aren’t in charge of the banking.”
“They do. All we do is try to get the girls in. Families. But you know what? Men need their own accounts beyond the family.”
“No. Executive account.”
“Hello, Mr. Biderbeck?”
“Whose Bix?”
“Where are you calling me from?”
“Midge, I’m at work.”
“You can’t call me at work.”
“This is working right now.”
“I hurt your feelings.”
“I’m here.”
“I don’t even think about it.”
“Well, that’ll keep you working here.”
“Sal’s problem.”
“Sales are great. Lawsuit is pending. You’re the one whose supposed to be keeping an eye out on what’s happening in Washington.”
“I’ll take any excuse to get out of this meeting.”
“Uh…Tell him, uh, where is he? I should, uh. I have to deal with this.”
“I got this.”
“May I help you? Can I help you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s Don.”
“I don’t even know who you are.”
“I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”
“No. There’s a coffee shop 3 blocks west of here. Delight. I’ll meet you there at noon.”
“Yes. Of course. All set.”
“What do you want from me?”
“That’s not me.”
“Adam. It’s not me.”
“I couldn’t go back there. No, that’s alright.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“What difference does it make? People change their names.”
“What happened to her?”
“She wasn’t my mother. She never let me forget that.”
“Of course I did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Around. Here, mostly.”
“I’m gonna go.”
“Want me to pay for lunch?”
“Let me.”
“Adam, that’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna walk out that door. That’s it. I’m not buying your lunch because this never happened.”
“The portrait.”
“No, I forgot to check in before I went to the printer.”
“We’ll have to do that on the way, they must be waiting for us at the studio.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I think Paul has a handle on this.”
“What are you laughing at?”
“Yes. For the day.”
“I’m going home. You can reach me there, if necessary.”
“That’s good.”
“It’s not that far.”
“As the driven snow.”
“No, I just might have to go back to the office, I haven’t decided yet.”
“I need to see you tonight, are you busy?”
“Good, I’m leaving now.”
“25 minutes.”
“Whatever you have.”
“I came here because I wanted to talk to you and explain something to you.”
“Adam, listen to me. I have a life and it only goes in one direction. Forward.’
“So no Abigail, no Uncle Mac. Nobody, huh?”
“I don’t know. I guess so.”
“No I’m not.”
“That’s $5,000. That’s all there is. I want you to take it and I want you to leave New York and I don’t want to see or hear from you ever again.”
“That’s all I can do for you.”
“You thought I was dead. Just go back to thinking that.”
“Adam, that is $5,000. Make your own life. I have too much here.”
“It’s gonna be OK.”
“Yes. Papers are on my desk.”
“No, I just wanna go to sleep.”
“I won’t.”
“No, it’s great. It’s great. I’m looking forward to it already, I swear.”
“I just don’t like the way he looks at me.”
“I don’t know, Betts. I think Cape May will be fine. We’re not that flush right now.”
“It’s nothing to be worried about. I just rather wait til next year.”

