Empathetic voter story generator

//www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.unlikelywords.com%2F2012%2F10%2F05%2Fempathetic-voter-story-generator%2F&send=false&layout=standard&width=450&show_faces=false&action=like&colorscheme=light&font&height=35&appId=175734175892628

Mitt Romney did a great job pretending to be empathetic at the first Presidential debate on Wednesday night, what with the stories about voters coming up to him and telling him sad things. His empathy program sure got an update in time. Well, there’s about a month left in the election and I figured Mitt would need some help conjuring up some more empathetic stories of voters for the debate. If necessary, he can come here and get a couple to use for later.

      var putput = function() {
        $(“#bestvoter”).hide();
        var fields = {
          names: [“Adam”, “Bill”, “David”, “Stephanie”, “Madison”, “Freddy”, “Joey”, “Anita”, “Nicole”, “Heather”, “Ethel”, “Beth”, “Beverly”, “Mickey”, “Brad”, “Clarence”, “Brenda”, “Bonnie”, “Stella”, “Theresa”],
          jobs: [“actor”, “bus driver”, “machine worker”, “teacher”, “truck driver”, “cop”, “stripper”, “banker”, “barista”, “sports league owner”, “mechanic”, “construction worker”, “podcaster”, “blogger”, “professor”, “new media enthusiast”, “bad accountant”],
          places: [“Scranton”, “Akron”, “Cincinnati”, “Worcester”, “Tempe”, “Phoenix”, “Cleveland”, “Dayton”, “Columbus”, “Nashua”, “Harrisburg”, “Orange County”, “Des Moines”, “Lexington, KY”, “Covington, KY”, “Reno”, “Springfield”, “Kansas City”, “Bloomington”, “Akron”, “Danvers”, “San Luis Obispo”, “Santa Fe”, “Pecos”, “Lubbock”, “Fort Smith”, “Tulsa”, “Macon”, “Biloxi”, “Mobile”, “Tampa”, “Orlando”, “a small town I can’t remember the name of”],
          first_facts: [“put hands on me”, “touched my arm”, “touched my arm and then my leg”, “tried to kiss me”, “hugged me”, “did not kneel before me”, “gave me some of their soda pop”, “called soda, ‘pop'”, “asked me for a job”, “gave me a belt”, “gave me a casserole”, “hurt my hand with their vice-like grip”, “shook my hand”, “reached for my arm”, “grabbed my elbow”],
          second_facts: [“I smell like Tuesday”, “Big Bird is gay”, “no”, “they lost their job to Big Bird”, “they were fired for stealing stuff”, “they never learned how to read”, “no, just no”, “I should try parting my hair the other way”, “times are tough”, “they are cheating on their spouse”, “lighting the candle at both ends”, “they loved Godfather 3”, “I looked whiter in real life”, “my laugh sucks”, “I don’t have compassion eyes”, “they really, really, really liked my name”, “they don’t care about fact checkers either”, “they would fire Big Bird, too”, “their underpants were on backward”, “their favorite color is 12:30”, “I can get it if I want it”, “they didn’t like the 47% either”, “they had a secret, but they could only show me”, “they heard the voices I hear”]
        };
        var rand = function(x){return x[Math.floor(Math.random()*x.length)];};

        var name = rand(fields[‘names’]),
            job = rand(fields[‘jobs’]),
            place = rand(fields[‘places’]),
            fact1 = rand(fields[‘first_facts’]),
            fact2 = rand(fields[‘second_facts’]);

        var result = “The other day, I met a ” + job + ” from ” + place + ” named ” + name + “, who ” + fact1 + ” and told me ” + fact2 + “.”;

        $(“#bestvoter”).html(result);
        $(“#bestvoter”).fadeIn(“fast”);
      };

Click “Generate a voter story” if you need an empathetic voter story of your own. 

Generate a voter story!

Empathetic voter story generator

Harold Ickes

Harold Ickes was profiled recently in Mother Jones. He’s a veteran political operative on the Democratic side who is charged with leading team D’s Super PAC. The Republicans are on track to raise and spend more so he’s got his work cut out for him. My take is that campaign finance reform is probably the biggest issue in politics at the moment, and that a lot of the other issues stem from that problem. This piece gives a pretty good background on outside money in politics, and I suppose if the Democrats are going to have to play the money game (which admittedly they seem to have created), Ickes might as well be a part of it.

In 1963, he went south to join the civil rights movement. One day, while registering voters in Tallulah, Louisiana, a gang of shotgun-toting segregationists attacked him. The beating cost him a kidney.

Harold Ickes

Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine and Tom Morello is not pleased

Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello is not pleased about reports of Paul Ryan calling RATM his favorite band. Read his response here.

Don’t mistake me, I clearly see that Ryan has a whole lotta “rage” in him: A rage against women, a rage against immigrants, a rage against workers, a rage against gays, a rage against the poor, a rage against the environment. Basically the only thing he’s not raging against is the privileged elite he’s groveling in front of for campaign contributions.

Chris Piascik sums it up pretty good.

EvilRyan

Maybe Paul Ryan should get with Megadeth instead.

Paul Ryan loves Rage Against the Machine and Tom Morello is not pleased

NPR cements liberal bias by asking GOP to back up claims

Republicans in the Senate are refusing to extend a payroll tax holiday that would be paid for with a small surcharge on incomes over $1 million. Their excuse is that it will hurt job creators. NPR asked to speak to some of these job creators who would stop hiring if their marginal income tax rate was raised.

NPR cements liberal bias by asking GOP to back up claims