The Secret to a Successful Marriage

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To enjoy the following exchange you need to know the following background information: R— works for the university’s development office, raising money from reunion classes for the Annual Fund. Her officemate, J—, happens to be the officer responsible for my class.

Rachel: Do you know XXXXXXX XXXX? He was in your class.

me: Yes, he’s married to my ex-girlfriend.

Rachel: Who?

me: XXXX XXXX. Why?

Rachel: His mother is in the class of XXXX. I’m going to try to get a meeting with her and was trying to make a connection.

me: Huh. Well, I used to date her daughter-in-law, does that help?

Rachel: Maybe. Wanna solicit him for a donation?

me: Not really, no. I can’t remember how well we know each other, and “we’ve both seen your wife naked” isn’t that great a bonding line for fund-raising, methinks.

Rachel: Well, you never know until you try.

me: Plus, I never really saw her naked, so that’d be lying anyway.

Rachel: I was actually just about to ask that. I didn’t want to doubt your high school studliness, though.

me: Topless, baby. Aw yeah.

Rachel: J— suggests, though, that if you could sort of imply that you still have digital evidence of seeing his wife naked, perhaps you could get some blackmail-style gift to the Annual Fund.

me: Hmm. Well, this pre-dated digital cameras, remember. So I could type up, in some digital format, a prose description of XXXX‘s breasts, if that would help.

Rachel: Okay, that’s hilarious.

me: Not sure how good it would be for our relationship, but anything for the annual fund.

Rachel: “Our relationship” meaning yours and mine, or yours and XXXX‘s? Or yours and XXXXXXX‘s?

me: The former. Well, all of them.

Rachel: I guess it’s true that I don’t relish the idea of your painting a vivid word-picture of another woman’s “lovelies.”

me: I just want to point out that it is entirely your fault that I’m recalling her breasts at the moment, and not my fault at all.

Rachel: Hardly! You’re the one who jumped from “used to date her” to “saw her naked.”

me: Deny all you want.

Rachel: Well, I’m not threatened.

me: Good.

Rachel: You may picture other women’s breasts all you like, as long as the only ones you access in person are mine.

me: Woohoo! I’m printing this out, and attaching it, via Scotch tape, as an addendum to our ketubah.

The Secret to a Successful Marriage

0 thoughts on “The Secret to a Successful Marriage

  1. ac says:

    1. My Ketubah already has that clause included, no Scotch tape necessary.

    2. The Brown Office of Development: Just as corrupt as the GOP and not nearly as freeing of the slaves.

    Like

  2. kris says:

    Hah! Sadly, I can see how this conversation could happen in the Development world…we talk about scary, strange things in our universe, right, Rachel?

    Thanks for making the discussion public–totally made my day.

    Like

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