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Episode 6
“Happy Mother’s Day.”
“This is fascinating.”
“It’s certainly dirtier.”
“Well, some men like eyebrows, and all men like Joan Crawford. Salvatore couldn’t stop talking about her.”
“I promise you, Bets, first sign of crows feet and I’ll put you on an ice flow. Or would you prefer to be my gal in the iron mask? Did you have a nice Mother’s Day?”
“Bets, don’t. No melancholy.”
“But it’s your Mother’s Day, not hers.”
“Dr. Wayne.”
“So you’re cured?”
“When their vacation house is paid for.”
“Mourning is just extended self-pity. In New Guinea, Pygmies grind up their ancestors and drink the powder in a beer.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“What about Advanced Reproduction, how are your studies progressing in that?”
“You did?”
“I flunked the whole thing.”
“Me too.”
“You have me. You do.”
“Nick, you ever add that second deck of portholes?”
“Of course.”
“And you.”
“It’s an exciting idea. Of course we should keep in mind that Paris has the Eiffel tower. And Rome has the Coliseum.”
“Well, Sterling Cooper doesn’t like to think of itself as tradition.”
“Well, you’re not thinking of, uh, putting 150 foot statue of Jesus in Tel Aviv, are you? Cause that’s how we sold Rio.”
“Well, you’ve certainly saved me some leg work. All I have is the Bible.”
“So, your ideal tourist, what’s his yearly salary?”
“Mona, Margaret, what brings you below 59th St?”
“I can see why they want the guns.”
“It helps if they stop blowing up hotels.”
“Take religion out. They’ve got plenty stations of the cross traffic.”
“Except the Daughters of the American Revolution shuttling this up and down 5th Avenue.”
“So we have a quasi-communist state, where women have guns, and it’s filled with Jews. Well, not completely filled, let’s not forget there are also Arabs.”
“Alright, I have to make a couple phone calls, let’s pick this up later.”
“Peggy, will you get me a private line, please?”
“I’m glad you did. I need to see you.”
“It’s business, meet me for a drink.”
“I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important. I should still be able to talk to you. Give me credit for that.”
“Message received.”
“Mm. This weekend.”
“There’s less action than I thought.”
“How did that happen?”
“I’m surprised your mother let you go.”
“Was he a good kisser.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he was very disappointed.”
“Honey, it’s hot. And I have to read this book about the desert.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.”
“Thanks for coming. Can I get you anything?”
“How’ve you been?”
“It doesn’t show.”
“You look beautiful.”
“Irish Coffee?”
“Turns out Israel Tourism is considering becoming a client and I’m having a hard time getting a handle on it.”
“You’re my favorite.”
“I have. It’s all sentimental. World War II trivia, oranges, kids in blue and white hats. They’re doing a movie of ‘Exodus’ with Paul Newman.”
“Damn it.”
“Well, those people at the meeting were definitely Zionists.”
“I just wanted to know something about it that doesn’t come from some Ministry of Propaganda.”
“OK, I deserved that. But I’m talking about tourists going to Israel.”
“What is the difference?”
“I don’t hate you.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Why aren’t you there?”
“Peggy, clear the rest of my afternoon, would you please?”
“Have a box of cigars sent over to Jim King with my apologies.”
“Good girl.”
“Peggy? If you say so. I try to avoid eye contact to avoid being blinded by the earnestness.”
“Brainstorming, I’m sorry I missed that.”
“Let’s get this off.”
“I think I’m gonna stay here.”
“No place to put your coat.”
“Switch seats with me.”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
“Well, maybe it’s born there. But I think it may be conceived right here.”
“I blow up bridges.”
“On a bed made of money.”
“People want to be told what to do so badly that they’ll listen to anyone.”
“And I have a feeling that you spent more time on your hair this morning.”
“So, Roy, if you had a job, what would you do.”
“I should go, too much art for me.”

Episode 7
“I know you said to call at night, but, uh, I haven’t been alone.”
“So how is she?”
“But she’s making progress?
“Well, what has she been talking about?”
“She wasn’t always like this.”
“So that’s it?”
“There are deeper issues?”
“I’m concerned, obviously.”
“Well, I appreciate your time.”
“I don’t mind you staying late, just as long as you’re not milking us for the dinner money.”
“Just cause tomorrow is Friday I don’t expect you to be pulling your head off the keys in the morning.”
“I’m on the 5:31.”
“Trying to get me in trouble? Betty’s cooking.”
“Is that what we’re gonna do?”
“I don’t think those two have 30 years between them.”
“Yeah, you’ll have to let me know.”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll call Betty. Tell her we’ll be three.”
“What are you kidding? She’ll be thrilled. When was the last time she saw you?”
“Yes, I’m coming home. Unfortunately, Roger has decided he needs a home cooked meal.”
“Birdie, what do you put in that freezer I bought you?”
“What do you want me to say.”
“Sounds like a lateral move.”
“Trouble sleeping? Never.”
“We used to swim in a quarry.”
“What do you say we go to a commercial break? Brought to you by more liquor.”
“But the professional wisdom says that one of our guys came up with that as a way to sell matches.”
“Not much to say. You boys used up all the glory.”
“Bored, what about scared? That never comes into these stories.”
“Bet they gave you a medal.”
“You want to switch to gin?
“I have something out in the garage left over from New Year’s.”
“No, I ran down the street knocking on doors.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
“That’s my car. There you go. Lights.”
“What was that?”
“That. Him. It felt like someone turned the oven on when I came back in here with that bottle.”
“You seemed to be having a grand time.”
“You made a fool of yourself.”
“You were throwing yourself at him, giggling at all his stories.”
“I don’t like to be treated that way in my own home. I know what I saw.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a little girl.”
“Send him in.”
“I take it you got home in one piece.”
“I know that place, it’s got great water pressure.”
“What about it?”
“What does that mean, Roger?”
“I don’t even know what this is.”
“Thanks for the bottle, Roger.”
“Betty’s gonna want that glass back.”
“He’s not helping himself keeping quiet on Castro.”
“Oh, roast beef. You know it’s just me tonight, right?”
“Hollis, let me ask you something.”
“What are we naming them now?”
“Never even gave them a chance before, but I’m acquiring a taste. It’s like eating a mermaid.”
“You’re leading this dance.”
“Today I’m on the Roger Sterling diet.”
“Me as well.”
“So what’s an extra lap or two around the steno pool for us? Two cheesecakes.”
“I believe we branded them cat lovers and moved onto the subject of true love.”
“I believe in his case, it was the lure of orange hair.”
“Drinking milk, I never liked it. I hate cows.”
“One more?”
“No way.”
“When might it be back up, should we wait?”
“It’s certainly a believable excuse.”
“We’d be walking down. It’d be easier.”
“I think we’d hear it go on in the stairwell.”
“Roger, I don’t know.”
“Or maybe we could get them to come down and have the presentation on the eight floor landing, there’s plenty of seats.”
“Well, what do you want to do, we’re almost there.”
“Well, we can waste another 5 minutes talking about it if you want.”
“6 to go.”
“You want to rest a minute.”
“I forgot, a navy man.”
“We’ll find you one if we still have jobs. Want me to run ahead.”
“You sure?”
“Elevator is out.”
“He’s coming.”
“Hopefully, a little brains, too. Sorry to keep you fellas waiting, the elevator’s out.”
“Get us some ice water.”
“I’ll be right in.”
“You OK?”

Episode 8
“Good morning.”
“Tell Mr. Sterling I’ll be right there.”
“Thank you, Peggy. What happened there?”
“$2500. I, uh…”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
“I assume that’s flattering.”
“I will.”
“It’s OK, Kenny. I don’t think there’s much else to do here, but call it a day. Gentlemen, thank you for your time.”
“You’re a non-believer, why should we waste time on Kabuki?”
“It means that you’ve already tried your plan and you’re number 4.”
“You’ve enlisted my expertise and you’ve rejected it to go on the way you’ve been going. I’m not interested in that. You can understand.”
“Listen, I’m not here to tell you about Jesus. You already know about Jesus. Either he lives in your heart, or he doesn’t. Every woman wants choices. But in the end, none wants to be 1 of a hundred in a box. She’s unique. She makes the choices and she’s chosen him. She wants to tell the world, ‘he’s mine. He belongs to me, not you.’ She marks her man, with her lips. He is her possession. You’ve given every girl that wears your lipstick, the gift of total ownership.”
“No. Not until I know I’m not wasting my time.”
“Well, we’ll never know, will we?”
“It’s not a science, Hugh, we’ll do our best.”
“Ken, you’ll realize in your private life that at a certain point seduction is over and force is actually being requested.”
“Peggy, ice, we’ll need some.”
“How do you take it?”
“Go ahead, before Joan Holloway sees.”
“We barely finished the presentation and he bought it.”
“You want another drink?”
“Not a writer.”
“Excuse me, fellas.”
“Pack a bag, we’re going to Paris.”
“It’s a bonus. I’m not sure what for.”
“What do you say? I called Adewal. We can have breakfast in Versaille.”
“I thought you didn’t make plans.”
“That’s your plan?”
“I feel like Dorothy, everything just turned to color.
“Well put.”
“No thanks. OK, maybe.”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course.”
“You two. You’re in love.”
“Everyday I make pictures where people appear to be in love. I know what it looks like.”
“You’re breaking my heart.”
“Neither will buying some Tokai wine and leaning up against a wall in Grand Central pretending you’re a vagrant.”
“My God, stop talking. Make something of yourself.”
“Well, I’ll break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.”
“Paris. Now. Let’s go.”
“Buy yourself a car.”
“You can’t.”
“Good evening.”
“Wake up, Bobby.”
“Come on, get up.”
“Shhh, your sister’s sleeping.”
“Ask me anything.”
“Ask me.”
“I don’t know. But I will never lie to you.”
“Morning, Peggy.”

Episode 9
“Probably about like you. Enduring the splendor of Fiarello.”
“Mazel Tov.”
“3 millionaires in a towel in a steam room, I don’t know how to take that.”
“Wasn’t good enough to land the Israelis.”
“Can you get me out of the second half of this show?”
“Betty, my wife. Jim and Adell Hobart.”
“People like Jim Hobart always talk business because they have nothing else to say.”
“Really, did he tell you to put it under my pillow or something?”
“Was he?”
“Well, then there’s no need to doubt his interest then.”
“You’re not wrong for anything.”
“Any other good news?”
“Peggy, can you get me an outside line?”
“I appreciate the gesture.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t know. I… I’m not ready to wave the flag just yet.”
“Bet you already know what you’re gonna say.”
“But you’re going to.”
“Small is bad.”
“No comment.”
“Where’d you get this?”
“I’m happy to give up any Spanish speakers and hope this goes away.”
“More risk, why we doing this, and out of pocket?”
“Clients come and go, Campbell, sometimes it’s best to rid them of unrealistic expectations.”
“The girl. We gave her a little extra work and now she’s distracted.”
“Look at that!”
“You always told me you hated it.”
“Maybe it’s Jim Hobart.”
“You want to go back to work?”
“That’s, 3-4 hour stretches.”
“You’re serious?”
“Are you resolved, or is this even worth arguing?”
“Well, I can’t stop you from doing what you want to do.”
“Not exactly dressed for that, are we?”
“Those are nice clubs.”
“How’d you hear about it?”
“Bigger. The world, basically.”
“Pan Am.”
“That’s true.”
“That’s a sad thought.”
“I haven’t made up my mind.”
“Why? It’s business.”
“Who was it?”
“I do.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to ruin this, I’m very happy for you.”
“No. Right here.”
“I see you got there and back in one piece.”
“So how was it?”
“Ronnie Gitteridge. He’s the art director. I met him.”
“I’d love to.”
“Get in bed with daddy.”
“He said this to you in your dream?”
“Now they can’t play in the yard? I’ll get my robe on and go over there and find out what happened.”
“You should have Ethel talk to him.”
“But she didn’t tell you?
“Maybe not. She’s never slept well.”
“Thank you.”
“This didn’t go by me.”
“What did they do?”
“Congratulations, boys.”
“Is he in?”
“I see no reason to leave. Or maybe I see a million.”
“45 is good.”
“I like the way you do business.”
“No contract.”
“If I leave this place, one day. It will not be for more advertising.”
“I don’t know, life being lived. I’d like to stop talking about it and get back to it.”
“I’ve done that. I want to do something else”
“Jim Hobart, McCann Ericson.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I don’t know about that, Jim.”
“It’s Yankee Stadium, I know.”
“It’s not.”
“No, that was her idea.”
“Maybe not, but I can’t exactly say that was a big league move.”
“How did it go today?”
“It can be.”
“If that’s what you want, and it’s my job to give you what you want.”
“Birdie, you know I don’t care about making my dinner or taking in my shirts. You have a job. You are mother to those two little people and you are better at it than anyone else in the world. At least in the top 500. I would have given anything to have a mother like you. Beautiful and kind and filled with love like an angel.”
“And this does not taste whipped up.”
“You too.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Have a good day.”

Episode 10
“Woah, woah, woah, woah, running in the house.”
“If I leave, can you keep your mouth shut?”
“Good morning, good to see you, Gene.”
“I heard you might be joining us. It’s good to have another around, give Betty a break.”
“We’re only going for the weekend.”
“She seems like a perfectly nice lady. What am I supposed to do with this, fill it with hay? How far do you want to go with this?”
“Birdie, your father was married, what, forty years? The man can hardly fix himself a cup of tea, let alone do laundry.”
“A housekeeper goes home at night.”
“Let him have it.”
“You’ve been looking forward to the beach. Let her cook. Let your father put some stones by that wall so we stop getting water underneath the deck.”
“Just get through today, I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. We’ll go to that place with the lobster rolls.”
“Half the office is cleared out. Mm?”
“Happy days are here again.”
“It’s light, it’s fun, doesn’t cloud the mind with, I don’t know, issues. And it’s catchy.”
“Turn it off.”
“An ad made by a public relations team. Message received and forgotten.”
“It should have never been this close. I’d say we could run them again, but I don’t think you want to see them.”
“That’s not gonna hurt him. Women find out about that, it’ll push him over the top.”
“Why do we need to attack when there’s a story to tell. Kennedy, Nouveau Riche, recent immigrant, who bought his way into Harvard. And now he’s well bread? Great. Nixon is from nothing, a self made man, the Abe Lincoln of California who was Vice President of the United States 6 years after getting out of the Navy. Kennedy, I see a silver spoon. Nixon, I see myself.”
“Excuse me?”
“3 months of construction during which time we build enormous anticipation. Like a movie premier. The new Mencken’s. You will have a line on the first day.”
“Well, honestly, the unpleasant truth is you don’t have anything. Your customers can not be depended on anymore. Their lives have changed. They’re prosperous. Over the years they’ve developed new tastes. They’re like your daughter. Educated, sophisticated. They know full well what they deserve and they’re willing to pay for it.”
“Mr. Mencken, I don’t know if that’s true. You had no problem abandoning that second floor hosiery store for your present location and that’s a story you’ll be proud to tell your grandchildren. The only problem is they won’t care. As much as grandpa likes that marble palace I can promise you, they won’t. They’ll look at it and they’ll say, ‘Grandpa, it must have been hard, back in the olden days’.”
“I meant no disrespect, sir.”
“Looks like we both get to keep our jobs a little while longer.”
“I think he likes me.”
“What about you?”
“What can I do for ya?”
“Don’t tell they’re coming in again about the exercise sandals. Did you tell them summer’s over?”
“What, why didn’t he call me?”
“And what did you say?”
“So you really put up a fight?”
“Which you don’t remember or I’m sure you’d tell me?”
“The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Leave it. You wear Dr Scholl’s Inserts?
“Take them out.”
“We lost Dr. Scholl’s.”
“Leo Burnett. Campbell enjoyed telling me it was something to do with creative. I thought I should tell you make sure the ink is dry on that raise.”
“Well, I know I didn’t drop the ball on this. Sales are steady.”
“Trying to cheer me up? It’s working.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Betty’s at the Shore, I’m headed down tomorrow.”
“So, Mirabelle, what’s your special talent? Singing? Dancing? Baton twirling?”
“Well, I should be heading home.”
“I don’t dance.”
“No. No, I don’t. Listen, I should get going.”
“I really should go.”
“Listen, let me call you a car.”
“I don’t even think I can get out of the driveway.”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Maybe it’s this office, but you are selling to hard.”
“Jesus. Just call an ambulance and then leave. Leave. Right there.”
“Mona. Your wife’s name is Mona.”
“How you doing?”
“Well, you’re talking. That’s good.”
“What do you mean, like the thing that gives you get up and go.”
“What do you wanna hear?”
“It’s living. It’s like you said.”
“He’s doing great.”
“It’s me, Betts, were you sleeping?”
“Listen, Roger had a heart attack.”
“The doctors basically say they don’t know. Mona’s with him.”
“About tomorrow.”
“He was at work. He just keeled over. It was awful, basically.”
“I don’t know, Betts.”
“I don’t know. Stop thinking about that.”
“No, there’s nothing you can do.”
“Not great.”
“I don’t know.”
“I know it’s late, I’m sorry.”
“Let me in.”
“Can I get a drink?”
“I don’t know. He’s rich. They seem to be taking care of him.”
“He’s gray and weak. His skin looks like paper.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I don’t know.”
“I just need to sit down.”
“Sit with me.”
“Because I feel like you’re looking right through me over there.”
“I don’t like feeling like this.”
“I remember the first time I was a pall barer. I had seen dead bodies before, I must have been 15. My aunt. I remember thinking, ‘They’re letting me carry the box, they’re letting me be this close to it, no one is hiding anything from me now.’ And then I looked over and I saw all the old people waiting together by the grave and I remember thinking, ‘I’ve, I just moved up a notch’.”
“You know. I know you do. You know everything about me.”
“Please, just Rachel. This is it. This is all there is and I feel like it’s slipping through my fingers like a handful of sand. This is it. This is all there is.
“You don’t really believe that.”
“No. Unless you tell me you want this.”
“You told me your mother died in childbirth. Mine did too. She was a prostitute. I don’t know what my father paid her, but when she died they brought me to him and his wife. And when I was 10 years old, he died. He was a drunk who got kicked in the face by a horse. She buried him and took up with some other man and I was raised by those 2 sorry people.”

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Episode 11
“Peggy, will you get me a glass of ice water? Someone hasn’t told the sun it’s October. Ms. Holloway.”
“Didn’t you handle most of Mr. Sterling’s catering questions? Continue doing that.”
“I have. He’s less sickly.”
“Well, I never said I’d say this, but what does the research say?”
“No, it isn’t. It’s before and after pictures. Since the dawn of time.”
“So, it needs a name. The Electriciser, for a slimmer, better you.”
“Thank you.”
“Maybe you should put her on your regiment of sprinting out the door every day at 5 to 5.”
“Our big guns, have been silent.”
“Peggy. This device is a new product. I would like you to give us your thoughts on it.”
“No. It’s a weight loss belt, it says. It’s, uh, stimulates the muscles simulating calisthenics.”
“Because you’re a woman.”
“It’s an assignment, not an account.”
“That’ll be all.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t think about it. I mean I try not to.”
“We are together.”
“It’s not. I told you. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Just haven’t figured out what to do yet.”
“It’s up to you.”
“That was fast.”
“What is your unique point of view?”
“You feel different?”
“Peggy, you’re saying even less in here than you’re saying now.”
“Then you have failed.”
“Huh, where is that here?”
“Oh, I see that here. A sensation.”
“We now have a benefit, now we just have to figure out how to put it in words. Have another go at it.”
“Peggy, just think about it deeply, then forget it, and an idea will jump up in your face.”
“Fernando, we are pleased to hear that K’s sales have more than doubled, we still believe that most of the credit goes to your rum.”
“Burt Cooper says it is a unique pleasure working for you.”
“Jr or Sr.”
“And they’re having this lunch bedside, I suppose.”
“I am.”
“No, it’s just…maybe.”
“What was he doing in the dining room?”
“You let a stranger in my house?”
“I damn well will raise my voice, do you have any idea what could have happened?”
“Goodnight, Betty.”
“Welcome back, you look good.”
“Can you help us with this? His color.”
“Well, you know, we don’t need Miami Beach, but, uh, just do what you can do.”
“Lee. Jimmy. Preston. How do you do?”
“There’s still plenty of time before we have to worry about that, during which, we wait and see if share drops off before we run for the hills looking for a new campaign.”
“Don’t talk. This was stupid. I’ll get the elevator.”
“I’m very sorry.”
“I’ll be up, I want to check on Roger.”
“Hello, it’s Don Draper.”
“I don’t know, I don’t know what you do for anybody.”
“After hundreds of dollars, all you’ve managed to do is make her unhappy.”
“This has nothing to do with me, it’s her. You took a woman with a bad case of nerves and you made her weaker, not stronger. I’m afraid to leave her alone.”
“What are you doing now?”
“Thank you. I’ll think about that.”
“Sorry, this is the way it works.”
“Ready when you are.”
“From what I understand, it provides the pleasure of a man, without a man.”
“First of all, no Latin, you sound like a valedictorian. And the name, still isn’t right. Lastly, you still might need to give us a hint at what it does.”
“Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.”
“Freddy, Sal, you know what to do.”
“Now, that wasn’t so bad.”
“Come in.”
“You have a desk.”
“Peggy, the conversation of a raise is not inappropriate at this moment, but do not be timid. You presented like a man, now act like one.”
“Jesus, what do you make?”
“Well, that’s a 15% kick.”
“Is he dead?”
“As a symbolic gesture I think tell me that in here is in bad taste.”
“I accept.”
“Do I hire from inside or outside?”
“No contract.”
“You know I think this office is too big for me. I might need it if I’m gonna lure in Marty Brennan as head of account services.”
“Thank you.”
“I believe you.”
“You know what, I do like this office. I think Roger would want me to have it, that way he’ll always know he can have it back.”
“I am now.”
“Peggy, we have both had very good days. You may leave your post.”
“I’m sorry, that’s the best I can do at this point.”
“You can have your raise. And I’ll talk to Ms. Holloway about getting someone on your desk while you attend to your assignment.”
“In the meantime, go with your friends, celebrate.”
“Back away from the set, come on, you’ll burn your eyes out.”
“Uh, no I was supposed to have a meeting with a client but it got cancelled.”
“I got made partner.”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“It’ll probably be snowing in 2 weeks.”

Episode 12
“Herman Philips, Burt Cooper.”
“My research says I was not to call you Duck. You should have told me.”
“Herman was in London with Y&R.”
“He landed American Airlines.”
“Send him in.”
“American Airlines. $7 Million in billing.”
“Candidate for what?”
“Roger’s not involved in this. Anything else?”
“Look. You’re good at your job. Cooper loves you. What’s the hurry?”
“That supposed to persuade me?”
“I am, I just hope you realize, the way things stand, there will continue to be someone senior to you.”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
“What are you doing up?”
“I don’t think that’s a conversation appropriate for children.”
“I’m gonna fix a drink. You?”
“I’ve read 3 different newspapers with 3 different results. I’m sure you know something I don’t.”
“Shouldn’t have been that close.”
“So what does he do now? Walk away? Concede?”
“But you want to win.”
“So, what happens?”
“Ah, the optimism of the American corporation.”
“It doesn’t seem fair.”
“Can I help you? What’s that?”
“Well, thanks.”
“Would it disappoint you if I told you it hadn’t crossed my mind?”
“Spit it out, Campbell.”
“That’s kind of elaborate.”
“Pete, get out. You’re making a fool of yourself.”
“You should leave.”
“What information?”
“Come on.”
“You said everything except or else. Assuming this information is true, which it isn’t, it sounds to me like you’re blackmailing me.”
“When you threaten someone in this manner, you should be aware of the fact that if your information is powerful enough to make them do what you want, what else can it make them do?”
“Yes, sergeant”
“Where is everybody, sir?”
“Digging what?”
“I volunteered.”
“In as much practice as I’ve had, yes.”
“No, I just wanted to leave.”
“Let’s go away.”
“Sure. How about Los Angeles, Mexico. I have money.”
“No, I’m not.”
“No, something happened and I want to go and I want you to come with me and I don’t want to come back.”
“What does it matter, isn’t this what you want?”
“I just don’t want to be without you and I don’t want to be here.”
“What is the difference? We’ll go somewhere else. We’ll start over like Adam and Eve.”
“There’s nothing here.”
“I’ll provide for them.”
“You’re wrong, I know exactly what I want.”
“Are you having an attack of conscience, after all this?”
“You know more about me than anyone.”
“People do it everyday.”
“No, Rachel, don’t.”
“Peggy, this is my office. Does this door mean nothing to you?”
“Calm down. Stop it. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Gotta be some semblance of privacy around here.”
“That’s why you’re crying?”
“Peggy, I need to be alone right now.”
“Finish it.”
“I thought about what you said.”
“And then I thought about you and what a deep lack of character you have.”
“I’m hiring Duck Phillips.”
“I’m not making you do anything. You haven’t thought this through.”
“Really, you’re just going to go up to the office and tell Burt Cooper.”
“Well, let me ask you. How do you think he’ll react when you tell him this story of yours? You except him to promote you after the way you’ve behaved.”
“You haven’t thought this through.”
“I’m gonna take care of this right now.”
“I won’t let you hold this over my head.”
“Why, because your parents are rich? Because you went to prep school and have a $5 haircut? You’ve been given everything. You’ve never worked for anything in your life.”
“No, I just wanted to say, I’m pulling the trigger on Duck Phillips as new head of account services.”
“Just go, I can’t.”
“A little.”

Episode 13
“Birdie, I’m a partner. 80% of my business roles out next week, it just seems silly for me to go down there for a 12 hour Thanksgiving.”
“There was no reason you couldn’t have it up here.”
“I’m sorry, was I unclear about that?”
“Those the legendary secret files of Burt Cooper?”
“I hadn’t heard that. But, otherwise?”
“I don’t know, is he unhappy?”
“Who says they have?”
“This means everybody, writers, too. Bringing in business is the key to your salary, status, and self worth.”
“Hi, Birdie.”
“Oh, I have work to do here, as well.”
“Bets, right when I walk in the door?”
“What happened?”
“Well, what could you say? I’m surprised she told you.”
“Of course she is.”
“He was never my favorite.”
“Now you think she should kill him?”
“No one knows why people do what they do.”
“Come on, bring the wine.”
“Kodak reinvented the wheel, they’re gonna hear that 10 times.”
“Can you get me the, uh, Brighton Hotel, Times Square?”
“Yes, uh, sorry to bother you so late, I’m looking for someone, a tenant of yours, some, some months back.”
“Yes, uh, I’d love to know if he left a forwarding address, his name is, uh, Adam Whitman”
“Just a forwarding address, I’m trying to contact him. He has red hair. Over 6 feet.”
“Adam Whitman?”
“Are we on fire?”
“Harry, come here, I want to talk to you.”
“Harry, I want to talk to you.”
“What is the benefit of that thing?”
“Yeah, and the wheel stacks, you store your slides in it and it’s ready to go.”
“What’d you take pictures of?”
“Artsy, like what? Like reflection of a tree in a pond?”
“Black and white, I suppose.”
“Signature of the artist.”
“That’ll be all.”
“Good for you.”
“That’s a real account, Campbell, how’d that happen.”
“That’s generous.”
“Congratulations, I’m sure with a little bit of lawyering your entitled to that bonus.”
“Well, you do now, don’t you?”
“I am.”
“Well, technology is a glittering lure. But, uh, there’s the rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job, I was in house at a fur company with this old pro copywriter, Greek, named Teddy. And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is ‘new’. Creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion. But he also talked about a deeper bond with the product, ‘nostalgia’. It’s delicate, but potent. Sweetheart. Teddy told me that in Greek nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound. It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels. Round and around and back home again to a place where we know we are loved.”
“You know what, Pete? I’ve got a way for you turn this account into a homerun. Clearasil, you know who buys that? Young girls. What a difference it makes in their lives to be blemish free.”
“We have the perfect writer for that. Peggy Olsen.”
“Freddy Rumsen and I were both very impressed with her insight.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’ll have to give back that copy of Ayn Rand.”
“Miss Olsen, you are now a junior copywriter. Your first account will be delivering Clearasil to the spotted masses.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Good to hear. Mr. Campbell here will brief you after the holiday.”
“That’ll be all.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“I’ll pack the car, we’ll be there before midnight. Daddy’s coming with you.”
“Hello? Hello?”

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Everything Don Draper Said Season 1

0 thoughts on “Everything Don Draper Said Season 1

  1. […] illustrator, a comedian from the Upright Citizens Brigade "Mad Men" is theater on TV // Read everything Don Draper said in Season 1 Stolichnaya vodka and London Fog get season premiere product placement Silence is golden on […]


  2. Pointless says:

    There is absolutely no reason for this. You have WAY too much time on yr hands. This makes the show cheap. There might have been something funny or even profound about doing it for Tracey Morgan on 30 Rock, but this is just lame. Get a girlfriend. Or at the very least wack off. There have to be better uses for your time.


  3. aaron cohen says:

    I don’t understand how this makes the show cheap, or how doing it for Tracy Jordan made it profound. Guess I missed the point.

    Thanks for the suggestions of better uses for my time. Guess I’ll go find some blog posts and comment on them.


  4. Mc DLT says:

    Cool. It wasn’t a waste of time. To a screenwriter, this is good stuff.

    You just sit there and watch the first season and write on your computer.


  5. As a writer and former creative director, this is both irrepressible fun and an informative tool. Fun because you can see the entire show in your head just from these glorious tidbits, and a tool to see how a writer crafts a character through their words, dialogues, and for Don Draper, what he doesn’t say.

    My fav: “Well, it wasn’t a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover.”

    Question: What episode did Don ask Peggy to come up with the travel account dialogue to which she replied something like, “What’s you bring me, daddy?”


  6. al swearingen says:

    thanks, i was looking for a particular line i remembered him saying when diamond was blackmailing him and your site came up when i googled.

    “When you threaten someone in this manner, you should be aware of the fact that if your information is powerful enough to make them do what you want, what else can it make them do?”


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